Wednesday, September 2, 2009

If you are expecting child #2, please take note.....

OK, so as a mother of more than one child, here are some things that I have learned over the past 9 or so years:

1.) Your car will become your safe haven. When the kids are going crazy and your nerves are shot, load everyone up into the car. You may not have a place to go, but who cares? With everyone strapped into car seats, you are know they are safe and secure, and best of all, cannot touch each other. Which means no hitting, punching, biting, or wrestling matches. (Be warned, however, you are not free from verbal fighting. Bwaha ha ha ha!!! YOU WILL NEVER BE FREE FROM VERBAL FIGHTING!!) Just drive and drive and drive. If you are lucky enough, they just might fall asleep. And that brings me to my next point.....

2.) You will want to kiss the feet of the genius that invented the drive-thru. Drive-thrus will become your lifeline, your best friend, the reason for your existence. You will become FURIOUS that every establishment is not a drive thru. How do these people expect you to SURVIVE?! Do they actually think it is fun to lug two or more kids out of the car, strap them into carts/strollers, and run in to buy the baby wipes that you stupidly forgot to get when you went to the grocery store only earlier that morning?! No, it's unnecessary torture, is what it is!!

3.) For some unknown reason, Child #2 is made of steel. This child will climb, leap, run, and fall harder, faster, stronger than you ever remember Child #1 doing. And what do they do? They get up, brush themselves off, and then start all over again at full speed. They are not known for crying. Laughing menacingly while jumping off the back of the couch, however? Yes. (Multiply this fact exponentially for each subsequent child).

4.) It is perfectly normal to cry tears of happiness or go running through the streets leaping with joy when a friend or family member says to you: "Why don't I take the kids for a little bit?"

5.) Getting a picture of your kids together AND smiling will become akin to winning the Powerball $250 million dollar lottery.

6.) Getting a picture of your two kids together and smiling their "fake" smiles will make you annoyed. Because you've tasted what it is like to have that $250 million dollar lotto winner feeling. And now you want it again. With every picture.

"No, please! Boys, can you do your real smiles, for Mommy? Please? Show me your best smiles! No! Not the cheesy smile...the REAL smile. PLEASE, I DON'T ASK A LOT OF YOU GUYS!!! JUST SMILE NORMAL FOR MOMMY!!!"


Michelle said...

I love all your advice to mothers! I plan on applying it in my own life, especially the sarcastic advice. when I have kids.

SongbirdMama said...

Ha ha ha ha!!! Thank you! I really should right a book. LOL! T

Your Mama said...

Hey...your #2 definately has a 250 million dollar smile! you said...when he uses are right on on all points....lmbo