Romance is Overrated

I was reading some posts over on the mommies board that I belong to, and I came across a young mom who was asking advice about leaving her husband. She said that her marriage is not what she thought it would be and that she wants to have a chance to find someone else, someone who is more attentive to her and is more romantic.

I paused, seriously considering if I should reply. I considered: I don't actually know this girl and being "more attentive to me" might be code for "stop sleeping around with every woman that he meets at the bar" or "admit he's gay." "More romantic" could possibly mean "stop beating the crap out of me and the kids" or "stop spending all our grocery money on booze." Besides, she was asking about how to leave him, not if she should.

So, I clicked on out of there before I opened by big ol' mouth and inserted one or both of my feet. But, now that I'm safely back on my blog, where I say what I think, I'm here to tell you: romance is overrated. We don't live in a chick flick where there are grand sweeping gestures of romance on a continuous basis. This isn't some Nicholas Sparks novel where everyone weeps at the beauty of the love between a couple.

It's life.

Before you go get all huffy and tell me all about the romance in your life, let me clarify a bit. I DO love my Hubs. He loves me. And we do romantic things for each other. They have just changed as our family has grown.

He did used to do big sweepingly romantic things for me. Most of the time I laughed at him and told him he was a big cheeseball, though I did appreciate them. But, flowers, gifts, spontaneous trips, love letters, and other such romantic gestures have been replaced by more practical things.

It's romantic to me that Hubs chooses to come home every night to a house full of children under the spell of the witching hour and a wife who is exhausted. Because no one is making him. That he works his ass off to provide for us is romantic as hell to me. I'll even take that he doesn't always fluff the comforter after he farts, as romance.

It might sound boring. And he does still occasionally throw in a big romantic gesture every now and then. But, the real romance to me is knowing that I have a husband who will always be there for me and the kids. Who loves us through our worst days and moods. Who is a true friend to me. Whom I don't worry that he'll ever leave us- we're in this for the long haul.

Really, anyone can be romantic in the beginning of a relationship. It's time that is the test for how a relationship really is. I believe that love is a decision and that we'd never stay with anyone if we left every time the romance seemed to fade.

Romantic comedies and novels...well, they can bite me. I have my own version of happily-ever-after here.

The Soundtrack of my Life

So, we survived the Canada Day chaos no worse for wear, other than a few mosquito bites and a couple of painful sunburns. But it was so much fun having all that family around. There is nothing better than a lot of fun, family and food for three days straight.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

If your life were a movie, what songs would be on the soundtrack?

This is a hard question for me...because I can't narrow it down. I've always thought of my life in terms of having a soundtrack. And there are many songs that, the instant that I hear them, I can clearly recall a memory associated with them. For example: "Might as well be walking on the sun"...instantly back in college, at a bar with my roomie slamming her fists down on the table and screaming out that line...and the crazy night that followed. And no, you're not getting that story out of me.

I thought about being sappy, with "There Goes My Life" by Kenny Chesney or "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins or "The Dance" by Garth Brooks.

And then I thought about being funny like "Much Too Young to Feel This Damn Old" by Garth Brooks or try to convince you that "Dancin' For the Groceries" by Kenny Chesney was my life.

But, instead, I decided to go by stages of my life. And, I'm sorry if you don't like my taste in music, but it's my blog so.......

Stage 1: Young woman eager to get out into the big world and make something of herself, striking out on her own to "find herself." I actually sang this song in the car a la Jerry Maguire singing Free Falling as I was moving far, far away from everyone I knew.

Song and Artist: Wide Open Spaces by The Dixie Chicks

Most telling lyric: To find a dream and a life of their own, a place in the clouds, a foundation of stone...She needs wide open spaces, room to make the big mistakes...

Stage 2: Angry young woman, tired of being stereotyped by the people around her, who weren't actually taking the time to see who she really is

Song and Artist: Welcome to my Life by Simple Plan

Most telling lyric: Do you wanna be somebody else?Are you sick of feeling so left out?Are you desperate to find something more?Before your life is over

Stage 3: Woman happily in love with her husband. We never had a wedding song, but I think this may have possibly been the one I would have chosen......if it had actually been made before 1997.

Song and Artist: Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Callait

Most telling lyric: I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend, lucky to have been where I have been.....I'm lucky we're in love every way.....

Stage 4: Mommy madly in love with her little boys and wanting the best for them...a stage that, like stage 3, keeps on going

Song and Artist: My Wish by Rascal Flatts

Most telling lyric: My wish for you is that your life becomes all that you want it to

Stage 5: Woman realizing that, to hell with what other people think, I am who I am, I want what I want, and if you don't like it, well....

Song and Artist: Settlin' by Sugarland

Most telling lyric: I ain't settlin' for just getting by, I've had enough so-so for the rest of my life....I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything

I hope some of you decide to try this little exercise out, because I would love to see what some of you come up with.

A Few More Truths

~It never hurts to dream.
~Men may have selective hearing......but women have selective listening!
~You can't possibly appreciate your Mother until you become a Mommy.
~Never date a man who wears more make-up then you.
~You have to prepare your child for the path, not the path for the child.
~You can re-heat your morning tea three times before it is deemed undrinkable.
~Life is better if lived with intention.
~Puke never really comes out of shag carpeting. UGH!
~Broken hearts can heal.
~There will never be enough hours in the day. Accept it.
~True girlfriends are a gift.
~Once you have had 3 babies, you will never look at a trampoline the same way again!
~You have to love yourself before you can really love someone else.
~Sometimes nothing makes you feel better then a sexy new pair of shoes! They always fit.
~We are our own worst enemies.
~A newborns smile will melt your heart.
~Worry gets you nowhere. So why the hell do we do it??
~Trust. We all need someone we trust.
~Being a Mommy is the hardest.....and the best job in the world.
~If you are at a crossroads, choose with no regret. There is no other way.

Truths

~ I love my children above all else, they are my joy.
~ I dream of seeing Ireland, Greece, London, Italy and Tokyo.
~ I love to write
~ I love the way the world looks through the lens of a camera.
~ I am a crier.
~ I have a good heart and a generous spirit.
~ I have not reached my fullest potential...I still have dreams unfulfilled.
~ I'm learning to stand up for myself
~ I think women, and now know young girls, are often cruel to each other.
~ I have had my heart broken.
~ I like cinnemon toast and tea for breakfast.
~ I am slow to trust and do not easily let people into my life.
~ I am blessed to have a few good friends.
~ No one really knows me.
~ I love reading good books in abubble bath.
~ I am striving to cherish the moment.

Where are you going, my little one?

Have you ever heard that song? It has been in my head all day today......because my youngest child "graduated" from kindergarten today! (just substitute the word "girl" for "boy") *tear*



My "baby" is growing up. In the past week he's lost his first tooth, used enormous words that weren't in my vocabulary until Jr. High....and he knew what they meant. And now, he's officially going into a "number grade". Time really needs to slow down.



It's funny though....when you are in a situation with a number of other parents, the parents of your childs peers. Why is it that parents feel the need to constantly compare children? There are an awful lot of women playing what I like to call the comparison game. I refuse to play this game! When they were babies it was ridiculous things like:



"oh my little one has ALREADY cut her first tooth."



"My darling can already sleep through the night..you mean yours isn't."



"My sweetie takes baby ballet." Yeah OK. (The kid can't even walk yet so who is doing the dancing anyway!)



As they get older the comparison mommies keep the game alive, they just change the competitions.



No I will not sit down and compare my child's report card with you.



Yes I got your oh so subtle hint that your darling daughter got a 95 on that latest test...and no I do not feel the need to reveal my sons grade.



Yes, your son's project is amazing (but there is no way in hell he drilled all those pieces together himself who do you think your kidding).



Your child got a part in the school play..congratulations. (so did every child in the school)



So what is this need to have the superior child? To compete and win some invisible prize? Is it pride of ones offspring? Is this a new form of passive aggressive bragging? What does this teach the children who hear these conversations? Are the children of these very competitive mommies the ones who end up forming the ultra cool cliques in high school with the strictest rules of entry?



Maybe that's why I don't quite understand. I was never in those cliques. I never quite found my group. I had many friends but not a tight great big group of dress alike. think alike zombie friends that many seemed to thrive and survive with in high school. Maybe I missed out on something? Maybe I should be helping my child compete? Maybe I should get in the game.



Then again.......maybe not. There's no need for competition when you KNOW your child is perfect -- just the way he is.

Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

That's Twilight Zone music.

Yes it is.

Ok. I've got a problem. It's a small problem. Sort of like a pimple. But not really like a pimple because I can slap 50 layers of makeup on a pimple and voila it's not a problem anymore.

It's more like a boil. You can't cover up a boil. -- No, I don't have a boil. My problem is this:

See, one day, the arm on my office chair just popped off. I felt all powerful and destructive, like a female wrestler hopped up on endorphins and Twizzlers. But it was irreparable. So I went to my local Staples and bought me a fancy new chair.

It took me ages to put it together. But once done, it was a masterpiece of office equipment. My booty was nice and comfy. I made sure I didn't use my super strength on the arms. And try to roll gently.

But.(Ironic, the word "but".)

But, at some point, either my butt has gotten larger and heavier or something in the chair is malfunctioning. Because as I sit typing this, my chin is right above the desk and my arms are practically over my head to reach the keyboard. I've fiddled and adjusted and yelled at and coaxed and pleaded and bribed and nothing I do keeps my chair from sinking about 8 inches. But see, it's tricky, this thing. It's not like, dropping down suddenly like a ride at Disney.

Nay, it's slowly sinking. Just slow enough to make me forget I'm going to be 6 inches shorter in an hour. Just slow enough to make me wonder if that Mini Snickers bar was laced with brick dust and if I should have used the recumbant bicycle this morning instead of hanging my wet towel on it. Just slow enough to make me wonder if my arms being slowly pulled out of their sockets by my lengthening reaches and if I'll resemble a caveman by Friday.

Just slow enough to write this.

This gives whole new meaning to low riding.

Dads

Happy Father's Day!!! To all of the fathers, papas, dads, daddies and misters....if it weren't for you? We'd have a LOT less housework.....er, I mean a LOT more grumpy days.

You are the momma's right hand man. Our wingman...our partners in crime. If nothing else, it's easier to say, "Daddy said no," than have to come up with a reason. It's also a good threat for the kiddies, "You just wait until your daddy gets home...." insert ominous music here. Mwa-ha-haha!!

OK, enough about that. Let's talk about my dad. My dad's pretty awesome. He can do just about anything. He can teach you to whistle, tie your shoes or ride a bike, show you how to make a yard look awesome, cook, clean.....well, you get the picture.

When I was little I was pretty sure that he got up before the rest of us, just to wake the sun up so it would be light out when we got up. As I've gotten older I realize that he didn't wake that sun up. But without him, the sun would be less bright.

So, with this post I just want to thank my dad. Because, Heaven knows he didn't have to be my dad. I love him and appreciate him probably more than he knows.