Five Things To Do When You Feel Like You're Not Enough

Take stock of the things you are consuming. || If you want to be a professional speaker, and the mega successful professional speakers you follow online are making you feel not good enough instead of inspired, it may be time to unfollow for a little bit. If you're trying to make it as a blogger, and the giant bloggers you follow are making you look at everything that's wrong with you instead of propelling you forward, maybe a little less of looking at their pictures and a little more finding things to consume that are encouraging to you.
There are seasons when all the bikini models on instagram couldn't make me feel bad about myself, and there are seasons when seeing a stranger on instagram with a cute haircut can send me into tears over a bad hair day. Know your seasons. Pay attention to them. 
Reevaluate who you're spending the most time with. || Let me tell you something - your circle should make you feel like more than enough. They should hype you up way too much. You should leave any time spent with them feeling like you can take on the whole world.
If I believe the things my family says, it's only a matter of time before I win a Grammy. If I believe my best friend, I'm the hottest person that ever walked the face of this earth every time I wear something cute. That's how it should be! So many things in this world are going to make you feel like you're not enough - the people you choose to do life with should not be one of them. 
Say it out loud! ||  Sometimes we have to say a doubt out loud in order to kill it. When you're feeling like you're not enough, speak the actual words out loud. Say it out loud to your friend: I feel like I'm not good enough for this. Talk it out. Make yourself talk out how you're feeling inadequate, and make yourself listen while they tell you how adequate you are. Say it out loud alone in your car: I feel like I'm not good enough for this. And then have a good laugh that you're worried over something so insignificant.
Ask yourself - Is this real? || This is something I've learned this year and is maybe the most powerful tool I've ever known about. Ask yourself: Is this real? 
Are you really not good enough? For example, lets say you're feeling not good enough at your job. Ask yourself and answer honestly: Are you not good enough for your job? 
Are you getting all your work done? Able to complete assignments without a problem? No complaints from your boss? Cool, you're good enough! Move on from that worry. Every time you come back to it, remind yourself of the reasons it's not real, and move on again.  
Are you not getting your work done on time? Really struggling with simple assignments? Your boss complaining about it? Okay, you might not be good enough for your job - YET. Get a plan to fix that! Take a class, meet with people who are good at what you're trying to become good at, and work. 
Every time the worry that you're not good enough pops up, acknowledge it, then remind yourself that you've got a plan to fix that and you're working on it. 
Do one thing that builds your confidence. || It feels good to do things we're good at. Are you good at writing? Write something. Baking? Bake your neighbors some cookies. Running? Lace on up. Do something you have confidence in to remind yourself how good enough you are. 

A Seat At Your Table

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. One of my favorite quotes is, "When you have more than you need, build a bigger table, not a higher fencer." I love that and I think it's so true. HOWEVER. In the same way I believe that, I also believe that not everyone gets a spot at your table. 
Your life is yours. Sure, you work for other people and live with other people and probably take care of other people. But at the end of the day, your life is yours, and who you share it with is entirely up to you. You're in charge of who gets to sit down at your table and eat. And while I believe in love and kindness and open arms, I also believe in protecting the preciousness that is your life. 
Growing up, when it came to bad friends, my grandma would say to me, "Do not cast your pearls before swine." Meaning, if you put expensive and beautiful jewels down in front of pigs, they're not going to appreciate them, and they're probably going to get them filthy. Same goes for your life - there are some people who aren't going to appreciate it.While I kind of understood the thought behind that then, it's something I truly understand in my adult life. Just like pigs don't deserve pearls, there are some people who just don't deserve a front row seat to your life. 
The friend that makes you feel bad about yourself? She doesn't deserve a seat at your table. 
The girl you follow online who constantly makes you feel like you are not enough? Your table is not for her. 
The toxic person in your life who hurts you? He can go now.
The coworker who you have to see at work, but is always talking down to you and making you feel less than? They are uninvited from your table. 
Guys, you don't have to do it. You don't have to share your life with everyone. You don't have to live a draining life just to please others.   
And let's be honest, that's what it does. It drains you. Having too many people at your table drains you. Trying to entertain and please and pacify people who have no business being up close and personal in your life drains you. Your life is worth so much more than that. You are worth so much more than that! 
Yes, we should be loving. Yes, we should be kind. Yes, we should be inclusive and open to others. HOWEVER. When someone shows you who they are...when they show you what their intentions are, when they show you how they plan on treating you...believe them. 
Your table? It's amazing. Those chairs at your table? VIP SEATING, BABY. Fill them wisely. 

On Being Thankful

As the year draws to a close, I've been thinking a lot about what 2018 looked like in my little corner of the world.  It was chock full of some really good things, some really bad things, and a lot of in between things, as years tend to do.

As far as my personal life goes, the best thing I started to do this year was a thankful list.  I got the idea after reading a blog post about how we can train our brains to focus on the positive things in life.

The theory behind the list, is that if you know that at the end of the day you're going to have to list 5 (or more) things that you were thankful for that day, you will eventually start LOOKING for little things to be thankful for.  So where typically you may have hit 3 green lights in a row on your morning commute and thought nothing of it, when your perspective is more one of gratitude, your brain notices those green lights and flags them as something good to add to your list at the end of the day.  I was intrigued by the concept and started to give it a go.

It is TRULY life changing.

And, the biggest reason I know it is life changing is that when I've had a bad day (or 4), I noticed that I stopped doing it.  And I could see a big difference in my perspective, and how I viewed my day.

Calling out the small things in life to be thankful for has completely shifted my thought processes.  I mean, if I'm going to let a few small bad things that happen to me ruin my day, why can't I do the same with the few, seemingly insignificant, good things that happen every day?

A small (and seemingly ridiculous, but go with me on this) example of this is tea.  If I hit the drive through for a tea, and it's cool (or at least not warm enough), I'm going to be a little annoyed.  But if I get to work, and my tea is still hot, I don't really think about it because tea is supposed to be hot.  But if I know that I need 5 little things to be thankful for, I'm going to be like, "Yes!  Hot tea!  This is awesome, and it's going on my list today!"

If you're thinking about 2019 goals/resolutions/intentions -- then this is a great one to start.  It so simple, but so impactful.  It is both doable, and completely life changing.

So grab yourself a small notebook, or open up the notes tab on your phone.  At the end of every day, write down 5 things you are thankful for.  Don't include the big things, like your family and friends -- just the little things from THAT day (like green lights or hot tea).  It can be surprisingly difficult the first few days, but that's kind of the point.  Train your brain to be happily surprised and thankful for those little things.

I promise you won't regret it.

Just Slow Down

I write some version of this post every year, and just like always, it's just as much for me as for anyone who may read it. 

Here we are, less than two weeks out from Christmas. Things tend to start to get a little hectic around this time, so I wanted to drop in with my yearly reminder for you to slow down and savor what this season is truly for and about.
'Tis the season for gifts and parties and lots of plans, yes. It's also the season for joy and gratitude and wonder. Don't lose those last three because you're so caught up in the first three. 

Joy and gratitude and wonder are all free, but you have to look for them. And, in my personal experience, it's a lot harder to find them if you're running around at light speed trying to do all the things. 

So this week, slow down for a minute or two and just savor the good things around you. Listen to your favorite Christmas music. Actually look at the Christmas lights in your neighborhood instead of just rushing to get home so you can rush to the next thing. Don't run yourself so ragged that you arrive at Christmas day exhausted and stressed over how much money you've spent. That's no way to start the new year. 
This time of year is beautiful and special for so many reasons other than what you can buy or what you have to do. So don't miss that! 

How To Spend Your December

It's the most magical month of the yeeeaaar!   There are 31 glorious days this month, and I have a few ideas of how to spend some of those days.

1.  Start an advent calendar/reading plan.  Yes, we're a few days late.  Yes, we can still do it.

2.  Donate to those in need.  There are likely things in your kitchen that you can donate to a local food bank, and you wouldn't even miss them.  But, they could sure make someone else's holiday a whole lot better.

3.  Make a playlist of your favorite Christmas songs.  Blast said playlist loudly and as often as possible.

4.  Decorate for Christmas.  Whether you go all out of opt for a mini-tree; do what makes you happy.

5.  Watch "Elf".  Not in the Christmas spirit yet?  I've got just the cure.

6.  Mail someone a Christmas card.  Bonus points if it's someone who wouldn't expect it.

7.  Look up festive things happening in your town this month.    Pick a few and go out and do them.

8.  Get some holiday flavored coffee, hot chocolate or cider.  There's nothing that pairs better with a great holiday movie, or a mid-day pick-me-up.

9.  Declutter.  Especially if you have kids who will be receiving lots of new clothes/toys this Christmas.  It's a perfect time to donate no longer loved items. 

10.  Be a secret Santa.  There is no better feeling that knowing you've brightened someone's holiday mood. 

11.  Bake Christmas treats.  Keep them for yourself or share them with your friends.

12.  Watch your favorite Christmas movie.  (See #5)

13.  Watch a Christmas movie you've never seen before.

14.  Take pictures with Santa.  Take your kid or your pet and then please share these pictures.


15. Get dressed up. There's just something about getting dressed up in December. You can get fancier than normal and it just feels right. 

16. Do something that has nothing to do with your to-do list. Take a break and check in with yourself. Don't get so busy doing all the things that you don't enjoy this season.  17.  Have a dinner party.  Whether you invite over the whole neighborhood or just cook your favorite festive things and watch a movie, both are perfect. 

18.  Make your last-minute Christmas shopping a festive celebration. Last minute shopping used to stress me out to NO END. But the last few years, I've made it into a celebration...Christmas music, peppermint mochas, enjoying all the store's decorations. 

19.  Go to a Christmas service. Regardless of your faith, there's something incredibly peaceful about Christmas services. 

20.  Go look at Christmas lights. 

21.  Have the MOST lazy day. Yesterday was probably crazy, take a break today! 

22.  Spend some time reflecting on 2018. What do you hope to be different in 2019?

23.  Write 2018 a letter. 

24.  Set some goals! Whatcha gonna do with this new year headed your way?

How will you be spending December?

Easy Ways To Be Happy

In the monotony of daily life, chasing after happiness can seem like an endless, really big project. And sometimes, it is. But sometimes it's simpler and more easily attained than we make it out to be. Sometimes no big changes need to be made, no big trips need to be taken. Sometimes you're just a few minutes away from happy. 

Some simple ways to find your happiness today. . .
Go for ice cream. There's a reason everyone loves going for ice cream when they're a kid...because it's a happy thing! No reason that should stop just because you're an adult now. 
Watch the sunset. Getting outside in any way helps put me in a good mood, but being outside and watching the sky wind down for the night in the most beautiful way, it's hard to not feel happy. 
Make your favorite kind of cup of coffee, tea, anything!!. Iced coffee or a cappuccino or a shot of espresso, frap, tea -- hot or iced...make your favorite and then take a few minutes to just enjoy it. 
Watch your favorite movie. It's your favorite for a reason! 
Take a bubble bath. It's my personal belief that bubble baths can right most wrongs in life; especially with some nice music, a cold drink, and a good book. 
Cook your favorite dinner. 
Or, order your favorite dinner instead. 
Go for a drive and listen to the music that makes you happy. Bonus points if you hit up Wendy's for a frosty while you're out.

Look through the pictures on your phone. I take so many pictures of the kids just on a whim or during a funny moment and then forget about them. Looking back at them always puts me in a good mood.

Plan a vacation. Even if it's not one you can take this year (or even next year), there's something inherently happy about vacation planning. Dream a little, look up the places you've always wanted to go, and start planning!
What are some easy ways you add happiness to your day?

If I Could Tell You Anything

If I could tell you anything -- I mean anything.....and you would believe me, here's what I'd say.

You are enough. You are so enough. I know that you probably don't think so, and when you look at your life as a whole, the first thing you notice is the places where you don't feel like you are enough. But listen to me, you beautiful creature, you: You are enough. I think that sometimes we feel like we're not enough because we keep forcing things on ourselves that were never meant for us. We try to wear hats we were never meant to wear, try to fill positions we were never meant to fill, try to be things for people that we were never meant to be. But the things that were meant for you? Oh, babe. You are more than enough. 
You are loved. More than you know.

You are a force to be reckoned with. You're gifted in such specific ways. When you recognize those areas and use those things, watch out, world. 

Sometimes the right choice and the right feelings come at different times. So if you're feeling crappy about that decision you had to make because you know in your gut it was the right thing to do, hold on just a little longer. Emotions are fickle things, and it can take them awhile to catch up. 

The small steps you're taking are adding up. So keep up the work. I know it's hard to not see instant results when you feel like you're working hard. It sucks to not see a big paycheck or a toned stomach or a restored relationship right away, but I promise, the work you're doing will get you there. Those small steps are leading you to the right place. Keep taking them. Keep working hard. 

Happy Tuesday, friends!  I am sending much love your way today.