Friday, May 23, 2008

So am I just the worlds worst mother, or what?

Oh my gosh.....why are children so trying sometimes? My 8 year old has been testing my patience to it's breaking point lately. He is just an angry, defiant little boy and I really don't understand why. He is pouty and disrespectful in school, he's mean to his brother, he laughs in the face of authority. I honestly don't know how to deal with him. I get seriously fed up to the point that I don't know how to deal, and then I feel guilty for feeling that way. What kind of mother wants to walk away from her child and never look back?

I just wish I knew how to reach him. He won't talk or open up about his feelings. He draws violent pictures, he throws things, and hits his little brother daily. He also has toilet regression issues which I don't understand either. (Medically they can't find a reason for it) Today he tried to run away. He and his brother walk to school as it is literally a block from our house. Well, as they are getting ready to cross the street to the school, Randall decides that he's not going to school and tries to keep walking down the road (to who knows where, but he was going). Andrew grabbed him by the arm and tried to pull him across the road to school. So there they are having a screaming tug of war IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. The school principal had to go break it up and bring him into the school. What must she think of me as a mother?

I know that God gave me this child for a reason, but right now I feel like I'm incapable of being a good parent. I don't have the patience for him, I don't know how to understand him, how to let him know that it's okay to tell me his feelings instead of being angry and destructive. Please don't get me wrong, I love my son.....immeasurably. I really just wish I knew what to do.

1 comment:

Maren said...

You're definitely not the first mom to feel that way or to have those kinds of struggles. Keep moving forward. (Can you tell I've watched Meet the Robinsons in the last couple days?) I've been thinking about that phrase for a few days. I wish I had some great piece of advice, but who am I to have a clue?, and that's the best I can come up with. That's all anyone can really do. Keep loving and keep moving (and keep praying helps!). The effort will pay off.
Gooooooo, Songbirdmama! (I'm by no means a cheerleader, but it's nice to have someone cheer you on once in a while, right?)

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