Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Make Up Tips


Can someone please explain to my why every makeup company in the world is still producing blue eye shadow?  Blue eye shadow has ALWAYS been tacky.  It was never popular.  It was typically only used by prostitutes or Halloween costumes (most of which are prostitute costumes).

I wanted to make a type of flow chart or meme.....but that sounded like a lot of work.  So, instead I decided to go with a simple list of people who can actually pull off this bold look, at any time.

People who can pull off blue eye shadow are as follows:

-Tammy Faye Baker (or really, just anyone named Tammy for that matter)
-Tim Currey in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"
-Betty Boop
- The clown from Stephen King's "It"
-Everyone's grandmother
-Paula Deen
-Barbie dolls
-Dolly Parton
-Mimi from "The Drew Carey Show"
-People who work at or frequent Shoppers Drug Mart
-The cast of "Steel Magnolias"

If you do not find your name on this very short list, then you should NOT be wearing blue eye shadow.  I hope this has helped.


Friday, August 19, 2016

Parents who Teach Their Children to Steal are Douchebags

Yesterday, I  received an email from a friend, telling me that her 6 year old son's scooter had been stolen while they were at the park.  She was very upset, because the park had been very busy.  She had just taken her eyes off the scooter for a second, and it was gone.

She started looking for the culprit, but couldn't see anyone she would peg as the "usual suspect" type. There weren't any middle or high school kids who would have taken it to show off to their friends or just to be jerks.  It was all young kids who were being supervised by (seemingly mature and law abiding) adults.  Little did she know there was a thief with her at the park.

What sort of parent/guardian/authority figure steals something with their child as an accomplice?  Who does this?  Does mom just tell little Mikey that she is "borrowing" the scooter? ("I'll call his mom in  few days and she if she wants it back").  Does she tell him she "paid" the other mom for the scooter? ("There was a garage sale at the park today.  Lucky us!  It was only $5).  Or does she tell the truth?  (Dad says we can't afford a scooter right now.  But that boy brought a scooter and a bike.  He doesn't need both.  Let's take the scooter....hop on and ride it like you own it).  WTH?!?

My friends email went on to say that after the terrible experience at the park, she headed to Walmart. When she got out of her car, she stepped on a dirty diaper that someone had just left on the ground.

WTH is wrong with people?

Why stop there?  Forget the diaper; why not just teach your child to poop in the parking lot next time and avoid the hassle and expense of diapers all together, you douchebag?

I think what horrifies me the most, is my belief that both of these acts were likely committed by women.

There apparently weren't any dads at the park, so it was a women who stole the scooter.  And, how many dads do you know that change diapers in the middle of the day at Walmart?  (I know that's stereotypical of me, but I'm going to have to go with the odds on this one).

I expect asinine, gross, rude, lazy, disgusting behavior like this from men....you know, the gender that can fart on demand and scratch themselves in public.  Let's face it, men have always cornered the market on being war-mongers, polluters, rapists, and pillagers of this world, and now these women are muscling in on their territory.  Wonderful.

All I can say is I hope someone breaks their arm on that stolen scooter.  Nothing like hours in an ER and a first day of school pictures in a cast to put the $50 they saved stealing a little boys scooter in perspective.

Tis The Season For My Favorite Christmas Albums

Martina McBride – White Christmas Let it Snow | Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas | Silver Bells | Hark! The Herald Angels ...