Open Letter to my 8-yr Old

* Using an entire tube of my expensive hair cream to spike and style your boy cut is not ok.......especially if you do it every hour.

* Underwear is for actually wearing believe it or not. It is not a decoration to be scattered around your bedroom and is not to be used to wipe pee off of the toilet seat. You are supposed to wear it. Every day. Going commando at such a young age is gross. At any age it is gross. It is also winter.....-30 and wearing underwear would help to keep your privates warm. Just a thought.

* Socks are to be changed every day. You are not supposed to wear the same pair of socks for 10 days straight or until they become one with your flesh. It is gross. It is stinky. Ewww.......

* Flashing your brothers is wrong. No one in the house needs to be flashed. Ever. You can be a nudist whenever you want. In the privacy of your own home after you have moved out --please and thank you.

* Calling your brothers "moron", "stupid", "idiot" and so on does not make you cool. Eventually they will be bigger than you (one already is) and we are working our hardest to teach the three of you not to tolerate being bullied. If you bully him...well..........

* When people come to our house to visit, it is not expected that they bring you a gift everytime. Just because it seemed that way during the holidays, it does not mean that it will continue year round. I would love it if people brought me a gift too but I don't expect it. Chocolate is always a favourite. Or bath products. Or books. I like scrapbooking stuff too.

* Setting your alarm for 7am and then spending the next hour whining and crying because you want to stay in bed is not how I enjoy waking up. I would prefer it if you were happy and excited to start your day, thank you very much.

* It is ok to flush the toilet after you do your business. Really. A monster is not going to come out of the bowl and attack your bum. Honest.

* Burping and tooting is a natural thing that our bodies do. Sure it can be extremely funny at times but it is not funny ALL of the time. We would really appreciate some manners when you have to expell some gas. This is not a barn, but we do have ocould find one and would be happy to set up a bedroom for you out there.

I love you son. Even though you drive me crazy sometimes.

xo Mom