Rolling Around My Brain Today

Sometimes when I see parents with little girls I feel a twinge of envy. I wonder what it would be like. I project dreams and expectations for my own life's do-over onto a little girl with messy hair and striped tights and a dirty dress.

But then I see a mother five years my senior laughing over lunch in a hospital cafeteria with her teenage boys and my heart swells, threatening to burst at the seams, spilling flashes of my future out onto my lap.

Gratitude

Too often it takes trauma and tragedy to force us to look at our lives with fresh eyes. To re-prioritize. To let go of the little things and to show our love and gratitude daily. I wish we could just remember to do those things on our own, but we easily get swept away by the daily and weekly issues that loom larger than life in our short-sighted vision.

We seize on the differences in opinions or philosophies or beliefs and we inflate them to a size disproportionate to their importance. We get hung up on the unmarked bumps and detours in our days.

But there is SO.MUCH. to be thankful for. So much to appreciate, to marvel at, to sing praise for.
And I don't want it to take grief and sadness to remind me of just how lucky and blessed I am.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Over the last couple of years, too many of my most-loved people have been drop-kicked by pain and suffering. Illness, betrayal, and loss hung like a heavy fog over life for a while.

And now I am deciding to make a few promises to myself.

I will let go of the little things that don't really matter. Seriously, life is too short to stress about things not going according to plan.

I will not invite drama into my life nor will I let it stay when it crashes in uninvited. I'm so over it.

I will show my love and express gratitude to the people in my life. Why do we wait until people get sick or die before we talk about how great they are and how much we love them? Why do we keep to ourselves the qualities we admire in our friends and family, assuming they already know? Tell them now! If we don't, they may never know how we feel.

At the end of each day, no matter how stressful and tiring, I will go to my kids in gratitude. This last one may seem out of the blue, but it's a big one. There are days where I am ready to clock out but they keep on needing me to give. It is easy for me to stew in a toxic brew of resentment when I just want a chance to unwind but I am summoned back again and again. In the scheme of it, they are only little for a very short time.

So I have made it a priority that I will not get frustrated when my children need one more hug or snuggle or song or kiss at bedtime. When my boys wake for the third time before midnight or they sneak out of bed for the eightieth time or just want someone to snuggle them for just a few more minutes, I take a deep breath and I go to them and hold them and love them and cherish every moment of that closeness. I stare at their eyelashes resting on their cheeks and I smell their sweaty little heads and I rub their backs or arms and I remind myself that this time with them is so very short and sweet. And I am so, so lucky to have them.

I find that patience comes easier when I approach life with gratitude.

And I am so, so grateful for what I have today.

Wanted Poster

Wanted Dead or Alive

MY FREE TIME

Aliases: Me time, leisure time, naptime, shower time, curled-up-with-a-book-time, down time, shopping time, occasional-spa-time, wasting time, killing time, vegging time

Last seen: Heading south of the border with partner in crime, “My Spare Cash”

Reward: Am short on cash (see above), but am willing to clean, vacuum or fold laundry for whomever apprehends suspect. After all, if caught I will have the time.

Wanted for: Cruel abandonment and petty theft (see above)

Description: Has that "just back from the islands" pre-kids glow, drink in hand, looking for the next party

Watch out ladies everywhere! You could be next. Crime usually occurs shortly after storky visit.

Not armed, not dangerous…but certainly wanted….NOW!

Random Wednesday......Just Because

OK, you can all stop sending me emails and calling my house asking if everything is OK.

You can stop the mushy notes telling me how much you miss me and how badly you want me to blog again.

I'm here.

I'm still alive.

I'm just a little busy with three brats at home for the summer who require so much of my time and energy.

Is it September yet?

A stranger grabbed me by the elbow and pulled me close.

"I just have to share this with someone," she said.

She broke me from my zombie-like march down the apple aisle at my local Safeway. I went to the market for fruit and vegetables because I'm really starting to like the new "skinnier" me, and I've been trying really hard to win in my eternal struggle with junk food.

The stranger at the market pulled me towards her.

"Look," she pointed. "I think they meant crop."

The sign above the Rome apples said,

"Delicious New Crap!"

I bought a five pound bag.

Winning the Lottery

Tonight I put Ryker to sleep.

We were right at the end of the routine where the light is already off, I give him a kiss and leave the room. He took my face in his hands and said, "Mommy, you're my favorite...um..."

"I'm your favorite Mommy?"

"Ummm..."

He was searching for the right words.

"Your my... your my whole world."

Winning the lottery ain't got NOTHIN' on that.

What's your Sign??

I was reading my cousin, Meagan's blog, and she was talking a bit about horoscopes, and astrological signs. And while I don't put a lot of stock in the whole astrology thing, I have to admit, that I do fit the qualities of a Libra to a tee.

Libra natives are generally thought to be sociable, somewhat intellectual souls. They have an almost innocent way about them that makes them very approachable. Generally quite eager to cooperate, Librans spend a lot of their time trying not to rock the boat. (True enough, I do tend to be a bit passive aggressive)

In theory, Libras are peace-loving. In practice, they can quietly stir up all sorts of trouble with their ways. Because Libra enjoys balance in their lives, they seek the middle ground. In the process, they may end up trying to be everything to everyone. This is where their reputation for untruthfulness comes from. Generally, their untruths spring from a true desire for peace and fairness--although they may not be comfortable with direct and malicious trickery, they feel totally justified when they lie in order to avoid making waves. Peace at any price! In this sense, they seem harmless. But, what can result is quite a ruckus! People involved with Libras may crib about their lack of directness and their apparent inability to take a stand. Librans are experts at avoiding being the one to blame. When confronted, they'll (calmly and reasonably) say, "What, me? No, I just want peace." (So, while I don't think I'm necessarily a "liar", I did have a reputation in my younger life as a person who would "cloud the truth" in order to avoid confrontation)

Some more powerful signs may consider Libra a little on the weak side. This is all a matter of opinion, however! Without Libra, life simply wouldn't be as fair. Society needs rules, and these rules attempt to bring justice, equality, and fairness. On an individual level, Libra represents these laws of civilization. Libra comes across as very civilized and rather refined.

Because this drive for harmony, peace, and sharing is so powerful, Librans are apt to do a lot of conceding. (True) They are sympathetic and concerned for others, enjoy socializing, and revel in a good debate. Mental rapport with others is especially important to them.

Librans are sensitive to the needs of others and have the gift, sometimes to an almost psychic extent, of understanding the emotional needs of their companions and meeting them with their own innate optimism - they are the kind of people of whom it is said, "They always make you feel better for having been with them." (Well, I'd like to think so)

Libras are very intelligent, they often hide this inside their easygoing exterior. They express their intelligence through creativity, most are involved in some sort of artistic or creative pursuit. Many people overlook just how intelligent a Libra actually is. (I am so SMRT)When others see a Libras wide range of interests and hobbies, their intelligence and creativity is more then obvious.

Libras love excitement, new situations, adventure and the unusual. They make friends with people from all walks of life and they are always up to something new and exciting with enthusiasm. Libras are great at getting along with people, everyone likes a Libra. They are all about partnerships and groups, they are the glue that hold a group together because they are the ones responsible for keeping harmony and peace. Libras have mastered the art of relationships, not just romantic but business, personal, and family relationships just to name a few. No one is able to see another person's point of view better then a Libra.

So, do YOU live up to your sign?