The Cheers and Jeers of Emmy 2010

OK, so I don't typically do two blog posts in one day, but when the boys first day of school falls on the morning after Emmy's...........well, you see my situation. How do I not comment on the bestest and baddest moments of the year? Simple -- I don't not comment on it (just like you won't comment on that double negative in this sentence.)

So here we go -- the super and the suck-tacular that were the Emmy Awards

*First bit of awesomeness: The opening number. The Emmy's do Glee. This was bust a gut hilarious.......and usually I'm not a fan of the musical opening number for the Emmy's. Yes there have been a couple that didn't completely tank, but this one outshines them all. Getting the Glee cast to sing with Fallon and Fay, and that fame-whore Kate Gosslin was fantastic, and "Born to Run" was an awesome song choice.

*Sucktastic moment: NPH not getting his just rewards. I have nothing against Eric Stonestreet from Modern Family, and he’s very funny, but this was supposed to be Neil Patrick Harris’s year to finally get some recognition for his hilarious portrayal of Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother. I KNOW he won for Best Guest Performance for Glee, and that was great, but he shouldn’t have won that one. THAT award should have gone to Mike O’Malley, who plays Kurt’s dad on Glee, who made his character into a very three-dimentional and beloved man to fans. The whole thing was all backwards.

*Epic Goodness #2: Jane Lynch is the bomb: Jane Lynch, Sue Sylvester on Glee, has been in the biz doing screamingly funny comedy for countless years now, and to see her get the recognition she so richly deserves for her incredible performance on Glee was fantastic. I just thought it was great to see a biz veteran get long-overdue recognition, and the fact that her character is genius on the show didn’t hurt either.

*Gag-inducing moment #2: Julia Ormonds entire presence on the show. For one, the woman obviously did not wash her hair. Two, her speech was terrible. It’s one thing to have no idea you’re going to win, but to spout nonsense and dismiss your winning film Temple Grandin as “A chick flick with bulls’ balls” is super lame, Ms. Ormond. It made it seem like she was putting down the movie, (which swept the made-for-TV movie category, and is a film I am now dying to see) and you should have been more gracious. And WASH YOUR HAIR, for the love of muffins; this is an AWARDS SHOW.

*Cheers: Speaking of Temple Grandin, the real Temple was there with her mother, and every time her name was mentioned, she jumped out of her seat and waved to the audience. Damn right, Temple. It was about time your story was told, and time you had your moment in the sun. I loved it more every time she did it, and loved that her story is a complex story of autism, and much more than a “chick flick with bulls’ balls, MS. ORMOND. You TAKE your moment, Temple. Good on you.

*Jeers: Al Pacino’s um…"speech?" I THINK Al Pacino gave a speech when he won for You Don’t Know Jack but as the open thread opened he seemed either: drunk, stoned, like he was having a stroke, or some other impediment or impairment non-specified. You’re AL PACINO. You’d think he knew how to accept bloody awards by now. It was painful to watch.

*BOOYEAH: Ricky Gervais sends us all to the floor in agonized, uncomfortable laughter, as he is wont to do. Ricky Gervais is a genius, and his talent is making the audience laugh, then groan, then laugh again, then nervously look around to make sure anyone else is laughing, and he did it spectacularly when he made a joke about Mel Gibson’s drinking (easy joke) into a comment about the history of oppression of the people of Jewish faith, and everyone wailed laughing, then groaned audibly, then writhed a bit uncomfortably, and my mouth hung open so long i almost swallowed a bee, and it was genius.

*Just BOO: Claire Danes’ Makeup Artist Must Be Slain. Claire, who won for her portrayal of Temple Grandin, had perhaps the worst makeup job I have seen since Bozo the Clown. Seriously, the shading and eyeshadow made her look so old and weird that I couldn’t look away. Seriously! Bette White looked hotter than her. I was OFFENDED by this makeup job. It was overdone on a lovely woman, it was odd as Hell, and it aged her about 20+ years. Absolutely dreadful. Who DID that to her? Was there a vendetta involved?

*Greatness: JIM PARSONS JIM PARSONS JIM PARSONS WINS. Okay, I’ll try to not write this paragraph in all caps. Jim Parsons is screamingly funny on The Big Bang Theory, and was adorable and humble in his speech, and it was SO deserved, and I fist-pumped like I was at the Arsenio Hall show, and it was fantastic. In a night of first-time winners and surprises, this one was my favorite, and I loved every second of it. Now someone go feed that boy a sandwich, he’s far too thin.

*Ghastly: The long and overplayed “Bucky Gunts” joke. For those who didn’t watch, Bucky Gunts won for the production of the Tony Awards, and heehee, his name is funny, OK, we get it. When Ricky Gervais said it, it was funny, but guys? It’s called letting a joke go. Don’t beat the dead horse, please, you’re entertainment PROFESSIONALS and you should know better.

Okay, I’m going to wrap this up, because I could go on and on about how this was a great show and there were so many surprises and non-surprises (Mad Men and Edie Falco win Emmys? You could knock me down with a feather. Not. But in closing, I thought it was a tight show, a well-produced show, and a damn entertaining show. Well done, Emmys 2010. Now someone tackle Julia Ormond and wash her damn hair.

Back to School

So, Ryker started the first grade today. He’s going to all day school today for the first time. We said goodbye to the preschool years today, and I feel like I said goodbye to all of his childhood. It's like trying to hold water in your hands...it just trickles through your fingers no matter how hard you try to keep it contained. He's trickling...

Randall started grade 5. Next year he'll be in middle school. He's moving out of my "little boy" phase of his life. He's starting to make great strides on his road to growing up. Even Ryker can't help but compliment him lately on what a good big brother he has become lately.

Drew is in his last year before high school. Where the heck have the years gone with this kid? Last time I blinked he was a baby, just learning how to crawl......now he's an 8th grader. It's a bit painful in my heart, but it also makes another part of my heart soar to see the wonderful young man that he is turning into.







So here we go......another year. And, hopefully this will be the best one yet.

Real Housewives??? Seriously???

I caught a little of one of those "Real Housewives Shows" last night.You know the Real Housewives of Atlanta, The Real Housewives of the O.C. Yeah right.

It was like a car wreck!

I could not look away. In what warped world did these women become "Real Housewives"??Without an ounce of exaggeration I will tell you these poor hard done by women had Personal Chefs, Estate Managers, Personal Shoe Shoppers, Party Planners for their daughters 11th birthday party's, make up artists and hair stylists in their homes and a Personal Assistant.
These are not real housewives.

Real housewives cook for their own families....or at least know how to order in.

They manage their own houses...or boss around their hubbies and kids.

They buy their own shoes. Sometimes with a girlfriend, but often alone and in a rush.

Plan the birthday party's for their kids, exhaust ourselves and love it.

Real Housewives do our own make up and wash our own hair. (when we have time)

We get our hands dirty.

We fund raise. We run bake sales and car washes.

We have split ends and chipped nail polish.

We run our car down to the E.

We pay the bills, just in time.

We sneak cookies before dinner and sometimes...... we can't wait for bedtimes.

We know what we signed up for.

We are blessed and love almost every minute of it!

These are the things that make Me a Real Housewife and I just know that here, in the real world, I am not alone.

The Hubster

I like togetherness. I rarely like to be completely alone for any length of time. Sure, a nice hot bubble bath with music and all doors shut is fun for .... oh, about 15 minutes. And then I like to come out with my bright pink legs and greet my boys to settle in for some real fun.

My idea of "alone" always includes Hubby. I'd rather be alone in a room with him doing our own things, than to be by myself doing those things. The rest of the world around me requires my attention, but when I'm alone with Hubster, I can just BE. And I love that about our relationship.

Through different places and positions the Hubs has worked over the past several years, some of them included working nights, early to late, all day, and other various not-so-fun schedules. I don't mind a bit being at home with the kids alone during the day, but there is something about the sun setting that suddenly makes it lonely.

I don't do evenings and nights alone well at all. Especially when the boys go to bed. The doors are locked, the blinds shut tight and the gun comes out. (Well, not really but........I don't mess around.)

Evenings are boring without Hubby. Television isn't exciting, food doesn't taste good .... it's just no fun! Ryker asks a gajillion times "When is daddy coming home?" and with any tiny noise he hears, he turns and looks at the door, hoping to see The Daddy. I have to admit, I do it too sometimes.

He just has that effect on us. Hubs makes everything better. He brightens our evenings, and when he comes home it's as if he brings in rainbows and sunbeams -- or something like that. He is simply a wonderful guy to be with, live with, and walk through life with. Simply put... he's my favorite.

Hang on.....I'm having a moment

Sometimes all I want is just a minute.

Well, that's a lie. I want more than a minute. I'd like 5, 10, 45 minutes, or hey - how about a whole afternoon? A whole day? A weekend? That's probably pushing it...

My life has a tendency to spin a bit out of control at times, just as I'm sure yours does from time to time. Things pile up, the stress continues to mount, and I reach a point where I have a hard time just carrying on as usual.

Sometimes it just gets to be too much, and if I could just have a minute (and by minute I mean at least a couple of hours), I could function oh-so-much better.

Do you ever have those times in your life where you feel like so much is going on that you don't have the ability to just sit? Just be? Just think and ponder and reflect and get back to basics?

That's what kind of time I'm having.

I try to wind down every night by reading a book before bed. It relaxes me, it distracts my mind, makes my eyes tired, and helps me get a restful night's sleep. But even that doesn't give me what I ultimately need, and the majority of the time, I don't make what I need a priority.

I think it has to do with the fact that there are these unspoken expectations that go along with being a wife and a mother and, in general, a woman in today's world. I think we're finally making some progress as it is becoming more acceptable to take care of ourselves, but that is not how it's been for women in our society.

You can talk about women's liberation until you're blue in the face, but the fact is - we are still followed around with these expectations that we are supposed to do certain things and be a certain way.

Cook dinner. Take care of your babies. Listen. Nurture. Behave. Don't be bitchy. Don't be rude. Volunteer. Don't lose your temper. Don't confront. Say yes. Go there. Be there. Do this. Do that.

It's so sad that for many of us, it's like pulling teeth just to say no to something. We're plagued by this guilt, and for those of us that are moms, we all suffer from Mommy Guilt in its many forms.

Guilt...

For not spending enough time with our kids.
For not feeding them organic or fresh food.
For giving them pre-packaged, microwave it in 30 seconds lunches.
For plopping them in front of the TV so we can have some silence.
For wanting to get away.
For using formula instead of breast feeding.
For getting mad at them.
For yelling at them.

We're scared...

Of being judged.
Of not being perfect.
Of not being as good as those other moms who appear have it all together.
That we really can't handle all that comes our way.

But, that's not how it's supposed to be.

We shouldn't plague ourselves with guilt. We shouldn't be scared of failing or of being judged or of falling short of the mark.

We are humans. We are moms. And we are doing the best that we can.

But, if there's one thing we suck at, it's taking care of ourselves. Taking care of ourselves without the guilt......

.....Realizing that just because we want to get away from our kids and our spouses and our homes and our responsibilities - THAT DOES NOT MEAN WE ARE BAD MOMS.

We can't be on our game if we're burning the candle at both ends and constantly on edge about something because we've just had it up to HERE and feel like we're going to crack. We have so much on our plates as women - I don't care if you have kids, work outside the home, are married, are single, whatever. The mere fact that we are women automatically means that we have a tremendous amount of responsibility, stress, and unrealistic expectations.

We all just need a minute. A minute to breathe, to think, to be ALONE and not be bothered.

I've felt the need for my own little minute coming for quite a while now, and the events of the past couple weeks, with my husband being out of work and both of our stress levels being through the roof, have only made that more clear to me.

I have so much on my mind. I feel so overwhelmed. And I am still stressed out about everything that has happened. But, I came home to past due bills, piles of laundry, not a clean pair of underwear in sight, and a kitchen full of dirty dishes. I couldn't just melt down. I had things to tend to.

So, hmmm...have a much-needed cry fest and let everything out, or gee - get our bill payments out in order to avoid late fees and annoying calls at 8:45 p.m. from the idiots at the bank, electric company, credit card holders.......Let's go ahead and just make that payment. The breakdown can wait for another day...

I want to be able to just sit and think. I want some time to myself where I don't feel the need to accomplish chores and run errands and be productive.

And one day, I'm going to have my minute -- I'll a free woman. Maybe I'll get a spa pedicure at a fancy little spa where they have huge cushy chairs that you sink way down into. They'll have big copper bowls with marbles in the bottom, bubbles galore, and rose petals on top of the bubbles where your toes soak and soak and soak. There's scrubbing and massaging and hot paraffin wax dips. And beautimous toes, freshly painted in what I'm guessing will be a deep, sparkly red.

Who knows what will come after that. All I know is there will be no washing of clothes or dishes, no paying of bills, no naptimes (unless I decide I want a nap), no crying, and no stress.

I don't have a plan. And that's how I want it. No strings. No real plans. Just time. Time to chill out, to let things sink in, to cry if I want to, and to get myself back together - back where I feel like I can handle things again and where I feel more at peace.

What would YOU do with a minute

Why yes -- I am SuperMom!

Are there superpowers that were activated the moment you became a mom? I think so.....in fact, I think that you would suprise yourself if you thought about it for just a minute. So here you go -- the amazing superpowers that came to me when I became a mom. How many do you have?

*The ability to deal with disgusting bodily fluids without throwing up. My entire life, I've been a sympathy gagger. If you throw up, I'll throw up. If I smell throw up, I'll throw up. If I see someone throw up, I'll throw up. I clearly remember a day inkindergarten . All of us kids were lined up on the driveway and a kid threw up. The smell made me throw up. Then a bunch of other kids down the line threw up. It was like a barfarama . But the moment I became a mom, I was able to deal with all kinds of disgusting things coming from my child without feeling even slightly nauseous -- even when my son vomited all over my face and shirt. However -- and this is important -- this superpower applies to your own children only. If I see someone else's child throw up, my stomach heaves and the nausea descends. And when my husband caught a stomach bug and was vomiting all over the place, I could not be within 10 feet of him without feeling sick.

*The ability to see signs of genius based on what others might call "very little evidence." I don't know about your child, but my children are geniuses. When Drew was just 2 days old, he was showing the reflexes of a 8-day old! Although the pediatrician persists in saying my son is undergoing "normal development," I know better. What other 4-year-old (Ryker) answers "razzmatazz " in response to the question "What is your favorite color?" (It is so a real color! Just check the 120-color crayon box.) Although he may seem like a normal 4-year-old boy to you, I am his mother and my superpowers allow me to see the genius within. You see a scribble; I see Picasso. You hear acacophonous banging, I hear the next Keith Moon (drummer for The Who). You hear a boring, repetitive story; I hear the next Faulkner. You see a kid throwing a tantrum; I see a future Oscar winner.

*The ability to tell lies without even thinking about it. (Or, if you are morally opposed to lying, call this "the ability to provide plausible explanations at the drop of a hat to suit your own purposes.") I have never been a good liar -- no matter how hard I tried to master it in my young life. But once I became a mom, I found myself able to think up and perpetuate amazingly complex lies quickly and easily. Consider how I deal with the biggest lie of all -- Santa Claus. As my sons have gotten older (and remember, I'm dealing with geniuses here), they're thrown a bunch of questions at me about exactly how the whole Santa things works. "What if you don't have a fireplace? How does he fit everything into the sleigh? How does he watch me all the time and watch all the other kids?I don't understand why I have to donate some of my toys to Goodwill -- why doesn't Santa bring toys to all the poor children who don't have toys?" I've faced all of these questions and been able to come up with a brilliant lie each and every time. (Well, except for the poor children one. That is a doozy. Even my superpowers couldn't come up with a good answer for that one.) And I've become a master at telling little white lies: "We can't stop atMcDonald's ; the sign says they are closed for renovations." "Oh darn...the ice cream place just closed --they close at 3:00 p.m. in the summer." "That toy is only for children who eatbroccoli every night. It says so on the box."

*The ability to fall asleep anytime, anywhere, anyplace. Some may call it "a normal reaction to sleep deprivation," but I call it a superpower. Ever since I became a mom, I've been able to sleep in uncomfortable situations without any advance notice -- even if I just woke up 45 minutes before. I could be at a very noisy party and if there is a lull in the conversation, I'll just drift right off -- even if I'm standing up and have a drink in my hand.

*The ability to love and be more selfless than you ever thought possible. When I became a mother, I found that I was gifted with a capacity for love that blew away any kind of love I had ever felt before. (Apologies to my husband ... I love you, sweetie, but it just isn't on the same level.) In addition, I was suddenly able to put someone's needs ahead of my own without being filled with seething resentment. If I was filled with hunger, I would still take care of my son's needs first. "Mommy's empty stomach be damned. Baby needs a diaper change!" This superpower amazed and surprised me -- and is perhaps the only one that allows me to handle this very difficult and challenging thing called motherhood.

Fun Little Challenge

OK, so a friend of mine told me she read this on a blog somewhere, so I thought I would give it a try. Here's the rules:

Write a 26-line poem using all the letters of the alphabet, where the first line starts with the letter "A," the second "B," the third "C," etc., culminating with the final line starting with "Z."

I sat down and started writing a poem all about raising boys, and fart jokes, and violent play fighting and smelly socks and how I hadn't showered in 2 days, and I was pretty impressed with myself for the line that began with the letter F. The preceding lines had been about dealing with said boys and such, and it was high time for an expletive, so the line went like this: "Frick, frick-a-frack, cock-a-doodly-doo." I was too proud of that not to share it with you. Unfortunately, that little piece of genius didn't make the final cut because my crazy children, fart jokey, non-showery poem sucked.

It just wasn't coming together. So, I deleted what I had, took a step back, and decided that I needed to write something that didn't have to do with being a mom or the "joys" of child-rearing.

So, without further adieu, I present you with my poetic masterpiece...

Alphabet Soup

All things that are chocolate,
Books that are or aren't true.
Candy and
Daisies, but not
Even theFlu.
Girly accessories,
Hair ties and rings.
I'm talking about all of my favorite things.
Jumpin' Jehosephat - that's fun to say!
Karats -- yes diamonds,
Lillies and steak
Marinade.
Norah Jones, but not
Oprah.
Pretty stuff and juice.
Quite frankly I even like Dr. Suess.
Randy from Idol and
Singing, oh Grace..........
Try to hurt me and I'll spray you with mace.
Umbrellas in rainstorms and
V-Dubya bugs.
Weddings, my family, and
Xeptional rugs.
Yard sales, and interior design - some sparkly bling.
Zeze are a few of my favorite things