Things That REALLY Need To Be Normalized

 Boundaries

Not explaining yourself to other people

Not finishing books you don't feel like finishing for any reason - at any point...three pages in, 100 pages in, 25 pages from the end

Reading for pleasure, not to learn or improve

Expressing joy even when the world is not a joyful place

Aging in a manner that does not try to re-capture the appearance of youth

Lower income people who get any type of government assistance having things and doing things because everyone deserves to live in some way that is not necessary and you don't get to judge them for it like a sanctimonious asshole

Wearing and re-wearing clothes you’ve had for years 

Relationships and friendships running their course or changing - not everything lasts forever, and not everyone is meant to be on your journey with you forever, and that is okay - there shouldn't be bad feelings about that

The importance of platonic love, investing in it, and telling your friends you love them. There are forever people too. Know who they are and treat them as such.

Self-preservation 

Actual work/life balance in action

Kids not being good at every subject in school

Kids not liking sports

Saying no when you don't want to do something even if you feel pressure to say yes

Changing your opinion when you receive new information

People not drinking alcohol without you knowing why

Living outside of social media and not explaining where you’ve been if you’ve been off of it 

People not getting married or having children

All body types being the body types for whatever those people want to wear

Not touching and not making kids hug and kiss people unless they want to. Not everyone wants a hug or a handshake in the times of COVID (or in regular every day times)

Contacting elected officials to give them your opinion on anything, especially what their votes should be on big bills

Reusing and repurposing whatever we can 

People loving who they love and being attracted who they are attracted to and hetero not being the only sexuality out there

People prioritizing mental health over everything, including and especially their jobs, even if they are athletes or celebrities, jobs you in your non-doctor opinion think they should be fine doing regardless of health issues

Full sex education in schools

Treating people and families dealing with addiction with compassion instead of derision because if it is ever your family, you will need that compassion

Wearing what you are comfortable in and not downplaying your appearance to others like you're some sort of slob because you are comfortable

Making all possible accommodations for disabled people and people with limited mobility 

Body hair on women (to whatever degree she feels comfortable with)

Valuing everything in women over them being nice and quiet

Having a packed bag in your car with a bottle of water, first aid kit, blanket, power bar, flashlight 

People using pronouns they prefer without commentary from you

Talking freely about periods, post partum depression, menopause 

Men being emotional people

Talking about race and confronting white supremacy in ourselves and each other

Talking about important shit offline

Not accepting and summarily dismissing harmful shit as a "difference of opinion" you can co-exist around. Co-existing with other people's racism, misogyny, classism, and hypocritical ignorance and refusing to address those things in ourselves when they surface is one of the ways we've gotten to this period in time in this country

Not Your Every Day Pep Talk

 

I try to keep this little corner of the blogosphere a positive, happy place, and try to keep things light and uplifting.

Well, 2021 has kind of put a kibosh on that plan.....as may be evident in my lack of posting anything here in over 6 months.  It kind of all started when we suddenly and unexpectedly lost my younger brother in February (that will be an entire other post in and of itself).....and thanks to the ravages that are COVID-19, it has just gotten worse from there.  In the past few months I've lost family, friends, and coworkers to this crazy virus.  I've seen families literally be pulled apart at the seams by loss and tragedy, including my own.        

And the last few days, I’ve wondered – how do you go on after that? After you see something so devastating. After you see people you love broken, split right in two. How do you get to a place where you see life as good when you just saw how fast it can be over? 

Hell if I know.

All I know is this: You can. And you have to. 

You can. Even when it really, really hurts. You are strong, even when it feels like you are two seconds away from breaking. You are able, even when you feel helpless. You are a warrior, even when you feel your absolute weakest. And most importantly: It’s okay to believe these things even when you don’t feel them. 

The phrase, life has ups and downs doesn’t seem fitting enough. More like, life has magical mountaintops and valleys in the very pit of Hell. And you don’t have to understand them to keep going. You don’t even have to have a positive outlook to keep going. There are some things a positive outlook just doesn’t exist for. 

I don’t think it’s always about finding hope and joy and motivation. Those things are so wonderful, but you don’t always have to find them. Sometimes, you just have to be willing to be open to looking for them. 

So if you’re a little down lately, I want to say that I see you and I feel where you’re at. If you’re a lot down lately, I see you and I feel where you’re at. If it feels like you’re immersed in total darkness, like the lights are never, ever going to come back on…I see you and I feel where you’re at.

It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to not see a bright side anywhere in sight. Trust me, some things have no bright side. 

So our pep talk today isn’t the happiest I’ve ever written. It’s certainly not about being happy and getting up and doing all of the things. 

Today, it’s just a little reminder that you’re not alone. We all go through these seriously tough things. 

It’s okay to be terrified of the dark and at the same time have no idea how you’ll ever turn a light on. 

Today’s pep talk is this: Sit in the dark for however long you need to. Just please, please don’t lose sight that one day, the light will shine in again. 

It will. 

There's Always Something to be Thankful For

 

Every single day, I give thanks to the universe for something in my life - big or small.  I try to aim for three things, but sometimes I'm a miserable witch and can only come up with one.  I honestly believe that I won't, and shouldn't, get anything else, material or immaterial, without acknowledging what I already have.

We often take for granted the very things that deserve our gratitude: our health, the roof over our head, the heat warming out home, the food in the fridge, the jobs that allow us to pay for these things, the fact that a Tim Horton's ice capp is never more than 5 blocks away....you know, the important things.

I challenge you to not only say you're thankful - but to live like you are.

The following is a list of things I'm grateful for.  It is in no way complete, and is totally off the cuff.  What's on your list.

I'm grateful for:

1.  My family -- both the one I was born into and the one I've chosen through marriage and through my friendships.  I have some AMAZING sisters that I don't share any DNA with.

2.  For my comfortable, clean, lived-in home; where there are always friends and family around.  Where my kids know there is always a full pantry and fridge.  Movies, games, and sports are regular bonding moments, and everyone knows they can come for food, comfort, conversation, and love.

3.  For my goofy dog, and the unadulterated joy he brings into our lives.

4.  That I have a husband who cooks and makes sure we are always well fed. (My favorite dish.....and yes, the husband made this)

5. For DVR and Netflix.....we are pretty much homebodies, and we love to snuggle up and binge (if there's not a game on)

6.  For music -- I am forever grateful that I've been blessed with the musical gifts that I have.  I love music in almost every form and genre, and I'm lucky to be able to share that with people.

7.  For my freedom, and those who put their lives on the line every day so that I can keep it.

8.  For books....all of the books.  Some women want a million cats.....I just want all the books.

I could go on and on.....and maybe next Thanksgiving I'll do this again, because it's not that hard to find things to be thankful for and reasons to be grateful.

 

             

For the Love of Muffins -- Consult a Grammar Guide

 Particularly in these instances:

1. they're, there, their --  They're putting their books right there.

2. your, you're -- You're going to regret not bringing your umbrella.

3. lose, loose -- You lose games. Your clothing is loose.

4. quite, quiet -- The evening was quite quiet.

5. to, too -- You're too nice to her.

6. Incorrect use of plural and possessive forms. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you are an offender. This drives me totally insane. When you address something to people, it is The Smiths, not The Smith's.  Possessive form of a noun indicates that the noun owns something, so if you use that apostrophe, the noun better be in possession of something.

7. Cutesy spellings --  Nite. Lite. No.

8. "The" is a word that has no abbreviation. "Da" is not a form or abbreviation of "the". Don't use it. I'm serious.

9. If you can type out gr8t, you can surely type out great. The same goes for 2 - it's just one keystroke less than to. R instead of are saves you 1.5 seconds. It also makes you look stupid. 

10. Compose texts and emails as if you're speaking out loud to someone. If you say it out loud and it's reminiscent of sounding out words when you learned to read, stop. Start again.

Take your time. Think about what you're saying. Express yourself intelligently. Make your kids do the same. When you're not sure how to write or spell something, look it up in a reference guide or on the world wide web.

You may now return to COVID-19 coverage and the corresponding Facebook status updates.

Grammatically yours,

Erin

My Baby is 16!

Dear Ryker:

How can it be possible that sixteen years have passed since the first time I held you in my arms? I remember every detail about your birth, and often replay that day in my head – wishing I could go back and relive it one more time. You were my last-born; the one who perfectly bookended your oldest brother and solidified our family.  You have created a love inside of me so fierce, so unbreakable, so unending, and so unconditional. I am incredibly lucky to have been chosen to be your mom. I really must have done something right in life to have been given a child like you.

You have grown into an amazing young man. You are that person that I always wished I could be. You are handsome, confident, smart, and well-liked by everyone. You shine in everything you do. Even though you are the "baby", your siblings look up to you, as do your friends and anyone who enters your orbit.

Please know how incredibly proud I am of you. I know I have been hard on you at times. I set high expectations that you sometimes feel are impossible to reach. Let me reassure you that you have never ever disappointed me. I set those expectations because I want you to achieve everything you have ever wanted. I want all of your greatest dreams to come true. I never want you to feel undeserving of anything, because you deserve the absolute best that life has to offer.

I want you to keep that confidence you have now, and continue to try new things; to meet new people. You never know what door will open if you just put yourself out there. You will make mistakes, but it’s okay because that’s how you learn lessons and become a better person. I’ve certainly made my share of them, and still make them today. Those mistakes created the path to the amazing life I have today.

To be honest, you have probably taught me more than I think I’ve taught you.  You choose to see the good in people, and stand up for others even when you are standing alone. I’ll probably still lecture you simply because I am your mom and that’s what we do, but following your examples, my life has become much more fulfilling.

It amazes me how people are drawn to you. I can send you to a basketball camp half way across the province, knowing nobody, and you come home with a dozen new best friends. I admire your quiet strength in the way you accept the unfair things that happen to you (no 16th birthday party, not getting to take your driver's test today, no camps this summer.....stupid COVID). You keep moving forward, never letting them drag you down.

I hope your birthday is everything you dreamed it could be. Remember how loved you are. You are forever my sweet baby, your dad’s sidekick,  and your brother’s best friend. We will all always be here for you – your biggest fans.

Your story is just beginning. I can’t wait to watch you write it.

I love you times infinity.

Mom

2019 -- My Top 10 Year In Review

Another year -- another decade!  How crazy is that?  It's hard to believe that 2020 is here.  I've decided to do a little post on a few of my Top 10s of 2019.  Feel free to share yours with me.  *Note that ALL of my lists are in no particular order*

Top 10 of my favorite songs that came out in 2019. 

10.  Me -- Taylor Swift
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJrejf8blAA

9.  I Don't Care -- Ed Sheeran feat. Justin Bieber
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xznoYl1ZKE

8.  Sweet But Psycho -- Ava Max
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KBFD0aoZy8

7. Sucker -- Jonas Brothers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yG60iRJwmfA

6.  Memories -- Maroon 5
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_iH2YSaY3U

5.  Circles -- Post Malone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPW22-RUM1k

4.  Only Human -- Jonas Brothers (yes twice....don't judge me)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErZKnkp0SmE

3.  Blinding Lights -- The Weeknd
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHI8X4OXluQ

2.  Bad Guy -- Billie Eilish
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-TbQnONe_w

1.  Someone You Loved -- Lewis Capaldi (OK....this is my number 1 favorite song of 2019)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1yVCeXYya4

Top 10 Books I Read in 2019

Let me just say....if you are fans of crime/suspense drama type books, the Kellerman's are phenomenal authors.  Seriously, Jonathan, Jesse or Faye Kellerman -- you can't go wrong!

 10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

Top 10 of my Favorite Movies released in 2019

Again these are in no particular order

10.  Three of the hottest men in Hollywood?  Yes, please.

9.  Cute, family film

8.  All Avengers movies are good Avengers movies

7.  Definitely a different take on the character, but I thought it was really well done.

6.  LOVED!!!!!

5.  OK, so this is a loooong (3.5 hours) movie, but you can't go wrong with DeNiro, Pacino and Pesci

4.  I've watched and enjoyed the entire trilogy.  I think Gerard Butler is a very underrated actor.

3.  Taron Egerton is phenomenal in this movie

2.  OK, so the movie itself was only about a 7/10, but the comic relief in the character "Pawny" was awesome.

1.  Cute movie.....and at least it wasn't Toby McGuire

Top 10 of my Favorite Pictures I took in 2019

These are completely random pictures I took throughout the year.  No rhyme or reason.

So there you have it folks. Let me know what you think, and if you've seen any great movies, read some awesome books or heard some amazing songs this year, please share.

Here's hoping 2020 is even more amazing than 2019 was!!

Five Things To Do When You Feel Like You're Not Enough

Take stock of the things you are consuming. || If you want to be a professional speaker, and the mega successful professional speakers you follow online are making you feel not good enough instead of inspired, it may be time to unfollow for a little bit. If you're trying to make it as a blogger, and the giant bloggers you follow are making you look at everything that's wrong with you instead of propelling you forward, maybe a little less of looking at their pictures and a little more finding things to consume that are encouraging to you.
There are seasons when all the bikini models on instagram couldn't make me feel bad about myself, and there are seasons when seeing a stranger on instagram with a cute haircut can send me into tears over a bad hair day. Know your seasons. Pay attention to them. 
Reevaluate who you're spending the most time with. || Let me tell you something - your circle should make you feel like more than enough. They should hype you up way too much. You should leave any time spent with them feeling like you can take on the whole world.
If I believe the things my family says, it's only a matter of time before I win a Grammy. If I believe my best friend, I'm the hottest person that ever walked the face of this earth every time I wear something cute. That's how it should be! So many things in this world are going to make you feel like you're not enough - the people you choose to do life with should not be one of them. 
Say it out loud! ||  Sometimes we have to say a doubt out loud in order to kill it. When you're feeling like you're not enough, speak the actual words out loud. Say it out loud to your friend: I feel like I'm not good enough for this. Talk it out. Make yourself talk out how you're feeling inadequate, and make yourself listen while they tell you how adequate you are. Say it out loud alone in your car: I feel like I'm not good enough for this. And then have a good laugh that you're worried over something so insignificant.
Ask yourself - Is this real? || This is something I've learned this year and is maybe the most powerful tool I've ever known about. Ask yourself: Is this real? 
Are you really not good enough? For example, lets say you're feeling not good enough at your job. Ask yourself and answer honestly: Are you not good enough for your job? 
Are you getting all your work done? Able to complete assignments without a problem? No complaints from your boss? Cool, you're good enough! Move on from that worry. Every time you come back to it, remind yourself of the reasons it's not real, and move on again.  
Are you not getting your work done on time? Really struggling with simple assignments? Your boss complaining about it? Okay, you might not be good enough for your job - YET. Get a plan to fix that! Take a class, meet with people who are good at what you're trying to become good at, and work. 
Every time the worry that you're not good enough pops up, acknowledge it, then remind yourself that you've got a plan to fix that and you're working on it. 
Do one thing that builds your confidence. || It feels good to do things we're good at. Are you good at writing? Write something. Baking? Bake your neighbors some cookies. Running? Lace on up. Do something you have confidence in to remind yourself how good enough you are.