Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Calling All Mommies

I've had it. I really mean it this time. I've really had it. And I'm done. The summer just started and the boys are driving me insane. I can't take any more of it and I'm scared I'm really going to lose my mind this time and they'll have to haul me off to the insane asylum. I'll be drugged and bound and put into a rubber room all alone... Uh...wait, that doesn't sound that bad. The kids aren't coming to the asylum, are they? They aren't? Oh. Okay, well, then put me down for a single rubber room. I like my eggs over easy in the morning.

But until the authorities come to take me away (don't worry, I'll put on a good show!), I'm calling all tired, frustrated, fed up Mommies out there to join me in running away from home. If you're like me and are already counting down the minutes until the school bus arrives so you can shove your child onto it and fall into a heap as it pulls away, I've got a plan. And, what the Hell, if your child is still in school but you're still dealing with the trauma from the thoughts of the upcoming summer, you can come, too. And lastly, if your child(ren) aren't going to school because they're still too little, well, you can have the front seat!!I've got a plan....

First thing we have to do is figure out where we're running. From what I can gather, we're all coming from completely different parts of the nation, so we need a good, amicable spot to gather. Every movie I've ever seen about people running away has taught me that all roads lead to Mexico. That's our destination. Mexico. Now, I can already hear your questions and worries: "But who is going to take care of my children? Who will be left to hold down the fort? The house will fall apart if I'm not here!"Don't worry, I have a plan for this, too.The Babysitter's Club.Remember those books? Well, I'm sure that Mary Anne and Claudia and Stacey and all of the others would love to have a re-union!

So, we'll call them, tell them to sharpen their crayons and pack their Kid Kits and get moving!! It's a Babysitter's Club Emergency! The Mommies are all on strike! Does that ease your mind? You read the books when you were younger, didn't you? Before you realized that caring for children wasn't actually that much fun half the time? They were always such responsible young adults, we'll have nothing to worry about! Are you still pretty sure that the house will fall down around your family if you decide to leave? I'll let you in on a little secret....They'll be fine. Really. It's just their natural survival tactic to tell you that their whole world will fall apart the minute you aren't there. It's the only way your husband can survive in the parenting world. And your kids, too. They actually won't care that much once you're gone. Kids are like stray dogs...they just love whoever is feeding them. Trust me. Plus, one of the members of the Babysitter's Club always had food hiding around and I'm sure she'll share....

Right, so we have a place to go. And someone to watch the rug rats. Now we just need a departure time. I'm leaving right now -- as soon as I post this plea to all of the Mommies. I'll meet you there.....

1 comment:

Maren said...

LOL. Babysitter's Club. I had a serious collection of those books and read it multiple times. I wanted to be Stacey so badly. Hee hee.