Random Blah Blah: Facebook Edition

Facebook is the latest in a long string of things that I’m fascinated by and totally overuse until the novelty wears off. One look at my profile, and it’s obvious how obsessy I am.

Both Twitter AND my blog have suffered as a result of my obsess-i-ness. (And by “suffered,” I mean “not had many posts, which nobody has noticed or cared about but me.”)

I post status updates multiple times per day, upload excessive photos, comment on other people’s posts, hit the “like” button a lot, etc. etc. etc. etc. I think it is ALL awesome and I just KNOW that everybody else thinks it’s awesome, too.

When I see other people who post status updates multiple times per day, upload excessive photos, comment on other people’s posts, and hit the “like” button a lot, I understand this means they are losers and think, “Geez, get a LIFE already.”

Some article recently made the rounds called “The 12 Most Annoying Facebook Users” or something like that, and I refused to read it because I was certain I’d be at least four of them.

When I see people with more friends than me I understand what that really means — they are liars and posers. NOBODY really has that many friends.

When I see that I have more friends than other people, I’m proud of myself for being so incredibly popular.

For this reason, I’ve only “un-friended” two people since I started using Facebook. They both hurt my feelings and it was my way of giving them the finger.

I’ve recently embraced the “hide” feature as a wonderfully cowardly alternative to un-friending someone. Dude who tells inappropriate and totally not funny jokes about naggy wives? HIDE. Bible Passage Lady? HIDE. Super Duper Happy All The Time Lady? HIDE. I don’t have to read their annoying posts, and they have no idea how much I hate them. It’s a Win/Win, as far as I’m concerned.

I’m absolutely CERTAIN that a LOT of people have hidden my updates. I desperately want a Facebook app to find out who they are so I can hate them too.

I’m in a Mexican Stand-Off with at least three of the people who always appear on my “Friend Suggestions” list. I’m not sure if they know or care that we’re in a Mexican Stand-Off, but we totally are. And I’m winning.

I hate obvious fan groups. Why does anyone need to join a group to prove they’re a fan of “Movies”? Or “Sex”? Aren’t those things kind of givens? Do we really need a group of fans to show their support for “Sleep”? Or “Bacon”? Come on. EVERYBODY loves bacon! DUH.

However, the new group called “Fans of Erin” is TOTALLY OKAY TO JOIN. TOTALLY. OKAY.