Ready, Aim......Misfire

Are we all in agreement that men are the lazier of the two sexes? The slightly less competent, less capable versions of women? Yes? Yes.

So, why is it that God decided to gift men with the piece of anatomy that requires precision and effort while urinating?

It’s just not right, if you ask me.

Now, don’t get me wrong: I am very thankful to have been born with a vagina. There has never been a single moment where I debated pulling a Chaz— I’ll gladly take the aches and pains of menstrual cramps, childbirth, and leg shaving for the trade-off of donning lipstick, birthing children and adding an extra few inches to my frame with heels. Plain and simple, I enjoy being a girl.

But, I often marvel at the fact that my husband seems incapable of replacing the roll of toilet paper correctly or mastering the simple recycling process. He can’t seem to do anything with precision, so why expect him to master a bull’s eye with his penis? Especially at two o’clock in the morning… in the dark? It seems an awful lot to ask, doesn’t it?

As I weaned the last of my boys off of diapers, I wondered if I should have saved years of frustration for both myself and my children’s future partners by insisting that they pee sitting down. Masculine, it’s not, but the trade-off may indeed be worth it. Because, really, I’m just not sure men are cut out for something so complex. And I can think of far better ways to spend an afternoon than cleaning up mis-aimed pee pee.