Believe in YOU!!!

Have you ever been faced with a daunting, insurmountable situation that made you feel like no matter what you did, you just weren't going to make it out? Or a dream that you really, really wanted, but seemed nearly impossible from all angles? 
If you have, and have had a friend come alongside you and say, "oh my goodness, you were made for this! You're amazing, you've got this, I believe in you, I love you" then you know just how powerful it is to have someone believe in you. 

It's so important to surround yourself with those kinds of people. It is essential that the people you allow into your inner circle are the kind of people who will cheer you on, who will go to war for you,  who will believe in you, who will remind you of your own greatness. Those are the best types of friends. 

But for the love of muffins, please be your own friend. Please believe in your own self. 

There's a special kind of magic that comes from believing in yourself. It comes with a sort of power, because no one other than you can give it to you, so no one other than you can take it away. 

You are amazing. It's true that you've got this. You were made for that dream that's burning in your heart. You are worthy of success and love. All of those things are already true. But when you start to believe them for yourself? Ooh, girl. Gamechanger. Stand-back-world-because-here-I-am-kinda-gamechanger.

You are magic. Time to start believing it.

Don't Apologize For Who You Are

I say "sorry" entirely too often. It's something I'm working on, but I have a long way to go. A friend told me this that when you say "sorry" all the time, it cheapens your apologies, and that was really thought-provoking to me. I want my apologies to mean something, so I started looking at the types of things I apologize for. 
Wanna know what I found? I apologize a lot for who I am. 

Sorry, I shouldn't have gotten my feelings hurt over that. I'm too sensitive. 

Sorry, I'm a mom, so I can't go out with you tonight because my kids have a football/volleyball/basketball game.
Sorry, I'm a blogger, so I really want to go back there and take a picture of that so I can use it in a post. 
When you apologize for parts of who you are, it's like you're intentionally cutting yourself down. And it's really, really hard to love someone who is always cutting you down. And if anyone should be able to love you, it's you. 
I'm extremely imperfect. I'm very bad at making decisions, they take me forever. I get really emotionally invested in silly things, so I sometimes cry over stuff that is unimportant, in the grand scheme of things. 
Do you know who I owe an apology to about these things? 

Not a single person. 

If you're like me and say "sorry" without even thinking about it, I want to challenge you to start paying attention to the things that get your apologies. And I want you to stop handing them out when it comes to who you are. 

You are amazing, flaws and all, and you should never apologize for who you are. 

To My Max on Your 18th Birthday

Dear Max;

We made it, Buddy!  Happy 18th birthday!  Do you feel any different than you did yesterday?  Maybe you should.  Today marks the day that you can legally vote (Please do so deliberately and carefully), purchase cigarettes (Please don't ruin those perfectly healthy lungs.  I invested 9 months in their creation!), enter into binding contracts (Beware of unnecessary debt...which pretty much means any and all debt), and fight and die for your country (Let's hope it never comes to that).

Since this is such a momentous occasion, I thought I would write you a very personal letter (and then post it on the internet for the whole world to see).  Today is both a wonderful and miserable day for me.  I've found myself vacillating between exuberant celebration for having successfully birthed, raised, taught, nurtured, and released out into the world a productive and thoughtful member of society...and getting lost in a bottle of vodka,  drunk with sadness because my baby is all grown up.

Some days I miss that tiny baby...and the sweet chubby toddler...and the trusting innocent child that you were.  You see time is in ways a mother's worst enemy.  It in small stages robs her of her babies.  It seems as if one day I reached out to kiss you on the cheek and suddenly had to look up instead of reach down. And in the place of my precious baby boy stood a grown man.  It's humbling and beautiful and exciting...even if it is somewhat bittersweet for me.

I know that I often view you through mom-colored glasses, seeing only your best qualities and elements of your nature...the rougher edges  made foggy as they are viewed through love.  But I do know that you have grown into a thoughtful, respectful, intelligent, and freethinking person.  I am proud and humbled to have in small ways helped you on that journey. 

The journey hasn't been an easy one.  I was really still a kid when you came along, already trying to raise one crazy toddler.  I still knew very little about being a parent (although I was sure I had it all figured out.  I mean...I hadn't completely screwed your older brother up, yet.  How hard could it possibly be?) and we had to grow together.  I apologize for my many mistakes and shortcomings.  And while there were many times I understood why in some species of animals mothers eat their young, I am mostly grateful we weren't born guppies or hamsters or polar bears.  Because had I devoured you in some moment of frazzled motherhood exhaustion and desperation, I would have missed out on so many moments of deep joy and friendship.

Yes...friendship.  I count it as my greatest success and reward as a parent to have helped raise someone so wonderfully witty and caring and profound, that I would seek you as a friend even if we didn't share DNA and hormonal bonding.  I am as proud to call you my friend as I am to call you my son.

You've stretched my heart in the same way you once stretched my body.  Those silvery lines of stretchmarks are lasting signs of how you grew too big for my body to hold.  I imagine similar silvery stretchmarks on my heart  (metaphorical of course, because....OUCH.)...which also wasn't big enough in the beginning to hold all of my love for you.  Sometimes it still feels like it isn't big enough, and that I might just burst open (But then who would have to clean THAT mess up?).

I've been thinking for several months now about all of the wonderful cliched grown-up advice I should give you on this, your first day of legal adulthood.  Things like:

• Remember who you are.
• Be confident, but stay humble.
• Don't forget to floss.
• Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself.
• Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
• Be a voice not an echo.
• Please, please, please don't get in an accident if you aren't wearing clean underwear.
• The grass is only greener on the other side because it's fertilized with bullshit.
• You were born an original.  Don't die a copy.

And most importantly:

• DON'T GROW UP! IT'S A TRAP!

But I tossed out the list.  I've always been the kind of mother who doesn't tell you what to do (unless it's the 10th time I've asked you to take out the trash...or do the dishes...or to absolutely not under any circumstances kill your little brother!).  Instead I've let you figure most things out on your own, to make your own decisions and mistakes, to give advice and boundaries in ways that still let you seek your heart's desire.  Why should I start telling you what to do now?  I know you are going to be just fine, probably much more than fine.

Welcome to the adult world, Buddy.  I assure you it isn't quite everything that it's hyped up to be.  But it isn't as bad as some people make it out to be, either.  In fact, it's pretty much what you make it.  I know you'll make it a beautiful one (in much the same way you've made mine beautiful).  So your life is no longer in my hands...it's in your own. But remember that no matter where this adventure might lead you...I will always be your mother, and your friend...and your number one fan.

Love;

Your momma

You Are Enough

HEY, YOU. 

You are enough. 

That big dream you have, the one that seems far too big and bold and grand to ever really be yours, you are enough for that. 

The days you wake up and look at your to-do list that has grown miles long, but ish has hit the fan and it's time to get to work, you are enough for that. 

The days where life comes at you in all directions (none of them good), and you have to be your own warrior, you are enough for that. 

The days you have to be not only your own strength but someone else's, too, you are enough for that. 

You are strong enough. 

You are smart enough. 

You are worthy enough. 

You are brave enough. 

When you wake up one day and realize you aren't in love with your life and desperately want a fresh start, you are enough to stand up and start over. 

When little daily worries and big life disasters feel like they're going to drown you, you are enough to stand firm and hold on. 

On the days you feel inadequate, the days you're sure you'll never be a good enough

worker/mom/friend, you are enough. 

You are not perfect, but you don't have to be. Because you are enough. 

Being a Better Person

I am 100% of the belief that you can become a better person. Just like you can become a better writer, or a better tennis player, or a better cook. If something is important to you, you'll put the effort in, and being a good human is important to me. Here are some ways I'm trying to get better at it. 

1. I'm trying to let little things bother me less. The other day, I burnt a piece of chicken I was cooking and then knocked over a glass of water. I said, out loud to myself, "What a crappy night." And then actually laughed at myself, because, seriously? If I'm going to be the kind of person who lets some spilled water ruin their night, I'm going to have a pretty miserable existence. So none of that! 

2. Saying less of "here I am" and more of "there you are!" I heard a saying recently that there are two types of people: People who walk in a room and say HERE I AM! And people who walk in a room and say, "There you are!" I want to be the second person. 
3. Eating better and working out. Plain and simple, this is making me a better person physically. It's important!

4. Making space for people. When I first started my spring cleaning this year, I would say to myself, "The goal here is to create space".  Then I would drive me crazy. Because there's only so much space, it already exists, and I cannot make more. What kind of hippie nonsense is this? But the more I said it, the more I got it, and the more I see how it translates over to real life. 
You only have so much space in your life, but you get to move it around and manipulate it to fit where you want it and choose who gets to take it up. And I want to choose to create space for the people who matter. I want to create space for my friends to call me if they're having a bad day. Space for people to be able to ask for my help. Space for canceled plans in order for me to be there for my people. 

5. Consciously choosing kindness. I consider myself to be a pretty kind person. And yes, it would be awesome if I was always automatically kind without even thinking about it, but that's not always the case. So I'm working on thinking about it. Actually waking up and deciding to be kind. Taking a breath in the heat of a frustrating moment and actively choosing kindness. 

6. Less judging. Period. This year has taught me that very, very few things are black and white. I have no idea what someone is going through, or where they're coming from, so my judgment has no place here. When I feel judgey in a situation, I'm trying to notice it and replace that with love. 

7. Trying, even in the seemingly impossible situations. Maybe a few dollars isn't going to change a homeless person's life around. Maybe calling your city councilor isn't going to change their mind. Maybe offering your support isn't going to break someone's addiction. But I, for one, want to be able to say I always tried, no matter how hopeless a situation seemed. 
8. Listening. How often do we say, "how's it going?" in passing without really caring about the response? Or how often are we in a conversation, just nodding but also scrolling through our phones? I'm working on becoming a better listener instead. 

9. Responding to my texts and emails. Goodness gracious, I am so bad at this. Some of it's due to getting anxious over things, but some of it is due to pure laziness/procrastination. I'm working on responding to things in a much timelier matter, even if my response is just, "I'll have to get back to you."

10. Learning the best ways to love my people. We all feel most loved in different ways. I have a friend who's whole month is made by sending her a 99 cent greeting card saying hi, and one friend who feels appreciated when someone acknowledges her hard work. I have a friend who feels loved by phone calls. Another friend hates talking on the phone, but loves funny texts full of inappropriate memes. I'm working on taking the time to learn these little things so I can show love better. 

How are you trying to become a better person?

You Take The Good, You Take The Bad......

You take them both, and there you have the facts of life.  :P  (OK, enough reminiscing about my childhood TV habits.)

Dear You, 

You will have good days. Days that make you happy to be alive. Days that make you thankful that you are the one living your life. Days where you notice how good even the little things are--the way the sun is shining, the way your favorite song makes you feel, the way your heart beats in your chest after a workout. 

You will have bad days. Days where it feels hard to just be alive. Days that you wish you could have been dealt a different hand in life. Days where you notice how bad even the little things are--the way the check engine light only comes on when you're already upset, the way you can't sleep through the night anymore, the way that absolutely nothing is going the way it is supposed to go. 

Life is made up of both of these days. I wish that I could say there was always a balance, but there's not. Some seasons are made up of mostly good days, but some are made up of mostly bad days, with no breaks in between. No matter how many good days you've had, the bad ones still suck. The fact that you've had good days doesn't make the bad days hurt less. But the good news is that when the good days show up, they show up with all their good day magic, no matter how many bad days you've had. 

On the good days: Live them to the fullest. Celebrate every tiny, warm, perfect, delicious detail. Don't waste a single minute of them looking ahead to what might happen in the future or thinking about bad things that have already happened. Just live the good days, in the moment, as they come. Let them remind you how good life can be.

On the bad days: Remember that you'll be okay. If history is any indication, you have a pretty good track record of making it through these. It's okay that the smallest things upset you. It's okay that you feel convinced that the whole world is against you today. If you can find nothing else good, remember that having a bad day means you are still alive, and that's something. Let the bad day just be a bad day, ask for help if you need it, and go to bed with the hope that tomorrow will be a good day. 

You will have good days and bad days. You will make it through both. Both will shape the wonderful, magical person you are. And both are a reminder of the incredible, phenomenal gift: You are alive.