I Offer No Apologies For Being a Mediocre Mom

I have my moments. My "I'm a kickass Mom" moments. I cater to my kids' every whim on their birthdays and the first day of school. I go to school parties and sometimes I even volunteer to bring stuff! I do my best to make sure Christmas is a balance of Christian celebration, childhood magic, and wonder. I try like hell not to fall asleep and forget about the ding dang tooth fairy. We go on memorable family vacations, which I document with eleventy thousand pictures.

But day to day, my approach to parenting is somewhat of a "less is more" approach. Some call it mediocrity. Whatever. I offer no apologies for it.

I will not apologize for not entertaining my children every waking minute of the day. It's called imagination. They should learn to use it on occasion.

I will not apologize for NOT taking my children to the amusement park or the zoo or the movie arcade extravaganza every time they have a day off school. We'll do these things sometimes, and they'll be a lot of fun and exciting and special when we do. But sometimes a day off is good for just that...a day OFF.

I will not apologize for occasionally "ignoring" my children while I use the computer or text on my phone. Because most of the time I will give them my undivided attention. It's better they learn that, while they are the center of MY universe, that won't be the case when they enter the great big world of "a whole bunch of other people with agendas all their own who aren't going to heed your beck and call". 

I will not apologize for expecting my children to behave like respectful human beings at home, in school, and in public. When they choose to do otherwise, there will be consequences. I will not rush to their side and blame ill behaviors on peers, teachers, or society in general. They need to learn about taking responsibility and holding oneself accountable. 

I will not apologize for not making a big production out of things my children should be doing anyway. They will be expected to turn in school assignments when they are due as well as make every effort to maintain decent grades. I will encourage them and offer every resource available to support them throughout their education. Their reward for doing these things will be a diploma. I will beam with pride at their accomplishment. When they get a job, the reward for doing said job will be a paycheck. Neither college professors nor future employers will throw a parade in their honor for simply doing what is expected. There is no sense in setting that precedent now.

I will not apologize for making my children do their own school projects. I'll willingly help where help is needed, but I've "been there and done that". And I did it by myself. There was a sense of pride when I turned in projects that were truly mine, and I want them to feel that pride, too. I've done my time at the science fair thankyouverymuch.

I will not apologize for making my children learn to "earn their keep" on occasion. A good work ethic is not going to appear out of thin air.  

I will not apologize for sometimes saying "no" to things even if we can afford them. Because that's a word they need to learn to hear on occasion. And because a lot of the time I'll say "yes". 

I will not apologize for not escorting my children back to their bed when they creep into mine in the middle of the night. I honestly don't believe that I'll look back on these days and say, "I sure do regret all those mornings I woke up to my babies' sweet sleeping faces." This phase will pass. All too soon, it will pass. (Admittedly Ryker just turned 11, but he will sometimes still sneak into my bed or fall asleep with me while watching TV.)

But most of all, I will not apologize for loving my children enough to do all of the above. While it may not work for everyone, and while I am by no means the best parent, I'm doing the best I know how and it's what works for me. It must work for my kids, too. Because I know without a doubt that they go to bed every night knowing they are loved. And that's really all that matters. 

The Way Kids See It

Look at yourself.

 The outside.

The inside. 

The parent you are.  The friend, the spouse, the daughter, the son, the sister, the brother. 

Do you like what you see? 

My son is in 5th grade. Despite the fact that he goes to a relatively small school, it consists of a considerably diverse (both cultural and religious) student body. Sometimes when I am lucky enough to get to pick him up from school, I watch all the children play. 

One day this week I watched. What I witnessed was nothing short of beautiful. 

What if... 

What if the media never focused on people being skinny or fat or ugly or pretty. 

What if, instead, you had no reason to believe anything other than YOU are perfect. Your height, your weight, your skin color, your hair color...are all exactly how they are meant to be? 

What if you knew you could have different beliefs without being judged? If your religion or political stance or sexual preference were all just part of what made you...YOU...and that was okay? 

What if other moms/parents/people were indifferent to whether you had a career or stayed home or breast fed or bottle fed or spanked or didn't spank or fed your family organic or went out to eat 5 nights a week? 

What if they parented completely different than you...but would be your friend anyway? 

What if when making friends, you didn't give a second thought to what kind of clothes you wore or how much money was in your bank account? 

These things...they are all true for children. Until they are taught otherwise, that is. Children see people for who they are on the inside. 

Until we teach them not to.

People I Want To Punch In The Throat

I've been trying to figure out how to write this post for a while. And on Friday, as some snarky person at workslammed the bathroom door in my face, I was compelled to act. No longer will these terrible people roam free! No longer will we be subjected to their tyranny! 

Okay, not really. But a girl can dream.

The following is a list of people I want to punch in throat just because......

1.  The person who sees you coming, LOOKS AT YOU, but doesn't hold the door. Who are these cruel people? Why did their moms and dads raise them so poorly? I think they need hugs.

2.  People who abuse their hazard lights. If you live in any city anywhere, you know exactly what I mean. These are people who pull off to the side and put their flashers on, which they seem to think makes it okay for them to be blocking traffic during rush hour. 

3.  The people who use public restrooms but don't clean up after themselves. They leave the toilet seat cover on or they don't flush or they drop paper towels on the floor and don't pick them up. These people were clearly raised in the wild where they don't have restrooms.

4.  Mall strollers. No, no, not the baby carriages; I'm talking about the people who walk in a horizontal line with their friends at a snail's pace so you can't navigate around them. These people do not belong at a mall, they belong on a nature trail. 

5.  Slow drivers. Like, really slow drivers. I don't understand these people. Don't they see everyone going around them? Doesn't it make them feel bad at all? They are clearly aliens. Human beings would speed the eff up. And they certainly wouldn't flip you off or honk. 

6.  That guy with the bass. I'm laying in bed late at night or early in the morning, and along comes this guy with the big penis-envy truck and the extraordinarily loud bass. It makes the whole cul-de-sac rumble all the way through to my windows, which shake. Plus, it makes my neighbors' yippy dog bark like a deranged lunatic. I hate this guy. 

7.  Elevator offenders. You know who I'm talking about. They are the people with no personal boundaries and stand right on top of you in an empty elevator. Or the person who sees the elevator is full and insists on boarding anyway. These people should be locked in a room and forced to listen to "What Does the Fox Say" on a loop.

Sunday Funday - Answers in Photo Form

OK, so this was a fun little time waster to do on a lazy Sunday.  Basically, you open google images and type in your answer to each of the following questions.  Take the first picture that pops up and paste it as your answer.

1.  What is your name?



2.  What is your favorite food?



3.  What \high school did you go to?



4.  What is your favorite color?



5.  Who is your celebrity crush?



6.  Dream vacation?



7.  Favorite dessert?



8.  What do you want to be when you grow up?



9.  What do you love most in life?

10.  What is one word to describe you?

Why Your 20-Year Old Self Wants You To Shut Up

It seems popular these days to read headlines such as, "10 Things I Would Tell My 20-Year-Old-Self." Or, "5 Words of Advice I Wish I'd Followed In My Youth." When I read these articles, I can almost hear my younger self: "please,please Shut. The. Hell. Up. Can't you just simply love me?"

As if we all somehow were supposed to know better. As if we all somehow, were just awful. Because we did insanely stupid things. Because we made dumb mistakes. Because we were really ridiculous, and oh my GOSH, what were we thinking? 

As if we were not enough. As if things could have somehow been any different than they were. As if we were not doing the best that we could.

At 20, I became a mother. And motherhood swallowed me whole.

I was a good young mother. A good enough mother. I don't think for one second that I was better than any other mother, but I worked hard at motherhood. I gave it my all.

I loved having young children in the house. I loved having my heart pried open by the sight of small, precious hands and the depth of wide, innocent eyes. Some days, it was just a lot of hard work, but mostly, it was a blissful time. My happiest years, when everything, for the first time, felt so right.

In fact, it all felt so right, that I think I decided, on some unconscious level, that everything before, including my younger self, must have somehow been wrong.

So, I left that part of me behind. I ditched her. I pushed her underground. I lost her. I think a lot of us do.

She hadn't understood anything, after all. She sweated the small stuff. She didn't have her priorities straight. She didn't know to enjoy the little things. She actually cared what other people thought of her. How silly she was! How foolish and shallow she had been.

But,now, as my kids are growing up, and in the not too distant future preparing to leave the nest, my younger self seemed to resurface with a vengeance.

For a while, I struggled. Hadn't I  gotten myself all together in my 20s and 30s and left my foolishness behind? Was I going crazy? Was it all just hormonal? Was I having a midlife crisis before I even hit 40?

Eventually, I realized, that in some strange way, I was making peace with my past. I realized that my younger self, like most all of our young selves, had actually kicked ass. I realized that in the midst of all of her flaws and lack of wisdom, she got me here.

I realized that making peace with our past, with our crazy younger selves, works so much better than beating up on them or giving them advice. It makes us whole. It allows us to move forward and to age with gratitude and tolerance for ourselves and for others. 

I think my 20-year-self wants to write an article. I'm not yet sure what all she has to say, but I think I know her title: "10 Reasons Your 20-Year-Old Self Wants You To Shut Up."

No Place I'd Rather Be

You know the song, don't you?  The line "No place I'd rather be" always struck a cord with me whenever I listen to the song.  Something always makes me sit back and think when I hear it.  I know it's about being with the one you love, and being content wherever you are with them.

But, I look at it a little different.  In the hubbub of the day, sometimes I get stuck thinking about the past and/or worrying about the future, that I miss the present moment right in front of me.  I let the craziness of the world envelope me, and forget to take stock in who I am and what I have in my life.  So today, I am celebrating me, in this moment.

 

I am a daughter

I am a sister

I am a mother

I'm a wife

I'm a kick ass singer

I'm an insanely loyal friend

I'm a decent writer and blogger

I am a hard worker

I'm crazy, fun, loud, silly, and loved by those I love!

 

I'm ready to face the world and make my mark.  I'm excited for my future and the goals that have been set.  But I'm also content with who I am now.  I have the love of a wonderful family and the support of amazing friends.  I have a roof over my head, and a job that brings in decent money.  And I have an amazing husband who helps provide for our family, who loves me unconditionally, who does little things I never see to make my life easier, who makes me laugh constantly, who supports me in his own way, and who is my best friend.

 

In this moment, I am immersed in a sensed of joy and thanksgiving.  Life is wonderfully good and there is definitely no place I'd rather be.

10 Things I'd Rather be Doing than "Adulting"

OK, so as a self described (and often affirmed by others) "Grammar Nazi", I find it kind of funny that the word 'Adult' has become a verb.  But, I digress, as this entire post is going to be full of wonderful things I would rather be doing with my life than adulting.

I mean, honestly; being an adult means you have to go to bed early, get up early,  Even just having this long weekend has spoiled me .  Stay up late, sleep in, do what I want.  Why can't we do that in the real world forever?  I'm thinking of moving to Spain. Then I could take part in that mandatory siesta thing.  I could totally get on board with the siesta all day, fiesta all night kind of life.

I could also get on board a cruise ship -- and a whole bunch of other things instead of adulting.

10 Things I Would Rather Do Than Adult

1.  Sit in a tree house and eat peanut butter and banana sandwiches.  I don't think I full appreciated either of these childhood sentiments when I was a child.

2.  Nap time -- 'nough said.

3.  Be a model who can eat whatever she wants.  Just buy me cute outfits....I may even let you take pictures of me in them.

4.  Travel the world and not have to pay for it.

5.  Sit in a library of all the most amazing books and just read for days on end.

6.  Is professional Netflix watching a thing?  Because I could totally do that.

7.  Have my husband make millions of dollars so I could become a trophy wife and live in a kick ass mansion.

8.  OR live my life as a beach bum......just a swim suit, cover up, shades, and sandals.  For life.

9.  Have a jam session with my brothers and sister, and then just chill on the couch watching old home movies of when we were cute little, naive kids.

10.  Super awesome long weekend, karaoke party