How the heck to you do it? I am in such an emotional tug-of-war right now that it is driving me crazy. And I feel so guilty about it that I swear I am giving myself an ulcer.
It's no secret that I don't like living in Texas. I grew up in a very small town, where everyone knew everyone and you were related to almost everybody. I had my parents and grandparents, I had all my aunts and uncles close.....and a couple of dozen cousins that I could play with whenever I wanted. I had a VERY close relationship with my grandmother. She was my hero and one of my very best friends. I would live at her house in the summers and spend as much time with her as I could. It was an amazing relationship and one I treasure now more than ever. My grandma passed away 8 years ago.
Living here in Texas we have no family. Everyone is in Canada.....for both Ross and my family. His mom, my parents, his oldest son, my siblings, and our nephews.....all in Canada. My kids don't really know their cousins and haven't seen their grandparents in over 2 years. I HATE THAT!! I want my kids to have the same close knit family ties that I had.
I love my husband, and I have followed him everywhere since we've been married. And, we have moved.....A LOT!!! He loves living here. His business is taking off like crazy, the kids are thriving and doing really well too. So, why am I so unhappy? Am I just being selfish, because I miss my family and want to give my kids what I had? UGH! My brain is hurting. I wish I could just be happy with where we are, but I'm not. And I can't explain that to my husband, because he wouldn't understand. He didn't have the same type of childhood that I did. His family wasn't close and didn't care if they ever saw eachother. This is so much easier for him to deal with. I don't have "friends" here. I mean, there are people from church that I communicate with occassionally, but are they really my "friends" in the sense of a sisterhood bond that most people equate with close friends? And can I ever achieve that with people? Again, my husband doesn't understand the need for friends. He is my best friend, and says that's all he needs and doesn't understand why I have the need for other friends. Maybe it's a woman thing, a type of bonding instinct we have that men don't. I don't know. Ugh, why is life so complicated?
I hope this year is the best one yet -- for each and every one of you!!
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