Happy Birthday 10 Yr. Old

Dear Randall:

It seems so cliche to say that "Time flies when you're having fun," but in this instance, I truly believe it. Could have been last month that I was sitting in the doctor's office, planning on the day of your birth. I remember it vividly.

It's been ten years ago today, that you breathed your first breath. I could never put into words the sound of your first cry, and the relief I felt when I heard it, knowing that you were healthy and striving.

Seeing your dad hold you like a tiny fragile bundle, gazing into your eyes, kissing your soft face. You were the most beautiful newborn creature I had ever laid eyes on.....just like your big brother had been three years earlier.

My favorite time was the three days we got to spend together in the hospital. We snuggled and loved on each other in complete privacy, and it was as if there was no one else in the world but you and me. I studied your brand new features. Your tiny fingernails. Your tender, pink skin. I sniffed your head endlessly all day, like I was getting a high just from your sweet, intoxicating smell. I was in such a daze when we first met.

I have savored your childhood more than anything else in this world, and I am sad to see it go as you turn ten today. If I could ask for one thing in the whole wide world, it would be to keep you my baby forever -- for you to need me as you did the day you entered this world until the day we both depart this world.

Randall, I am for sure going to be shedding some tears today but please don't hold it against me. I am so very happy to see you reach your tenth birthday and every single birthday to come, but at the same time, I am mourning the past as well.

Gone are the days of the late-night rendezvous while the rest of the world sleeps. I am no longer your only source for nutrition and being. From when you used to reach for me every time you needed so much as a hug, to where you proclaim your freedom by pushing me away. Going forward, your independence will grow and grow until you no longer need me to help you through life, pick you up when you cry and feed you when you are hungry.

Although you may not always remember the details of this special day, I hope that you will remember how much you are loved and cherished and valued today and for always.

Happy birthday big guy! I love you!

Mama