Tuesday, July 17, 2018
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
If I could tell you anything -- I mean anything.....and you would believe me, here's what I'd say.
You are enough. You are so enough. I know that you probably don't think so, and when you look at your life as a whole, the first thing you notice is the places where you don't feel like you are enough. But listen to me, you beautiful creature, you: You are enough. I think that sometimes we feel like we're not enough because we keep forcing things on ourselves that were never meant for us. We try to wear hats we were never meant to wear, try to fill positions we were never meant to fill, try to be things for people that we were never meant to be. But the things that were meant for you? Oh, babe. You are more than enough.
You are loved. More than you know.
You are a force to be reckoned with. You're gifted in such specific ways. When you recognize those areas and use those things, watch out, world.
Sometimes the right choice and the right feelings come at different times. So if you're feeling crappy about that decision you had to make because you know in your gut it was the right thing to do, hold on just a little longer. Emotions are fickle things, and it can take them awhile to catch up.
The small steps you're taking are adding up. So keep up the work. I know it's hard to not see instant results when you feel like you're working hard. It sucks to not see a big paycheck or a toned stomach or a restored relationship right away, but I promise, the work you're doing will get you there. Those small steps are leading you to the right place. Keep taking them. Keep working hard.
Happy Tuesday, friends! I am sending much love your way today.
Saturday, May 26, 2018
at May 26, 2018
Monday, May 7, 2018
at May 07, 2018
Saturday, May 5, 2018
We made it, Buddy! Happy 18th birthday! Do you feel any different than you did yesterday? Maybe you should. Today marks the day that you can legally vote (Please do so deliberately and carefully), purchase cigarettes (Please don't ruin those perfectly healthy lungs. I invested 9 months in their creation!), enter into binding contracts (Beware of unnecessary debt...which pretty much means any and all debt), and fight and die for your country (Let's hope it never comes to that).
Since this is such a momentous occasion, I thought I would write you a very personal letter (and then post it on the internet for the whole world to see). Today is both a wonderful and miserable day for me. I've found myself vacillating between exuberant celebration for having successfully birthed, raised, taught, nurtured, and released out into the world a productive and thoughtful member of society...and getting lost in a bottle of vodka, drunk with sadness because my baby is all grown up.
Some days I miss that tiny baby...and the sweet chubby toddler...and the trusting innocent child that you were. You see time is in ways a mother's worst enemy. It in small stages robs her of her babies. It seems as if one day I reached out to kiss you on the cheek and suddenly had to look up instead of reach down. And in the place of my precious baby boy stood a grown man. It's humbling and beautiful and exciting...even if it is somewhat bittersweet for me.
I know that I often view you through mom-colored glasses, seeing only your best qualities and elements of your nature...the rougher edges made foggy as they are viewed through love. But I do know that you have grown into a thoughtful, respectful, intelligent, and freethinking person. I am proud and humbled to have in small ways helped you on that journey.
The journey hasn't been an easy one. I was really still a kid when you came along, already trying to raise one crazy toddler. I still knew very little about being a parent (although I was sure I had it all figured out. I mean...I hadn't completely screwed your older brother up, yet. How hard could it possibly be?) and we had to grow together. I apologize for my many mistakes and shortcomings. And while there were many times I understood why in some species of animals mothers eat their young, I am mostly grateful we weren't born guppies or hamsters or polar bears. Because had I devoured you in some moment of frazzled motherhood exhaustion and desperation, I would have missed out on so many moments of deep joy and friendship.
Yes...friendship. I count it as my greatest success and reward as a parent to have helped raise someone so wonderfully witty and caring and profound, that I would seek you as a friend even if we didn't share DNA and hormonal bonding. I am as proud to call you my friend as I am to call you my son.
You've stretched my heart in the same way you once stretched my body. Those silvery lines of stretchmarks are lasting signs of how you grew too big for my body to hold. I imagine similar silvery stretchmarks on my heart (metaphorical of course, because....OUCH.)...which also wasn't big enough in the beginning to hold all of my love for you. Sometimes it still feels like it isn't big enough, and that I might just burst open (But then who would have to clean THAT mess up?).
I've been thinking for several months now about all of the wonderful cliched grown-up advice I should give you on this, your first day of legal adulthood. Things like:
- Remember who you are.
- Be confident, but stay humble.
- Don't forget to floss.
- Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself.
- Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
- Be a voice not an echo.
- Please, please, please don't get in an accident if you aren't wearing clean underwear.
- The grass is only greener on the other side because it's fertilized with bullshit.
- You were born an original. Don't die a copy.
And most importantly:
- DON'T GROW UP! IT'S A TRAP!
But I tossed out the list. I've always been the kind of mother who doesn't tell you what to do (unless it's the 10th time I've asked you to take out the trash...or do the dishes...or to absolutely not under any circumstances kill your little brother!). Instead I've let you figure most things out on your own, to make your own decisions and mistakes, to give advice and boundaries in ways that still let you seek your heart's desire. Why should I start telling you what to do now? I know you are going to be just fine, probably much more than fine.
Welcome to the adult world, Buddy. I assure you it isn't quite everything that it's hyped up to be. But it isn't as bad as some people make it out to be, either. In fact, it's pretty much what you make it. I know you'll make it a beautiful one (in much the same way you've made mine beautiful). So your life is no longer in my hands...it's in your own. But remember that no matter where this adventure might lead you...I will always be your mother, and your friend...and your number one fan.
at May 05, 2018
Friday, May 4, 2018
at May 04, 2018
Thursday, May 3, 2018
at May 03, 2018
In the monotony of daily life, chasing after happiness can seem like an endless, really big project. And sometimes, it is. But sometime...
Dear Max; We made it, Buddy! Happy 18th birthday! Do you feel any different than you did yesterday? Maybe you should. Today marks...
HEY, YOU. You are enough. That big dream you have, the one that seems far too big and bold and grand to ever really be ...
You take them both, and there you have the facts of life. :P (OK, enough reminiscing about my childhood TV habits.) Dear You, ...