Bittersweet Canada Day

So, even though I now live in the great state of Texas, my heart still belongs to Canada. Tomorrow is the biggest national holiday Canada has......and I'm not there to celebrate. Part of my wants to jump on the next plane up there so that I can be with family and friends and catch up with my siblings and their kids, and cousins and their kids and mom and grandpa, and the aunts and uncles that I love and miss.

However, on the other hand, I am kind of glad I'm not going to be there. Canada Day has been a bit of a tough spot with me for the last 8 years; ever since grandma died. My grandma, Jeanette, was the epitome of a family matriarch. Mother of 6 kids, plus raising the son of her twin sister, could not have been easy on her. I have less than half that many kids and I go bonkers on a semi daily basis. She had over 35 grandchildren, and every single one of them believes, even to this day, that they were her favorite.

I miss her. I miss her a lot. I miss the sound of her voice; often loud, but always meant with love.....even when calling certain someone's "jackass". I miss the smell of her lotion and perfume. I miss the smell of her house at the holiday times. She always made the best fried chicken, potato salad, hot cross buns, Swedish bread......well anyway, the woman could cook.

She passed away quickly and quietly, no fanfare, no disease or injury, not even a goodbye. I think that's what made it so hard. The day before her death, she talked to my son on the phone, but I was wrapped up in something else and didnt' get the chance to myself. Luckily, I can say that there was nothing left unsaid between her and I. She knew exactly how I thought and felt about her, and I knew how much she loved me. In that, I take a great comfort.