You know what is no fun? Grocery shopping with 3 kids in tow. You what is less fun then that? Doing the aforementioned activity while sick. You know what might be described as the least fun activity ever? Doing the previous, while sick, and on the first day of your period. Yay!This my friends is a major, and I mean major, undertaking. The whole event takes literally hours.
I have 3 children. I have been doing this parent thing for almost 12 years now. While I have my moments of panic and insecurity, I think that for the most part, I am getting it down to a science. I tell you though, the events described above are enough to shake the confidence of even the most self-assured parent. It goes a little something like this.
25 minutes to dress myself (if you call brushing my teeth and throwing on sweats dressing) and the little one. The older two are on their own (This does not count sock and shoe finding and wrestling time).
5 minutes for potty.
10 minutes to lay down the rules for shopping, repeat them three times, then have everyone ask what the rules were again.
10 minutes to find shoes and socks.
10 minutes to get them on.
5 minutes for potty again.
5 minutes to gather purse and keys
10 minutes to find and put back on the shoes that came off while I was getting my stuff together.
10 minutes to load them up, strap them all in, and get out of the driveway.
ARE WE THERE YET????
I HAVE TO GO POTTY!!!
5 minutes to unstrap and remove everyone.
5 minutes to go to potty.
68 minutes of actual shopping time. This does include the trips back down 3 aisles I already visited, but I forgot stuff because I was trying to keep the boys from fighting and of course, putting the baby's shoes on again.
10 minutes of cries of "can I get ___________??????"
10 minutes to check-out.
15 minutes to load everyone back up in their seats, strap them in and get all the groceries into the car.Yes folks, if you are keeping tabs we are indeed at over 3 hours! And the answer is no, I have not unloaded or put away anything yet!
10 minutes to drive home.
5 minutes to get the darn Wii to work so I can occupy the kids while I am putting stuff away.
And last, but of course not least, 15 minutes to actually put away all of the groceries and rid myself of various bags, boxes, containers, etc.
By this point I need not merely a nap, but I think perhaps a hospital bed. Let's not forget I am pretty sure I have walking pneumonia again at this point.
Some people think it so easy having kids. Of course, they are generally the people that don't have any! You know the ones I mean. The ones who glare at you in the market as you wipe the snot mixed with lollipop stickiness off of your baby (with your sleeve). The ones who offer such wise and totally unsolicited advise to you in the checkout line.
I tell you I can not wait, I mean I relish in the very thought of the day that these people reproduce! I just know that they are going to have multitudes of little misbehaved beast-children running amok! I can't wait.
I promise to offer them all of my excellent, unsolicited, mommy advice when I see them in line at the market.