The "I Just Don't Get It" List

**Obligitory warning to my readers: Some of the things you read in the following blog post may be considered offensive to some. So please don't comment about my foul language if you choose to read on. Thank you**

Every day I find something new that I just can’t wrap my head around. Usually it’s the stupid stuff other people do that I just can’t understand. But sometimes it’s a little thing that gets my attention and keeps me guessing. I keep a running list of these things, maybe someone will read it and have some answers for me. Here’s hoping…

Things I Just CAN’T Understand

*One-ply toilet paper -- What’s the point? I’m just going to use more!

*How the dryer knows what I need -- When I need a shirt, that shirt is always in the back, at the bottom. If I need a pair of pants, it’s in the back, at the bottom. No matter what I need, it’s in the back, at the bottom. How does it know? Is it watching me?

*People who don’t pick up after their kids at restaurants -- one I actually understand, but just find completely appalling and offensive. Don’t you realize you’re giving all parents a bad name? YOU are the reason why we get dirty looks when we take our boys out to eat. We actually had a waitress tell us once that she loved us when we cleaned up after ourselves. How sad.

*Why four-way stops always turn into such a zoo. -- Just take your turn! It’s okay, don’t be afraid.

*Vanity license plates -- Unless it’s just really, really funny, what’s the point? I’m not impressed that you can afford a license plate that says “2INSANE.” 2INSANE is what you were when you decided it was a good idea to put that on your car.

*Couples who sit on the same side of the booth at a restaurant -- They leave the other side empty and me wondering… why? It can’t be comfortable. (Unless they’re feeling each other up under the table. THAT I can understand.)

*The appeal of Neil Young -- Harvest Moon? Really?

*People who hang dreamcatchers from their rearview mirrors -- Do you really believe in the mystical quality of the dreamcatcher? How about its ability to save you when you ram into someone else because your view was blocked by an enormous, useless piece of crap?

*People who drive slow in the fast lane -- Enough said.

*Why America’s Funniest Home Videos needs a host -- Even if you really HAVE to have one, couldn’t you find one who doesn’t suck? I love watching people bust ass and scare the crap out of each other - why do you have to ruin it with that idiot, Tom Bergeron? (Although he is a wee bit better than Bob Saget)

*Fox News -- People watch this channel all the time believing that it’s a legitimate, objective news source. It’s actually shown on airport TVs sometimes. It looks like the news, sounds like the news - but it’s not REALLY the news. Shouldn’t they be required to run some kind of permanent scroll at the bottom of the screen that identifies them as a bunch of right-wing assholes?

*Why Paris Hilton is still in the headlines -- Shouldn’t being rich, stupid and slutty only entitle you to a couple of years’ worth of fame? Aren’t we there yet?

*Speaking of slutty: The Pussycat Dolls -- Congratulations on your big boobs and platform heels, ladies, but those things do NOT automatically equal talent!

*Why Hummers are still sold to the general public. In this day and age, it just seems ridiculous that anyone other than the military would shell out big bucks for one of these monstrosities. (Not to mention the enormous cost of gassing that baby up.) All I can think when I see one is, “Wow, he must have a REALLY small penis.”


Anything I’ve forgotten? Anything I’m totally wrong about? Anyone? Anyone?