Idol Chatter -- The Top 9

Gah, so I got a little sidetracked tonight between sick kids and hubby being in the hospital and sort of forgot that Idol was on tonight, so I missed the first half of Anoops song. But here's what I thought.

1. Anoop -- "???": What the heck was the song he was singing? It was awful and he was completely flat through the whole thing. That makes me sad, because I really like him, but he's not proving to be much of a "Star".

2. Meagan -- "Good Lovin": Was she high while she was on stage? She was horrible from top to bottom and her mannerisms were as though she was completely baked while singing.

3. Danny -- "What Hurts the Most": Beautiful as always. He has amazing power when he hits the choruses of his songs. This guy is a brilliant talent.

4. Allison -- "Don't Speak": I hated the arrangement on the chorus. It was too slow and she sounded like she had a hard time getting under the song.

5. Scott -- "Just the way you Are": OK, so I know I've given Scott a hard time the past couple of weeks, but I really like most of that song A LOT. I could have done without his attempt at the vocal acrobatics, but I loved the intonation of the vocals and I LOVED the piano.

6. Matt -- "You found Me": Hated it. Literally hated everything about it. I didn't like how he was out in the middle of the floor, the song started too low for him, there was WAY too much vibrato in his voice, and he was screaming by the end of the song.

7. Lil -- "I Surrender": I hated this one too...which is hard for me to say because I love Celine. But Lil was really shouty and her enormous mouth was very distracting. It was boring and shouty and flat. Blah, blah, blah.....she's starting to lose her appeal with me.

8. Adam -- "Play the Funky Music": (OK, nothing to do with the performance, but this was the number one song on the day I was born LOL) Well, Adam went a little manic on his ending note, but beyond that I thought he was phenomenal. His arrangement was great and his performance was fantastic.

9. Kris -- "Ain't no Sunshine": I LOVE this song, and he did it brilliantly. I loved everything about it. My favorite performance by him so far, hands down.

OK, so the bottom three: Please be Meagan....please, she needs to go. OK um....also, Anoop and Matt. That is my "Official" prediction.....but I also woudn't be suprised to see Lil or Allison in there.

What did YOU think??

An Open Letter To The Public Library

Dear Public Library,

I love the whole concept of free books and unlimited access to learning. I love that you encourage reading. But there are some major flaws in your system. Maybe you should take a field trip to the mall and check out your competition—the book stores.

First, why can’t you be more like Barnes and Noble? You don’t need to sell pastries and have a café (although how cool would THAT be?) but can’t you arrange your books in attractive displays? Pull out some good ones and stack them nicely on end tables? I realize it’s hard to do with those ugly plastic-couch covered 1985 Danielle Steel hardbacks, but surely you’ve got SOMETHING good hidden in those dark, dusty shelves. Just a small table of something interesting might encourage me to dig through the 100,000,001 fiction books in hopes of finding more. As it is….I give up after a quick run through the “A’s”.

Oh, and that whole alphabetical arrangement really blows. Again, check out Barnes and Noble! They separate by subject! Amazing, huh? I can walk in and find a lovely historical fiction in five minutes. I don’t need to know the freaking author’s last name, because honestly, who knows that crap?!? I wander up and down your aisles muttering, “I know the title, but who the heck wrote it? Ah, forget it. I don’t have time for this.”(I won’t even mention how you never EVER have anything new. I know you are already embarrassed about it. It’s okay! I understand that you’re poor and have to please the old people by spending all your money on Princess Di biographies.)

But the real thorn in my side is your children’s section. What were you smoking when you put THAT together? Stop arranging by author’s last name! Do I look like I know who wrote The Stinky Cheese Man? And kids don’t know that crap either, despite all those Reading Rainbow episodes you’ve seen. Also? Throw out any picture book published before 1980. If a cartoon character is wearing bell bottoms, it’s got to go. (And who wants 30 years worth of germy kids’ fingers anywhere near their child?!?) I appreciate that you may have a few games and puzzles for the kids to play with, but could you check them once in a while for missing pieces? High-Ho Cherry-O kinda sucks without the cherries. Or the lid. Or the little spinner. In fact, it was just a piece of cardboard with holes punched in it. Library, I still have love for you, but you need to get your act together. (Or start selling yummy cookies and frapaccinos to make up for your suckiness. JUST DO SOMETHING. Geesh.)

XOXO
Songbirdmama

Some TLC shows just aren't worth anyones time

I was going to publish a rather whiny post about my frustrations with my kids and my own failings as a mother…but then I remembered that I watched John and Kate Plus Eight last night, and it’s much more fun and entertaining to pick apart someone else’s parenting. (Can I get an AMEN?)

I haven’t watched the show in quite awhile because 1.) it’s really boring, and 2.) Kate makes me go mental. But, last night was a RERUN of when they moved into a brand new (hugely expensive) house….and after flipping through the channels 10 times, I gave up and watched it. Their new house is…amazing. It’s huge, it’s beautiful, and Kate couldn’t believe how DIRTY it was. (The “dirt” consisted of some dust bunnies in the pantry. GOD FORBID! ) The rest of the family took off while Kate snapped on her yellow plastic gloves and started cleaning in a manic OCD fit. She spent 4 hours cleaning the fridge—with a toothpick. (Aaannndd…that’s when I spit my bowl of popcorn across the room while laughing hysterically.)

Seriously? 4 hours to clean a fridge? Mine gets wiped out once every 3 months with a few Clorox Wipes—and if there’s too much crap on the shelf I just wipe off the edge. Also? I don’t even think I own toothpicks. Moving on…

Kate has some odd rules for the new house. Like this little gem: “No child shall ever set foot in Mommy’s bedroom. EVER AGAIN.” Are you Serious!? She stood in the middle of her new bedroom and shrieked, “See this room? You’re never. To. Come. In. here. Again. Understand?” So Saturday morning snuggles are a big No-No? Nightmares never happen? Unless she’s installing permanent S&M equipment, what is the big deal? (Wait….has Kate been reading Self?)
Ah, it makes me laugh. Then…it just makes me sad. She is staring to make "Octomom" look like Mother Teresa.

Anyone else watch this train wreck of a show?

Obligatory Idol Results show and a diss on "Self" Magazine

OK, because I promised everyone I would, here's my take on the idol results show. First off, loved all the special guest musical numbers -- hated the montage by the Idols themselves. Ugh! Secondly, how the heck was Matt G in the bottom three. That made me sad. But I can't say I'm upset that Michael went home. I knew he wasn't destined to win the whole thing. But I still think that Scott should have gone home before him.....and Meagan too for that matter. There you go.

Moving On.....

Last night, I flipped through February’s Self magazine while soaking in the bathtub. (What? Like you don’t do that?) Usually Self is not too bad—it’s full of ditzy exercise tips mixed in with the typical Cosmo junk and just enough “health” topics to set apart from being…well…just a suckier version of Glamour. But, whatever. It’s good for bathtub flipping.

The first article I read was Self’s breakdown of all the levels of vegetarianism. (Is this really informative to anyone over the age of 13? Seriously. Don’t we already know this crap?) I have to confess, I was too bored to actual read the article, but I did check out the celebrity bedazzled flow chart that ranged from Meat Eaters (Jessica Simpson) to Self’s new made up word of the day—Airatarians! (Those are people who don’t eat anything but air.) Har-har.Um, Self? Those people are usually called anorexics. Let’s not poke fun at people with real issues, okay? Especially since I’m sure next month you’ll come out with some stupid Anorexic Awareness article and try to be all PC and sensitive. Gag.

Moving on….ah, yes. We can’t have an issue without the obligatory “Have Hot Sex TONIGHT” article. Without these types of articles, how would I have ever learned that certain areas should be trimmed into hearts and stars and dyed with Kool-Aid for special occasions? Hmmm?!?!? (Spanks Cosmo, circa 2002!) This month’s article was about trying new things—like a threesome! Or dating a girl and batting for the other team! Or how about firing up your marriage with an AFFAIR? After all, you never know what you’ll like unless you relax and try new things.

Sage advice, Self. Words of wisdom, I’m sure. But since I actually have MORALS, I don’t think I’ll be sleeping around with another man (or woman) anytime soon. Also? I just vomited a little in my mouth.

It was one of those issues that made me toss it aside and say, “Am I crazy, or am I one of the only sane people left?” Or maybe American society now resembles a really bad MTV Real World episode and I am too absorbed with work and motherhood to notice.

Idol Chatter (Top 10)

Ah, Motown week. One of my favorites. I had high hopes for tonight, especially when I heard that Smoky Robinson was back this year. But before I start in on the contestants, let me first comment on this weeks "Wardrobe Malfunctions".



Is it just me or did Randy remind anyone else of a black Mr. Rogers with that rediculous sweater. And Paula.....is she taking fashion advice from Bjork now? And what was with that giant disco ball on her ring finger?



OK, on to the contestants:



1. Matt -- "Let's get it on": I didn't like how he kept switching between his upper and lower register. He felt the music, which was great, but he fell flat in a few spots. I didn't really care for it.



2. Kris -- "How Sweet it is": I like the fresh vibe he brought to Motown. It had a bit of a country flair to it. I didn't "love" it, but I thought it was good.



3. Scott -- "You Can't Hurry Love": Yawn! Very vanilla rendition of this song. He didn't put enough "oomph" into it. I actually enjoyed the piano more than the vocals.



4. Meagan -- "For once in my Life": She sounded like she had to force the vocals because the verses were too low for her. And she was really shouty, and flat through most of her high notes. FINALLY the judges are seeing her for the craptastic singer she is.



5. Anoop -- "Ooh Baby, Baby": That was nice. A little slower than I would have liked it. But I thought his falsetto was phenomenal. Kara didn't give him enough credit. (Hated his wardrobe too....what's with the jackets this year?)

6. Michael -- "Ain't too Proud to beg": He was pretty good, but there is some Motown songs that a white boy should NOT sing, and I think this is one of them.

7. Lil -- "Heatwave": I'm with Randy on this one. She sounded off tempo and flat. She was rushed and shouty. This was her worst performance by a landslide.

8. Adam -- "Tracks of my Tears": Fan-freakin-tastic! I loved seeing this side of him. Not a lot of guys can sing almost an entire song in their upper register, but that was bloody phenomenal. Gave me goosebumps.

9. Danny -- "Get Ready": Big mistake not taking Smoky's advice, but he is still an amazing vocalist. The rest of the song was near perfect. He had some issues with breath control, but other than that it was great.

10. Allison -- "Papa was a rollin' stone": Another amazing powerhouse vocal. I honestly believe that this chick could win it all. She's definately my pick for favorite female in the competition. She was absolutely unreal.

OK, so there you have it. My thoughts for the week. I have a feeling that Michael, Meagan and Scott are going to be in the bottom three. And I don't think that any of them have a hope in Hell of winning, so I really don't care which of them goes home.

Curse of the Uni-boob

How’s the weight loss? I’m so glad you asked.

I’ve worked out every day (except Sunday—even God took a rest) for about 3 weeks now. I lost 6 pounds, then gained back 3…then slowly lost 2. So I’m down a whopping total of 5 pounds.(Ooh…that’s not impressive.)

But there are other benefits! I feel stronger, I have a bit more energy, and I do believe my boobs are shrinking.(10 kinds of awesome.)

I’ve posted about my big boobs before…. I’m a 38DD, people! That’s straight-up Play-Boy-Bunny-hey-look-at-my-jugs size. (In fact, I do believe that exact phrase is written in small print on my bra’s tag. And I think the women in some Chinese sweat shop held up my gi-normous bra and laughed while wearing it on their head as a hat.) But I digress….

I don’t wear a sports bra while I work out. I wear my normal bra, and my husband looks at me funny when he finds me sweating in blue stripped pajama pants and a hot black lace bra. Sports bras are made for tiny boobs. Mine are big and um…pliable? I put on a sports bra and they just mush together into one giant uni-boob. I need support and, um, and miracles! A tiny, stretchy slice of lycra CANNOT control DD’s.

Also? The whole “pull the bra over your head” thing is just disturbing. There’s always a few seconds where the bra is stuck in a roll below my shoulders, my arms are stuck in the air, and my boobs are painfully smooshed into my stomach. Hawt.

So…I need to find a good sports bra. I can picture it in my head—It’s white, TWO SEPARATE CUPS (gasp!), hooks up the back, and can absorb sweat. Am I looking for The Holy Grail, or does such a bra really exist?

Brothers

On a day when I am home, the big boys are off to school and Ryker is asleep, I needed something to make me smile. Other than the fact that I am here, by myself. In the silence. Today I am going to post some older pictures for a few reasons. Firstly, because I like them. Secondly, because I think my kids are cute. Thirdly, because my oldest is turning 12 next month, and the other 2 are almost 9 and 5 which is too old for my liking. And fourthly, because they fight. Alot. They fight from the second they get home from school until they are in bed with their eyes closed and they are dreaming about how to physically hurt the other. So I am looking at these pictures of my boys during short spurts of time when they actually liked each other and got along for more than 30 seconds. I am sure one day in the next 15 years they will like each other once again.

In the meantime I have these pictures.