Tuesday, May 26, 2015

People I Want To Punch In The Throat

I've been trying to figure out how to write this post for a while. And on Friday, as some snarky person at workslammed the bathroom door in my face, I was compelled to act. No longer will these terrible people roam free! No longer will we be subjected to their tyranny! 
Okay, not really. But a girl can dream.
The following is a list of people I want to punch in throat just because......
1.  The person who sees you coming, LOOKS AT YOU, but doesn't hold the door. Who are these cruel people? Why did their moms and dads raise them so poorly? I think they need hugs.
2.  People who abuse their hazard lights. If you live in any city anywhere, you know exactly what I mean. These are people who pull off to the side and put their flashers on, which they seem to think makes it okay for them to be blocking traffic during rush hour. 
3.  The people who use public restrooms but don't clean up after themselves. They leave the toilet seat cover on or they don't flush or they drop paper towels on the floor and don't pick them up. These people were clearly raised in the wild where they don't have restrooms.
4.  Mall strollers. No, no, not the baby carriages; I'm talking about the people who walk in a horizontal line with their friends at a snail's pace so you can't navigate around them. These people do not belong at a mall, they belong on a nature trail. 

5.  Slow drivers. Like, really slow drivers. I don't understand these people. Don't they see everyone going around them? Doesn't it make them feel bad at all? They are clearly aliens. Human beings would speed the eff up. And they certainly wouldn't flip you off or honk. 

6.  That guy with the bass. I'm laying in bed late at night or early in the morning, and along comes this guy with the big penis-envy truck and the extraordinarily loud bass. It makes the whole cul-de-sac rumble all the way through to my windows, which shake. Plus, it makes my neighbors' yippy dog bark like a deranged lunatic. I hate this guy. 
7.  Elevator offenders. You know who I'm talking about. They are the people with no personal boundaries and stand right on top of you in an empty elevator. Or the person who sees the elevator is full and insists on boarding anyway. These people should be locked in a room and forced to listen to "What Does the Fox Say" on a loop.


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