Forever 21

Today is Dagan's 22nd birthday.....a birthday he won't get to celebrate in this earthly plane.  A birthday he will instead celebrate in Heaven with his grandparents, his uncle Steve, and all the other family that went before him.

He should be here eagerly anticipating the start of hockey season, his upcoming marriage, and the birth of his first son.  Unfortunately, that wasn't the plan for his life here on earth.

I hate to say the words.  My beautiful perfect nephew died.  I even hate the word.  Died.  Die. Death.  It’s shit.  Awful.  It terrifies me.  I have experienced death close to home before, but it's still hard.  He was only 21 years old and wasn’t like a nephew.  He was so much more.  He was like a brother, a son, a friend.

For some reason, today I am reliving THAT day.  That day our world came crashing down on my amazing family. Why did this happen?  A question that goes unanswered as I shout to the skies many times, hoping to know why he was taken away from us so suddenly.  What purpose could he serve above that was more important that the future he was building here on earth?

Life is full of human suffering and can often seem profoundly unfair.  I've been thinking about today for a few days now.  How hard it would be for his parents, his grandparents, his little brother.....all of us who, in our own way, are still trying to understand and accept that he truly isn't here.  I want us all to just be able to celebrate what an amazing young man he was, and what a blessing he was to everyone who ever knew him.

I appreciate how some family relationships are being repaired through this sorrow, but I wish it wouldn't have taken this.  It's ironic that through death we are often reminded how to live.  I wonder if Dagan was such a blessing that, even in his untimely death, he brought people together.

He was eulogized as someone who exemplified pure joy and selfless love to everyone.  He was always seeing things positively and looked for the goodness in everything.  He set that example for all of us and put into context what we can all strive for.  He profoundly reminded us all of that.

As a family, we manage to get though life by sticking together.  Remaining a close family that’s full of support and one that always keeps Dagan's memory alive.  We talk.  We talk about him. About the good times.  About the times he made us laugh.  We recreate the memories and the laughter, and we keep spirits high.  We gather family, extended family and friends and smile. He is forever in our hearts and made such a difference to our lives for those 21 years. We treasure that time we got given with him.

My nephew was an absolutely amazing young man.  Honestly, he was so unbelievably happy, carefree, funny, social, selfless – he was a shining star.  He was a treasure.

I love and miss him so much.

Believe in Yourself

Have you ever been in a situation that made you feel like no matter what you did, you were not going to make it out?

Or maybe had that one dream that really seemed nearly impossible no matter how you looked at it?

And if you have had someone in your circle tell you that “You’ve got this!” - then you know just how powerful it is to have someone believe in you.

This is why it is so important to surround yourself with these kinds of people.

It is so important to have these people in your inner circle because these are the people that will... 

• cheer you on, 
•  defend you,
• believe in you,
•  and remind you of your greatness. 

Honestly, these are the best types of people. (my type of people)

But one thing you can really take away from today’s post is that you need to be your own best friend. (your own cheerleader)

You need to believe in yourself.

There is this sort of magic that comes from believing in yourself.

It comes with some sort of superpower.

Because no one other than you can give it to you, so no one can take it away from you.

So, you are amazing, and you’ve got this!

You were made for that dream that keeps swirling in your head.

You are worthy of love and success.

You just need to believe in yourself.

Make Time For Happy

 The global pandemic related struggles of the past two years as well as the racial, social, economic, and political clashes of  the world have made it harder for many people to maintain a baseline happy life. If you’ve found that your natural happiness has taken a hit, you are surely not alone.

We can all do our part to contribute to public health as well as fighting for racial, social, and economic justice, but we do not control any outcomes there that extend beyond ourselves and whatever power and privilege we can lean on to make change happen. 

To get a happiness boost, there are some things we can control though:

Remove financial stress to the best of your ability

It’s very difficult to focus on the positives when the weight of financial problems is on your shoulders, so you can do some winter work inside on seeing if you can do anything different financially. 

Most of us living above the poverty line have some financial waste in our lives. Some things are so easy to trim. Starting with home entertainment packages - what streaming subscriptions do you have versus what you actually use?  $5 here and there can add up.

Invest in your wellness

Go for a walk, talk about your feelings with someone you can be totally honest with, find a therapist, join a club, read a book, sing loudly and activate your vagus nerve, ground your bare feet to the earth, get fresh air, wear comfortable shoes, stretch, eat good food, sleep, rest, hydrate, say no to things you don't want to do or don't have the bandwidth for without explaining yourself. Adding good habits is an amazing happiness booster. 

Removing the negatives is equally as important when thinking about your happiness. The fallout of persistent bad habits will continue to stand in the way of true happiness. 

Be with the right people

Human interactions hold the key to our happiness. Giving the most toxic interactions the most time and energy leads to toxicity internally and life is too short for that. Unfollow, let the interactions drift, make a clean cut, whatever works. 

I don't care who they are to you or how long you've known them - toxic friendships and relationships in general do not serve you. Remove these people from your circle and you'll have more room for people who fill you up. 

Likewise, we are not contorting to fit other people. It is not our job or be likeable or palatable to people. It is our job to be ourselves. Your people will love you for you. Anyone who doesn’t is not your people. It is so freeing to be fully yourself. Try it if you are not quite there. 

Do something bigger than you

Volunteer. Donate money. Advocate for equality. Work to abolish oppressive systems. Clean up the park on the corner. We are hyper focused on ourselves, which is good until it isn't. Step away from yourself to gain perspective. 

Paint your nails

Or whatever your nails are in your life.  Changing your look is superficial but packs an immediate flush of happy for most of us. New hairstyle, fresh nails, a little bit of lipstick or mascara, wearing a favorite outfit you love. Simple, easy mood boosters. 

Social media is not your life, your life is what happens outside of it

Don't let social media lead to an inferiority complex. You're not perfect, nor is your life, and no one else's is either. Worry about what you're doing. Make sure you're living your life outside of Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tiktok, etc. How much time are you spending on them? Use them as intended, not as your main life. 

Realize constant happiness is not going to happen

The cult of positivity might have you thinking you should be happy all the time but not only is it not probable, it's not possible. We're human. We have a range of emotions. Your life doesn't suck if you aren't always showing a happy face. 

At the end of the day remember that as cliché as it may sound, you only have one life.....so live it -- in your own way, on your own terms.

Things That REALLY Need To Be Normalized

 Boundaries

Not explaining yourself to other people

Not finishing books you don't feel like finishing for any reason - at any point...three pages in, 100 pages in, 25 pages from the end

Reading for pleasure, not to learn or improve

Expressing joy even when the world is not a joyful place

Aging in a manner that does not try to re-capture the appearance of youth

Lower income people who get any type of government assistance having things and doing things because everyone deserves to live in some way that is not necessary and you don't get to judge them for it like a sanctimonious asshole

Wearing and re-wearing clothes you’ve had for years 

Relationships and friendships running their course or changing - not everything lasts forever, and not everyone is meant to be on your journey with you forever, and that is okay - there shouldn't be bad feelings about that

The importance of platonic love, investing in it, and telling your friends you love them. There are forever people too. Know who they are and treat them as such.

Self-preservation 

Actual work/life balance in action

Kids not being good at every subject in school

Kids not liking sports

Saying no when you don't want to do something even if you feel pressure to say yes

Changing your opinion when you receive new information

People not drinking alcohol without you knowing why

Living outside of social media and not explaining where you’ve been if you’ve been off of it 

People not getting married or having children

All body types being the body types for whatever those people want to wear

Not touching and not making kids hug and kiss people unless they want to. Not everyone wants a hug or a handshake in the times of COVID (or in regular every day times)

Contacting elected officials to give them your opinion on anything, especially what their votes should be on big bills

Reusing and repurposing whatever we can 

People loving who they love and being attracted who they are attracted to and hetero not being the only sexuality out there

People prioritizing mental health over everything, including and especially their jobs, even if they are athletes or celebrities, jobs you in your non-doctor opinion think they should be fine doing regardless of health issues

Full sex education in schools

Treating people and families dealing with addiction with compassion instead of derision because if it is ever your family, you will need that compassion

Wearing what you are comfortable in and not downplaying your appearance to others like you're some sort of slob because you are comfortable

Making all possible accommodations for disabled people and people with limited mobility 

Body hair on women (to whatever degree she feels comfortable with)

Valuing everything in women over them being nice and quiet

Having a packed bag in your car with a bottle of water, first aid kit, blanket, power bar, flashlight 

People using pronouns they prefer without commentary from you

Talking freely about periods, post partum depression, menopause 

Men being emotional people

Talking about race and confronting white supremacy in ourselves and each other

Talking about important shit offline

Not accepting and summarily dismissing harmful shit as a "difference of opinion" you can co-exist around. Co-existing with other people's racism, misogyny, classism, and hypocritical ignorance and refusing to address those things in ourselves when they surface is one of the ways we've gotten to this period in time in this country

Not Your Every Day Pep Talk

 

I try to keep this little corner of the blogosphere a positive, happy place, and try to keep things light and uplifting.

Well, 2021 has kind of put a kibosh on that plan.....as may be evident in my lack of posting anything here in over 6 months.  It kind of all started when we suddenly and unexpectedly lost my younger brother in February (that will be an entire other post in and of itself).....and thanks to the ravages that are COVID-19, it has just gotten worse from there.  In the past few months I've lost family, friends, and coworkers to this crazy virus.  I've seen families literally be pulled apart at the seams by loss and tragedy, including my own.        

And the last few days, I’ve wondered – how do you go on after that? After you see something so devastating. After you see people you love broken, split right in two. How do you get to a place where you see life as good when you just saw how fast it can be over? 

Hell if I know.

All I know is this: You can. And you have to. 

You can. Even when it really, really hurts. You are strong, even when it feels like you are two seconds away from breaking. You are able, even when you feel helpless. You are a warrior, even when you feel your absolute weakest. And most importantly: It’s okay to believe these things even when you don’t feel them. 

The phrase, life has ups and downs doesn’t seem fitting enough. More like, life has magical mountaintops and valleys in the very pit of Hell. And you don’t have to understand them to keep going. You don’t even have to have a positive outlook to keep going. There are some things a positive outlook just doesn’t exist for. 

I don’t think it’s always about finding hope and joy and motivation. Those things are so wonderful, but you don’t always have to find them. Sometimes, you just have to be willing to be open to looking for them. 

So if you’re a little down lately, I want to say that I see you and I feel where you’re at. If you’re a lot down lately, I see you and I feel where you’re at. If it feels like you’re immersed in total darkness, like the lights are never, ever going to come back on…I see you and I feel where you’re at.

It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to not see a bright side anywhere in sight. Trust me, some things have no bright side. 

So our pep talk today isn’t the happiest I’ve ever written. It’s certainly not about being happy and getting up and doing all of the things. 

Today, it’s just a little reminder that you’re not alone. We all go through these seriously tough things. 

It’s okay to be terrified of the dark and at the same time have no idea how you’ll ever turn a light on. 

Today’s pep talk is this: Sit in the dark for however long you need to. Just please, please don’t lose sight that one day, the light will shine in again. 

It will. 

There's Always Something to be Thankful For

 

Every single day, I give thanks to the universe for something in my life - big or small.  I try to aim for three things, but sometimes I'm a miserable witch and can only come up with one.  I honestly believe that I won't, and shouldn't, get anything else, material or immaterial, without acknowledging what I already have.

We often take for granted the very things that deserve our gratitude: our health, the roof over our head, the heat warming out home, the food in the fridge, the jobs that allow us to pay for these things, the fact that a Tim Horton's ice capp is never more than 5 blocks away....you know, the important things.

I challenge you to not only say you're thankful - but to live like you are.

The following is a list of things I'm grateful for.  It is in no way complete, and is totally off the cuff.  What's on your list.

I'm grateful for:

1.  My family -- both the one I was born into and the one I've chosen through marriage and through my friendships.  I have some AMAZING sisters that I don't share any DNA with.

2.  For my comfortable, clean, lived-in home; where there are always friends and family around.  Where my kids know there is always a full pantry and fridge.  Movies, games, and sports are regular bonding moments, and everyone knows they can come for food, comfort, conversation, and love.

3.  For my goofy dog, and the unadulterated joy he brings into our lives.

4.  That I have a husband who cooks and makes sure we are always well fed. (My favorite dish.....and yes, the husband made this)

5. For DVR and Netflix.....we are pretty much homebodies, and we love to snuggle up and binge (if there's not a game on)

6.  For music -- I am forever grateful that I've been blessed with the musical gifts that I have.  I love music in almost every form and genre, and I'm lucky to be able to share that with people.

7.  For my freedom, and those who put their lives on the line every day so that I can keep it.

8.  For books....all of the books.  Some women want a million cats.....I just want all the books.

I could go on and on.....and maybe next Thanksgiving I'll do this again, because it's not that hard to find things to be thankful for and reasons to be grateful.

 

             

For the Love of Muffins -- Consult a Grammar Guide

 Particularly in these instances:

1. they're, there, their --  They're putting their books right there.

2. your, you're -- You're going to regret not bringing your umbrella.

3. lose, loose -- You lose games. Your clothing is loose.

4. quite, quiet -- The evening was quite quiet.

5. to, too -- You're too nice to her.

6. Incorrect use of plural and possessive forms. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you are an offender. This drives me totally insane. When you address something to people, it is The Smiths, not The Smith's.  Possessive form of a noun indicates that the noun owns something, so if you use that apostrophe, the noun better be in possession of something.

7. Cutesy spellings --  Nite. Lite. No.

8. "The" is a word that has no abbreviation. "Da" is not a form or abbreviation of "the". Don't use it. I'm serious.

9. If you can type out gr8t, you can surely type out great. The same goes for 2 - it's just one keystroke less than to. R instead of are saves you 1.5 seconds. It also makes you look stupid. 

10. Compose texts and emails as if you're speaking out loud to someone. If you say it out loud and it's reminiscent of sounding out words when you learned to read, stop. Start again.

Take your time. Think about what you're saying. Express yourself intelligently. Make your kids do the same. When you're not sure how to write or spell something, look it up in a reference guide or on the world wide web.

You may now return to COVID-19 coverage and the corresponding Facebook status updates.

Grammatically yours,

Erin