To Avoid Getting Swine Flu.....

DON'T DO THIS!!!!!

And regarding the American Idol results show. I was not suprised by the bottom three, but I'm glad it was Matt that went home.....I don't think the judges should have wasted their save on him to begin with.

I pretty well channel surfed, because I didn't care for any of the musical numbers but my award for most hideous outfit would have to got to Natalie Cole.....ugly gold thing she was draped in. But Randy was a close second with his bright pink shirt. Sheesh!!!!!

Idol Chatter -- The Top 5

OK, before I begin my synopsis, I have a quick question. Was anyone else distracted by Paula's dress last night? I mean what the heck was she wearing. She looks like one of those fancy napkins stuffed in a wine glass that you find on wedding tables. Which is sad, because without that crazy bodice, the dress could have been super HAWT.

Now, on to the show.......was Jamie Foxx not an amazing mentor?!? I was really impressed with him.

1) Kris -- "The way you look Tonight": I don't think I've given Kris enough credit sometimes. He sang that song so effortlessly and with such great emotion. I was really quite impressed. His first falsetto was a little weak, but the ending was outstanding. I loved it, but I can see how Simon said it was a safe number. He's up against some pretty amazing talent, so I hope that by going first he isn't forgotten by the end of the night.

2) Allison -- "Someone to watch over Me": I LOVE this song. I sing it to Ryker almost every night. I think her voice is a little too rough and raspy to make this song as pure as I would like to hear it sung, but it was still an amazing performance. I thought her ending was fabulous. (A part of me wishes she had sang "Fever" though)

3) Matt -- "My funny Valentine": I didn't mind this. It was a bit slow, and I still think he does WAY too many runs. I really liked the ending, but I agree with Kara when she said he didn't really seem to put his heart in it.

4) Danny -- "I'm gonna love You": Fantastic beginning -- I loved how he walked out to the trombone solo. Freaking great performance from beginning to end, and the ending was KILLER. The entire think was fantastic. My favorite of the night.

5) Adam -- "Feelin' Good": Emily will be glad to know....but.....I really didn't like this. I thought it was WAY too over the top and theatrical. I mean I LOVED the one big sustained note near the end, but the rest of it left me cold. Which is sad because I love Adam.

So, I think at the end of the day as long as people remember that Kris was great as the first performance, then Matt will be going home.

Frustration of the day

"Why in the H-E-L-L is this bed so freakin hard to make?"

Yes that is me trying to put the sheets on the top bunk bed in my kids room. The stupid bed is pushed up against a wall so you can't get to the back side of it and there is a rail for keeping my child in his bed on the outer side. Seriously, I'm not tall enough to just stand on the floor and put them on. Nor can I walk around it and struggle from the ground. Noooo, I have to climb up the ladder and crawl around on the bed trying to stretch these sheets (that I always manage to be kneeling on) across the mattress, keep them tight enough to stay on the corners all while trying not to slam my head into the ceiling or sound like I have Tourrets.

And that's just the fitted sheet! I have to repeat the process with the top sheet and the comforter! Yes you can laugh at me; I do everytime I have to change these blasted things. Originally the deal was that Rand needed to make his bed every morning. I have let that slide because if I can't get it made what makes me think that he can get it made!

The bottom one is easier but just as annoying. It never fails the I gauge my distance wrong and whack my head on the top bunk when I attempt to stand up. All in all I end up sweating my ass off. asking myself why did we pick bunk beds?

There I feel better now.

Idol Results, Good News and a convo with the hubby

OK, I have to throw a mishmash post together because I have a few things to say that are completely unrelated to eachother.

For starters, the American Idol results -- glad to see Anoop and Lil go home......I think Matt and Kris won't be too far behind.

Also, wanna hear something cool?? Of course you do; why else would you read my blog. I entered a contest through a local television station. The winning prize was a years worth of Kellogg's cereal. Well...............drum roll please.............I WON!!!! Yay me!!!!

And finally, for your reading pleasure enjoy this following conversation that took place this past week between me and my husband:

A little background on this week's conversation- I have this game, where I come up with a really ignorant word, and then use it as much as I can. There's nothing better than a (conservative looking) mom using the words "holy champagne supernova!" all day.

Other past words I've already used out are "sweet", "craptastic" and "radical". If it's a really good word, it'll get a reaction like

"Did you just say radical?"

"Like, totally!"

Get the idea? Okay, so my dear, sweet husband has started stealing my words. The nerve! Here's how it goes between us:

Him: That person's driving was craptastic.

Me: Hey...that's my word.

Him: I'm married to you, so I get to use any word you use... by default.

Me: Dude, go find your own word. I work really hard to find just the right ones....and then you go and take them for yourself. Go find your own damn word. (I try not to call my husband "dude" very much, but sometimes it just fits, ya know?)

Him: I like your words better.

Me: Have you even tried to come up with your own?

Him: No.

Me: Why not?

Him: Because I can just use yours.

Me: (Swears under my breath)

So now my goal is to come up with a word that is so bad, that even the husband wont use it. Recently when I think something is particualarily stupid I will use the phrase gay.com (and yes I say the dot com -- for example, "Man that tv show was totally gay dot com". And he has even taking to using that one!!! AARGH!!

I will find a phrase that he refuses to steal. I am sure of it. I'll let you know when I come up with something. Any ideas?

Idol Chatter -- The Top 7 (Again)

Miracle of miracles -- I have no snarky comments about the judges or any wardrobe malfunctions. WOW! So lets get right to the contestants.

1) Lil -- "I'm Every Woman": Did anyone else find that predictable, boring and unoriginal? Oh, wait! The judges did! WOO HOO! Hopefully the rest of America did too. She did nothing but sing a Chaka Khan song exactly how Chaka Khan sang it. She is definatly not growing on this show. In fact, I think she's getting worse.

2) Kris -- "Hard for the Money": I guess I have to give him props for making the song completely original, but I was bored with this performance too. It was a little too heavy on the Latin feel for me, and his attempt at a mustache looked dirty (ha ha ha.....not quite a wardrobe malfunction, but I guess I had a comment after all)

3) Danny -- "Do you remember": Nice vibe -- a little fresher than old school disco, which is nice. I didn't care for how it ended so abrubptly, but he mixed the song up nicely.

4) Allison -- "Hot Stuff" -- This chick reminds me of Pink.....a lot. She is awesome! That was fantastic and not the least bit in indulgent (boo Randy). I think slowing down actually was a HUGE improvement. I loved the arrangement. She was my favorite of the night so far.

5) Adam -- "If I can't have you": I loved the softer look and the all over softer side of Adam tonight. This guy truly is in a class all by himself. This performance appeared effortless , and was just beautifully flawless. It's nice to know that he doesn't have to be the big flamboyant gay guy to get people to notice his talent.

6) Matt -- "Stayin' Alive": I liked this better than I expected to....because I was expecting it to be a karaoke style number. But he actually wasn't too bad. The only problem I have with Matt is that he uses the vocal acrobatics and runs WAY too much.

7) Anoop -- "Dance the Night Away": I didn't like it. Yes Anoop is good, and yes he has talent, but this performance was just "Meh". I don't think he sang in sync rhythmically with the music and I don't like how the song just dropped at the end like that either.

So, considering it was disco night, I was pleasantly suprized that I hadn't hung myself before the end of the show (Im so not a disco fan). At the end of the night I would have to say Lil, Kris and Anoop are my bottom three with Lil and Anoop going home.

Thoughts while applying self tanner

I hope this stuff doesn’t stink.

Maybe I have some odd metal in my body that causes a reaction with the tanner? And maybe that’s why my skin smells like rusty swing set and sun-baked sweat 2 hours after I put it on?

I should totally Google that.

I won’t though. I’ll forget.

I should keep like, a GOOGLE NOTEPAD, and write myself notes of random crap to Google.

I can’t even write a grocery list, though. Scratch that idea.

“Wash hands after applying.” But what about the top of my hands? I’m not Michael Jackson. I shouldn't have Glitter Glove tan lines—right?

Legs first…ewww. I am horrifically white. And I think I have cankles. Gross. I should just wear pants 24/7.

Legs are depressing. I’ll work on my arms.

Arms, shoulders, chest…Um. Okay. What about the boobs?

I sometimes wear low cut tops, so I definitely should do the tops…but what about the bottoms? Who has tanned under-boobs?

I just sloped it under there accidentally. Decision made! I am the only woman with tan under-boobs who DIDN’T do topless handstands by the pool.

I’m not doing my stomach or butt. I just don’t care….and my butt would probably require half the bottle by itself.

I wish I had those self tanner wipes I saw on QVC. That would be awesome! Too bad they are freaking expensive—and the woman peddling them looks insane and…crispy. Like dark brown crispy bacon.

I wonder if she smells like rust, too? Or maybe even BACON?

If I ever had an inking to be drunk at 2:30 in the afternoon (or ever), I’m SOOO going to call into QVC and ask her on air. “Hi! Can you tell me if your wipes will make me smell like old playground baking in the sun?!? No? I don’t believe you. Excuse me? Model in back with one tan arm and one white arm? Can you smell her for me? She stinks, right? HA! I knew it!”

But…they probably have QVC call screeners or something all trained to weed out the drunken crazies. I wish they wouldn’t. I’d watch QVC all day if there might be a hilarious phone call every once in awhile.

I should e-mail them.

Is this crap dry YET? I don’t want to hang out naked in my bathroom all day! I have crap to do…Like Google things and compose my brilliant e-mail to QVC.

Happy Birthday, Andrew!!!

See that adorable little baby in the picture right there? Isn't he so sweet, and precious and tiny? This picture was taken just a couple of days after my darling little boy was born. My life was changed on that day in ways that I never imagined possible. Drew represented everything that was good and pure - beautiful and amazing. I have loved him from the beginning and will spend the rest of my life loving my beautiful boy. But seriously.......

Can you believe that adorable little boy is 12 years old today? I know I sure can't -- and I'm his mother. Where the heck has the time gone. It doesn't seem possible that it's been that long since we held a tiny version of you in our arms. Now you're all legs and arms, full of so much energy that I can barely see you as you zip by from place to place. I'm amazed at how smart you are, and how quickly you're able to learn new things. I'm so proud to be your mom -- always remember that! Thank you for being my son. Happy birthday, Andrew!!!!!

Idol Results and a letter to my husband

OK, so thanks the a Facebook friend who didn't realize that not everyone is in her time zone and we all don't see American Idol at the same time as her, I knew what hapened on the show before it happened. I have to say I was a bit suprized that they used their save on Matt this week. Especially after what Simon had said. I guarantee you had it been Lil, they would have let her go. Oh, and I hated the musical numbers of the night. They all sucked!! The end!

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Dear Husband,

No, I do not know why you never have any clean socks. No, I'm not doing anything with them. Neither is the washer/dryer. I haven't hidden them on you. I'm not holding them hostage as some kind of petty revenge strategy. And it's no fault of my laundering abilities.

Seriously, I have bought you socks about 20 times in the past six months. You should have an entire dresser completely full to the brim of socks, nothing but socks, with socks spilling out.I have no idea where all your socks have gone to.

Maybe if you put your dirty clothes in one pile... anywhere near any other dirty clothes in this house you might have some clean socks? Just maybe?Have you looked under the bed? In the sheets? On the other side of the bed? Under the bathroom cabinet? In the living room under the couch? Under the recliner? Next to the remote control? Under the keyboard?

They must be hiding pretty good because I haven't seen them in weeks.I guess I'll just go buy some more so you can have some clean socks for next week.

Idol Chatter -- The Top 7

OK, I think I'm blind. The bling on Paula's dress was WAY overkill. I mean, seriously, she looked like a cracked out Bratz doll. On to the results........

1) Allison -- "I don't wanna miss a thing": She sounds like she is sick or something. I mean, I love that song, but I really don't care for how she performed it. She looked and sounded just horrible. (She would have sounded great doing Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out For a Hero" from the movie "Footloose" or Jeffersons Airlplane "White Rabbit" which was in the movie "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas")

2) Anoop -- "Everything I do": I don't know...I didn't really care for this either. Anoop is picking some seriously "safe" songs lately. I disagree with Randy. I think it is a really BIG song, and I thought he was kind of boring. (Sadly, I can't think of another song I would have preferred him to sing).

3) Adam -- "Born to be Wild": Drew and I both loved this performance. This guy is already a rock star. He's just so unique and original and I totally agree with Quentin Tarantino. Half the fun of the show this season is tuning in to see what Adam is going to do with his song. (It would have also been interesting to hear him sing Ram Jam's "Black Betty" which was in the movie "Blow" or another great one would have been "Eye of the Tiger" from "Rocky 3")

4) Matt -- "Have you ever really loved a Woman": There were too many vocal acrobatics, he was really weak when he hit is falsetto, and the bridge was a complete and utter disaster vocally. (He should have sang Prince's "The Beautiful Ones" from the movie "Purple Rain")

5) Danny -- "Endless Love": He had a flat note near the beginning, but he had me in tears by the end of the song. It was absolutely beautiful. I loved it. But I have to say "boooo" to Simon. Sometimes a song just needs to be sung; you don't always have to change up the original. (He could have also done the Goo Goo Dolls "Iris" from "City of Angels")

6) Kris -- "Falling Slowly": Stunning...absolutely stunning from beginning to end. He had me completely mesmerized. Another "boooo" for Randy here. I can't believe what he had to say. I thought it was a fantastic performance. (He also would have sounded great doing "Tiny Dancer" from the movie "Almost Famous")

7) Lil -- "The Rose": Yawn! What a boring, safe song choice -- even with the "gospel" flair. She is just becoming predictable to me. Thumbs up, Simon. (I would have loved to hear her sing Cher's "Bang Bang" from Kill Bill or "Son of a Preacher man" from "Pulp Fiction". )

This weeks prediction for bottom three is: Anoop, Matt and Lil

Patience is a virtue (or so I've heard)

Here's a little story of how my day went when I went to fill my gas tank up this morning.

I got out and filled my van up, oblivious to the world around me. I just don't have it in me at 7:15 a.m. to care what is going on in the world around me. So I fill up and get back in my van. I slide my card back into my wallet, then grab my mp3 player. I wanted to untangle the earbuds and get it going before I got back out on the street. See, I don't like to be distracted while I am driving. I realize that all it takes is a split second for an accident to happen. I really don't believe in too much multitasking while one is driving. If I need to check myself in the mirror, I do it at a red light. If I need to apply lip gloss, same thing, I wait until my vehicle comes to a complete stop. Did you know that if you talk or text while you are driving that you have the same reflexes as a drunk driver? Neither did I until recently. It's something to think about, but I won't preach.

So back to the story. I am getting myself situated in the van and I hear a horn beeping. I glance up and see that there is a car behind me waiting to use the gas pump......and they are honking at me to move. I was livid. Have I mentioned that I don't really have my happy face on before 8 in the morning? Honestly, it didn't take me THAT long to put away my card and get my mp3 player ready. COULD YOU JUST GIVE ME A FEW MINUTES HERE!!!! My first instinct was to jump out of my car give that bit...er, witch a piece of my mind. How....freakin'......rude!!! I decided that exiting my vehicle and confronting the sea cow was not the most mature thing to do. All though, every.pore.in.my.entire.body...longed for confrontation.

As I started pulling away, I glanced around to see how busy the gas station was. To my unending fury, there were at least four gas pumps available. Yet that woman was behind me like that pump was the one shooting out gold nuggets or something. I can't believe she was honking at me.
Why is everyone in such an all-fired hurry I wonder? Is whatever you are trying to get to that important? Are you really in THAT big of a hurry to get to work? Frankly, I'm not.

While I am on my soapbox, don't you hate when you go through the drive-thru and they shove your money in your face and expect for you to just throw your money in the floorboard and move along? Can't we just have a moment to put our money away? Maybe I would like to count my change. It stands to reason that if my order is wrong consistently, that maybe my change is wrong too. I refuse to give in to this. I always calmly take my change and put it away, then move along. Well enough ranting for now, I am off to plot world domination and to figure out how to bring down the oppressive management. While I'm at it, maybe I should just pour lemon juice into my eyes

What If?

So many times I write about how my kids are driving me crazy. Sometimes as I try to write my posts, complete a task, complete a thought even, I am short with my kids. I shoo them off to watch television or play outside, so that I can have just a few more minutes to finish what I am doing. But on Wedesday morning I realized yet again, that there are only so many minutes given to each of us. And the scariest part is that none of us know how many minutes we have.

Madeline Alice Spohr was 17 months old when she died on April 7th. She was the beautiful spirited daughter of a fellow blogger. In my heart of hearts I want to write something beautiful and profound and wise. I want to write words that will move you to the tears that you rightfully should shed for this little angel. I want to put down words that will inspire you to run, not walk, to your children and hug and hold them as tight as you can. I want you to finish reading this, turn off your computer, and go play catch with your child, or bake cookies with your child, or do one of the millions of things that they've probably been bugging you to do with them, but you have been too tired, too busy, too something to do. I want all of these things so bad. But most of all, I want to climb under my covers, curl up in a little sobbing, weeping ball, and bawl my eyes out. Because I am a mother. And who better to feel the pain of a mother who has lost her child, than another mother. A mother who has dared to imagine what it would be like to lose a child. A mother who has thanked God again and again, with shame and guilt in her heart, that it was not my child.

I don't think I can find it in myself to write those kind of words. Not today. Not right now. Right now I am going to turn off my computer and go play with my kids before they go to grandmas for the weekend. I am going to look at them and marvel at the wonders that they are. I am going to swallow my tears and squelch my sobs and pretend that my heart doesn't feel like it might explode at the very question of what if? What if that would have been my child?

Idol Results and a bit of a coworker vent

OK people......he may not be able to sustain a note or have great breath contol like he used to, but I still love, Love, LOVE Frankie Avalon. I always have.

I thought the group song was horrible. Poor Lil was so flat on that first chorus....well, all the choruses. You can't tell me that there wasn't a better group friendly number that they could have picked from all the number one hits of 2002. I can think of two just off the top of my head:

*Soak up the Sun ~ Cheryl Crow
*Can't fight the Moonlight ~ Leanne Rimes

I was a bit shocked that Kris didn't end up in the bottom three -- but I did warn you that Anoop could be in trouble. And I guess I'm getting old, because that number by Flow Rider annoyed the heck out of me.

I can't continue without commenting on Paula's gloves. What is she thinking? Does she realize how rediculous she looks? Ugh! And poor Allison needs to fire her wardrobe people. She looked like a butch lesbian in her ugly blue lumberjack shirt.

I wasn't a bit suprised to see Scott and Lil in the bottom three.....but I know that when Simon mentioned there was one person that they would consider saving, they were talking about Lil.

Sigh, I was never a fan of Kelly Pickler, either. Just don't like her voice.

So if I had to wager a guess when it came down to whether or not to save Scott, it was the two women judges that wanted him to stay. They were letting emotion rule their heads instead of logically realizing that this guy was not going to win. Simon made the right choice.

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Now on to my work place rant ---

There's a lady (whose name I do not know) who works in the same hospital department I do, and she bugs me. I've never even heard her voice, but she bugs the crap out of me. Do you want to know why?

Every time we happen to cohabit the staff restroom at similar times, I see her, I mean... hear her follow the same nutty routine over and over. It goes a little something like this:

Enter room

Turn on hot water, full blast

Wash hands in an OCD fashion for a LONG time while running the hot water at the same time.

*still washing*

*please wait*

Turn off water, dry hands.

Enter bathroom stall

Before doing ANYthing else, flush

Use toilet

Flush

Turn on water, repeat previous action.

Could she waste more water during one individual trip? How many trips does she take? Could I be more annoyed? Have I asked enough questions?? Grrr......I wasteful people irritate me.

Idol Chatter -- The Top 8

Tonights episode made me contemplate. Which song would I have sung from the year I was born if I were a contestant on American Idol. I came up with a few ideas:



*I Write the Songs (Barry Manilow)

*Love Hurts (Nazareth)

*Turn the Beat Around (Vicki Sue Robinson)

*Show me the Way (Peter Frampton)



But I think my winning choice would be the Celine Dion version of Eric Carmen's song "All By Myself".



Anyway.....onto the REAL contestants:



1) Danny -- "Stand by Me": I can't tell you how much I completely love this guys voice. His vocals were perfect, and while I thought the arrangement started out slow, I really liked it overall.



2) Kris -- "All she wants to do is Dance": I couldn't tell whether he was just flat or if it was the arrangement that sucked, but either way I hated it......(and I'm starting to think that "indulgent" is Simon's word of the year this season)



3) Lil -- "Whats love got to do with It": See now to me, THAT was indulgent. I thought she was boring, flat and shouty. I totally agree with Kara that she is weak in her lower range.



4) Anoop -- "True Colors": For the most part I liked the vocal side of this song and I LOVED how he went up on the last note. I didn't really care for the arrangement though. He should have done it a bit more like Phil Collin's version.



5) Scott -- "The Search is Over": I LOVE his song. I think he made a big mistake however, using this particular song to break away from the piano. He went a little flat on the final bridge, but overall I liked the vocals. I do agree with Simon though, that the electric guitar didn't "go" with the song.



6) Allison --"I can't make you love Me": I LOVE this song too. This girl is just amazing. Completely and utterly amazing. Fantastic performance.



7) Matt -- "Part time Lover": For the most part, I liked it. It wasn't anything fantastic. I wish he would have gone up on the notes like the original song did. But he was a fantastic showman. I think though that the judges were a tad generous on the praise they showered him with.



8) Adam -- "Mad World" So many songs I LOVED tonight. I thought that he was fabulous. The arrangement was a bit different but I thought the melody was absolutely haunting. (In true Adam style) And for Simon to stand and clap is a true testament to how wonderful this performance was.



I personally think the bottom three this week should be Kris, Lil and Scott with Kris going home....but there is still the possibility that Anoop hasn't done enough and will end up in the bottom three again.

Here lies Erin's fat roll.....RIP

I’m weird. (We all already know this, right?) So just humor me and let me ponder ridiculous things.

I watched a plastic surgery special the other day. (That’s always a good start to a post.) Watching tummy tucks and liposuction on TV usually grosses people out, but it just puzzles me. For instance, what happens to the hacked off fat roll? Do they bury it in some mass grave with other unwanted flaps of skin? Can I take it home and bury it in my backyard, next to Fuzzy the Hamster? Can I use it to plant a tree in my backyard? (Hey, Matthew McConaughey planted his girlfriend’s placenta—why can’t I plant my fat roll?)

Maybe the hospital cremates all the skin. If so, how do you get THAT job? I’m picturing a guy in scrubs shoveling loads of tummies into the fire, muttering, “I went to nursing school to do this? Why didn’t I major in business? Stupid! Stupid!”

Also? What if the doctor and nurses performing the surgery weren’t professional (like the cast of Scrubs)? What if the doctor cuts of my roll and then holds it up in front of him like an ugly sweater from Goodwill and yells, “Eww! Look at this!” while all the nurses giggle and scream, “Daaaammmmnnn!” like Martin Lawrence, and I’m laying there all oblivious? And vulnerable. With tape holding my eyes closed.

So, while I envy the flat stomachs of others, I don’t think I could actually go through with a lipo/tummy tuck combo platter. Unless I could take my roll home in a Nike shoe box and bury it in the backyard, where I could visit it and take it flowers. (And peanut butter cups, for old time’s sake.)

Late Idol Results thought and a shout out to my hubby.

OK, sorry for being late with this, but between work and a sick house, I haven't had the time. Let's start with AI.

I loved David Cook's song, but hated Lady Gaga. What the heck was that anyway? I am happy that Meagan went, and thought she was an idiot for opening her mouth and telling Simon "I don't care". I really think she had a shot of being their save, but that blew it for sure. So now we just need to get rid of Scott and probably Anoop, and then this might be an interesting season.

Now, on to hubby. Some of you may know that he is a convert to the church. In fact, on the 17th of this month will be the 10 year anniversary of his baptism. But throughout it all, he's had issues with the Word of Wisdom. Well, I am very happy and proud of him right now, because he gave up smoking last week, and hasn't had a cigarette in 7 days. Way to go, baby!!!