10 Years without Granny

10 years ago today, my family lost it's heart and soul. My grandma passed away quietly in her sleep, which is quite a feat if you knew granny. She never did anything too quietly. She was large, loud and full of life. She was the perfect matriarch for our large, loud, full of life family.

I always felt throughout my life that her and I had a certain special "connection"; a bond that surpassed anything in this life. I often wondered if I was supposed to be her daughter.....but for some reason that didn't happen, and the Lord, in His divine wisdom, found a way for us to be connected in this life anyway.

The day she passed away, I wrote a letter to her in my journal.....and although that was 10 yrs ago, it still rings true to this day. So I thought I would share that journal entry with you.

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Dear Grandma;

My dad phoned me this morning to tell me that you had passed away last night. I have to tell you that this completely shocked Ross and I. We never thought that you would be going this quick. There were so many things I should've said to you that I never did.

You were my most favorite woman on earth. I know that I have told you I love you a million times, but I really don't think either of us knew how much. There are so many things that I learned from you. You taught me that no matter how tough you life seems, you always have something to live for. Watching you and grandpa showed me how to be a devoted and loyal wife. (please don't take this to mean I value my own mother any less....because it isn't like that) Your love for your grandchildren and great grandchildren is unsurpassable.

I wish you would have stayed around long enough to give me your potato salad recipe. I don't think I will be able to ever eat potato salad again. And now when I come to Mayberry, (not really the name of my home town) who am I going to go for a Coke and chocolate bar with. And I'm not even sure I'll come to Mayberry for Canada Day or Christmas anymore. I just don't things will be the same, and I'm not sure I'll like that too much.

And my poor little Andrew...what is he going to do without his "Neff"? He always points you out in his scrapbook. I'm scared about taking him to your house tomorrow, for fear that he'll go looking for you. And grandpa.....I really don't think he'll survive well without you. He actually broke down on the phone this morning.

I hope that you are happy where you are now. I know that you are safe and at peace; no more broken bones. And I'm sure that you are as beautiful now as you were on your wedding day. I'm glad to hear that your mother was there to take you home. And I'm hoping you can do me a favor, granny. Do you remember the baby that I lost in October? If his or her little spirit is up there, could you please look after them for me? I think they would appreciate having and "grandma".

Thanks for all the nights you let me sleep over. Thank you for always letting me know to come to you if I needed a place to "run away to".....even if I never took you up on it. I just hope that whatever Heavenly father took you home to do, that it was important. I'm sure that it is, but somehow that doesn't help me feel any better right now.

I love you grandma. Please stay the wonderful, beautiful woman that I have always known you to be. And check in on me once in a while. You're forever in my heart.

Love Forever,

Erin

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