Remember that Saturday Night Live Commercial????

You know, the one about "Mom Jeans"?

Sometimes I think one of the hardest things about being a mom is resisting the siren call of stereotypical mom clothes. And by stereotypical mom clothes, I mean clothing that doesn't take too much effort, clothing that celebrates comfort over style and function over form, and clothing that, if I am truly honest with myself, I would not have been caught dead wearing prior to giving birth.

I'm not trying to be a smart-ass: it really is hard.

We moms are tired and rushed a lot of the time. Time and money are tight, but our bodies? Not so much (not mine anyway). And I think that drinking in the silky skin and shiny hair of our children - our beautiful children - goes a long way towards satisfying our inherent need to feel the presence of beauty in our lives.

And that's not necessarily a good thing.

Ease and practicality might not sound like the worst things in the world but the problem is, if you continually let them start to dictate your wardrobe choices, your fashion confidence starts to erode.

Once you start to become unsure about your ability to pull off fun and stylish clothing, you become less and less apt to wear it and enjoy the boost of confidence it provides. It becomes a vicious cycle and before you know it you're telling yourself that you don't care about what you wear or looking good anymore anyway: you're a mom now.

I don't pretend to be the most fashionable person in the world, but I have established a mental list of clothing items that I consider to be beyond the pale. If ever I find myself softening my strict no-go stance on these items, it indicates to me that a strong dose of retail therapy is in order.

In keeping with my firm belief that we moms have to stick together, I'd like to share my list with you:

1. Crocs. Straight up: they are evil and hideous and have no place on the feet of anyone between the ages of 12 and 65. I don't care if they're comfortable and easy to clean and practical: so are flip flops. I will never, ever wear Crocs and you shouldn't either. Seriously, trust me on this one.

2. Clothing with your children's picture on it. I know it's easy to get wrapped up in how gorgeous our kids are but don't, just don't. If you must broadcast their beauty, give fashion a fighting chance and opt for the World's Greatest Mom mug as opposed to the sweat shirt.

3. And speaking of sweat shirts...I'm not big on 'em at all. Ditto for sweat pants. With the exception of the cute yoga pants that have been all the rage the last few years, I don't think any clothes designed for wear in the gym should be worn outside the gym. Sweat suits might spell comfort for some people but to me they just say, "I've given up."

4. Your husband's clothes. I'm sure some young ingenues can roll out of their sexy beds and into their sexy boyfriend's clothing and look all sexy as hell, but chances are you can't. Once you're past a certain age, rumpled and baggy isn't a fashion statement it's just dumpy. Remember those photos of Katie Holmes wearing Tom's jeans? She's like 5'10 and 100 pounds and she looked like she was wearing a potato sack. If Katie can't pull it off, neither can you.

5. Pants with pleats in the front. They are dorky. You know this: I know you know this. But one day when you're feeling self-conscious about your tummy, you're going to find a pair of pleated pants which are a nice color and reasonably priced and butt flattering and you're gonna to think: I should just get these - they aren't so bad. But they are. Pleated pants are the banana peel on the slippery slope towards full-on mom jeans: do not allow them to throw you off balance.

That's my list. How about yours? Which clothes do you consider strictly in the mom zone?

Making no Sense at all

I am out of sorts.

So much so, in fact, that I have been unable to write. I have no coherent thoughts. Lately, my brain has been a jumble of mashed randomness. Or, completely blank.

This emptiness can sometimes be a welcome reprieve for me, but it's been going on too long. So I thought I would write about just that: my out-of-sorts-ness.

It seems this may not have been such a good idea, however, because it has taken me 11 minutes just to write this little bit. And that's not even counting the several minutes during which the cursor blinked on my screen, urgently, expectantly, right after I wrote that first sentence:

I am out of sorts.

And then, I had nothing.

Hubby once told me: "Your highs are really high, and your lows are really low."

It's true.I don't really do "medium."

This is both a blessing and a curse, 'cause when I'm happy...woo-hoo! But when I'm not, well...it's not good.

I struggle with this, because I'm never really sure what's "normal."

Is it "normal" to have as many mood swings as I do?

Is it "normal" to be giddy one minute and overwhelmed the next?

Is it "normal" to feel lost for no reason at all?

Am I normal?

There are days when I think it's just physical: I need to get back in the gym. I need to take my vitamins. I need to eat right. I need to be on a routine.

Then there are days I think it's more than that: Maybe I'm just an overly sensitive person. I over-think everything. I get wrapped up inside my own head. I dream. I plan. I stress. I worry.

It's normal to be in a "funk", no?

I am intense, and usually, I have little tolerance for those who walk around unmoved, blase.

But sometimes I am jealous of those people.

It must be so much easier...walking around with quiet simplicity in their heads. They must not struggle, as I so often do, with the everythings and nothings of Life. Do they ever feel indefinably out of sorts?

I have a Jack Kerouac quote in a drawer on my bedside table:"...the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop..."

I am sure I am mad, and certainly desirous of everything at the same time. I'd rather have a mad, loud existence than a quiet, simple one.

But sometimes I think perhaps sanity and nonchalance are a much easier way to live.

Idol Chatter: The Top 12 Girls

OK, I seem to be experiencing some confusion with the results show tomorrow. Are they voting out 2 of each guy and girl or are they eliminating it to the top 10 already. Hmm....guess we'll find out tomorrow. As for the girls tonight.....

*Tatynisa: "Only Girl in the World" -- I hated this number right from the third note. She was flat through the whole song. I thought I was watching American Idol, not the Gong Show. It wasn't even okay as Randy put it. It was downright horrid from start to finish.

*Naima: "Summertime" -- Okay, so this one wasn't horrible, but it wasn't my favorite. She was just ok for me, but nothing special....well, until that last note which was dynamite. But it was too old school, cruise ship lounge singer. Meh!

*Kendra: "Impossible" -- I really liked it. I thought it was soulful and seductive. She nailed every note. Really well done.

*Rachel: "Criminal" -- The music overpowered her. I could hardly understand a word she said. Her vocals were all over the place, and her performance was even too campy for Broadway. It was horrible. I hated the whole thing.

*Karen: "Hero" -- Her voice had a bit too much vibrato for my liking. I don't think the Spanglish thing is going to work for her either, regardless of what JLo said. I don't think it was a smart move this early in the competition.

*Lauren T: "Seven Day Fool" -- It didn't blow me away but it was definately the best of the night so far. This girl definately has potential to go far. She's got some mad skills.

*Ashthon: "All over Me" -- ZZZzzzzz..........oh sorry. I was sleeping. I had a dream that Whitney Houston had a love child with Chaka Khan. What?? That was Ashthon's performance song? Oh, my bad. That was the most boring thing I've listened too all day.....and I had CSpan on earlier people.

*Julie: "Breakaway" -- This girl is nowhere near powerful enough to pull off Kelly Clarkson. It was awful. Breathing - sucked, arrangement - sucked, vocals - sucked, blowing your big American Idol break......priceless.

*Haley: "Fallin" -- Is it just me or does she look a bit like Miley Cyrus? Anyway, I don't really like her and I hated her wannabe sexy stripper dance moves.....but she definately sang the crap out of that song. Holy powerhouse!!

*Thia: "Out Here on my Own" -- For the most part, I really liked it. She was flat on a couple of notes, but other than that, she was pretty remarkable. Really well done.

*Lauren A: "You can Hear me on the Radio" -- Another great performance. I really like this chick. She's kind of a Kelly Clarkson / Carrie Underwood hybrid. I really enjoyed this. Oh my gosh....Randy just said what I said about the Kelly/Carrie thing. I'm a genius!!

*Pia: "I'll stand by You" -- I thought it was really nice. Sweet, tender vocals, and a powerhouse, blowout ending. Awesome. She was fantastic.

OK.....so if they are only sending two of each home tomorrow, I'm going to stick with Jordan and Tim for the guys, and I think Rachel and Tatynisa for the girls.

If they are only putting 5 through from each group I think the guys will be James, Scotty, Paul, Jacob and Casey. And the top 5 girls will be Pia, Lauren A, Thia, Haley and Lauren T.

Idol Chatter: The Top 12 Guys

This post could also be titled "The Idol Gods are Smiling on Me". Because when I woke up this morning, I didn't have telephone or internet. It just wasn't working, and the cable company couldn't tell me why. It was out all day no matter what I tried to do.

Then, as if by a miracle, just as Idol was set to start, my TV booted up, and the show came on. It was amazing.

So, thanks to the Idol TV Gods out there, I can bring you tonights rundown.....

*Clint: "Superstitious" -- What an amazing start to the show. He has some seriously amazing vocals. I loved the entire performance. Great job.

*Jovaney: "I'll Be" -- He seemed to have a bit of trouble holding his notes, like his breathing was labored. But his big sustained note was amazing. I wasn't blown away, but it was okay. I agree with what Randy said, it was sort of mediocre karaoke.

*Jordan: "Pow Pow Pow"??? (Don't know the song title) -- He started off way too low. The whole song was really weird and gimicky. He was slow than fast, low than weird falsetto. I thought it sucked. Usher should slap him in the face.

*Tim: "Come on Over" -- First let me say that I hate the whole fading sideburns look.....The music overpowered him and he didn't belt it on his power note. He picked the wrong song, without a doubt. It didn't have that mellow songwriter vibe that I like about him.

*Brett: "Light my Fire" -- It was too low in the beginning. His voice is a little too "vanilla" for a song like this. He needed more grit. But I like him and given the right song I think he could be great. (His mannerisms remind me of Michael Jackson)

*James: "You got Another Thing Comin'' -- This guy is a rock star. I love his voice, love his attitude. He was fan-freakin-tastic. He's already golden. Love him. He's crazy good.....wait, was that a tail??? What the French?? Oh well; still love him.

*Robbie: "Angel" -- This song holds special meaning for me. So I was really wanting to like it.....but I didn't. The timing of the arrangement was weird. I hated his falsetto. It was not beautiful. It was bizarre. And again I agree with Randy. What's up with that??

*Scotty: "Letters from Home" -- I'm not much for country music, but I live this guys voice. It's like hillbilly butter. Damn. Great song choice.

*Stefano: "The way you Are" -- I love this song, and there is something funky about this guys voice that I like. Song and voice weren't a perfect fit, but I still liked it.

*Paul: "Maggie Mae" -- This guy is my favorite. He's just so funky and I love his vibe. And he sang a song that always makes me smile, 'cuz it reminds me of my momma. So really, what's not to love. Great job.

*Jacob: "A House is not a Home" -- I love his voice and could literally listen to him for hours. I'm not sure if sticking to this style of music will bode well with him on Idol, but I adore him. And AMEN to everything Steven Tyler said.

*Casey: "I Put a Spell on You" -- Another favorite. I adore this guy, and I'm loving the old school vibe from the guys tonight. This dude is just crazy, mad talented and I love him.

So there's my thoughts on the first BIG show of the season. I have a feeling that Jordan and Tim are the two that will be booted off on Thursday. So, let me know what YOU think?