Monday, October 20, 2008

Things I Just Don't Get

My creative juices have dried up in the face of a small personal crisis, so what you get today is a short list of things I don't:

Anime.
This is art? In my humble opinion, it is eerily childlike, blatantly sexualized, thinly disguised pedophiliac fodder.

Hummers.
Let's bring this down to the lowest common denominator, shall we? Show me a guy who drives a Hummer and I'll show you a guy with a small one. Guaranteed.

Football.
I have no comment. Grown men in tight pants pummeling one another defies explanation.

Sushi.
I'm as gastonomically adventerous as the next person. But seriously, have you seen some of the stuff Japanese people eat? I'm not too keen on following their lead when it comes to epicurean delights.

Those haircuts with the back all messed up.
People go to school to learn how to do this?

Children's beauty pageants.
All children are beautiful. Quanitfying that beauty is truly tastelss and sad and servers only to illuminate the superficiality and hubris of those exploiting their offspring for commercial gain. Ick.

Spam.
Get a real job you pathetic loser. Nobody buys the "Prince from Dubai" schtick.

Penis enlargement products.
Is there really anybody gullible enough to believe these claims or insecure/desperate enough to actually pay money to avail themselves of these methods?. If so, chances are, they drive a Hummer.

People who create computer viruses.
Get any job, and stop being a blight on mankind you pathetic loser. Anybody who uses their brilliance for such malignant purpose should be horsewhipped.

Paris Hilton.
Being vacuous, ill-bred and easy is apparently enough to gain one a measure of celebrity these days. Perhaps I should change my ways. I could use the money
.
Lip plumping products.
Look, either you have lips, or you don't. Everybody knows if you're faking it.

Bullies.
Really...how insecure, embittered and misanthripic does a person have to to derive pleasure from hurting others?.

People who write without using paragraphs, capitals or punctuation.
I guess I missed the memo about these thing being phased out of the written language. Or perhaps they have simply become optional, to enable those who actually speak without breathing or thinking to write the same way. Who knew?

Natural beauty.
Simply put, unless you are thirteen, there is no such thing. Do everyone a favor...get your brows and stache waxed and put on some lipstick. And a bra wouldn't hurt...those puppies don't come with anti-gravity boosters.

That's all for now, but I will edit to add more that come to me. And I'm sure that more will come to me.

3 comments:

Michelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michelle said...

LOL! "anti-gravity boosters"!

Maren said...

Anime freaks me out.

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