Saturday, October 24, 2009

Mommas Do's and Don'ts of the playground

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I like to do what I can to help parents out in the game of, well...parenting. I have learned that carrying and birthing the children is the easy part and it is all the stuff that comes after that is extremely difficult.

I have also learned from experience that taking children for an afternoon at the local park isn't all flowers and smiles.

Today I will give you Mommas list of Playground Dos and Don'ts. You can thank me later with some chocolate...or....a new pair of shoes. It doesn't take much to make me happy.

Anyways, when preparing to go to the park,
pack a small bag with diapers and wipes because as soon as you step foot on the playground, your little one will release his/her bowels. Guaranteed.

Make sure you pack snacks and drinks also because as soon as you get there they will be hungry. Feel free to pack yourself a bottle of Coke. Just because you will need it.

It is always a good idea to bring sand toys. Tonka toys always made my boys happy....for about 5 minutes. And then they would walk over to the nice little boy playing with his own little tractors and Hot Wheels and swipe them out of his hands.

Bring along your "calm, perfect Mommy face" because you will need it when your children misbehave by stealing other children's toys and hitting them with them. Remember these words. "Taking other kids toys is not allowed. Oh, look at that bird over there". As your child looks, take the toy that he/she stole and give it back. Then keep finding ways to distract your children as you walk away from the nice little boy/girl with the black eye.

You're welcome. I do what I can to help.

Play with your children. They like it when Mommy chases them around acting like the Playground Monster. They like it even more when you catch them and tickle them.

Socialize with other parents. You never know. You may just meet a life long friend...for you and your children.

Never, ever go barefoot at the park. You and your children. Ewwwwww. Gross. Disgusting. Gag. Puke. I have never, ever let my children roam around in a huge kitty litter box barefoot. Ok, maybe I did a few times. But I never did it.

Always wear a bra because people will talk and kids will ask many questions. And the friends you hoped to meet on your outing to the playground will never come over to say hi. Unless they are slimy Dads.

Do not spend your time chatting or texting on your cell phone or reading an interesting novel. Firstly, because you will be interrupted a gazillion times by children wanting you to watch them go down the slide for the thousandth time. Secondly, because you may get caught up in it all and not realize your children have been kidnapped.

Do not discipline other parents children no matter how much you want to spank their bare asses. They are not your children. Parent your own kids.....drink your Mommy juice and go to another area of the park to get away from the "bad ones". Remember to always keep the "calm, perfect Mommy" face even when you want to yell, scream and throw a tantrum.

And last but certainly not least, have fun, because your children will thank you for it years down the road and you will miss the moments. Honest.


Mark and Emily said...

I wish I would have read this at the start of my week with Grace and Liam!! Especially the wipes and extra pull ups! Haha!

SongbirdMama said...

ROFL.....well. You'll know better for next time. Trust me, you'll be a pro before you know it.....especially since you'll be pulling double duty.

Your Mama said...

Hahahaha....brings back a lot of good and not so good memories...wish I could have read this 30 years ago....funny yet soooo true!

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