Sunday, February 14, 2010

Little White Lies

Anyone who says that they do not lie to their spouse/significant other is completely full of crap.

(Seriously.)

I lie to Hubs on a daily basis. Not about anything important, of course.

(Usually.)

There's a lot of "Sure, that sounds great!" and "No, I'm not mad" and "It's fine, I'll do it myself"'s, but every once in awhile things get a little interesting and I'm forced to use a very small part of my brain in order to come up with some half-baked scheme that doesn't even sound true in my head.

I'm not exactly sure WHY I do it, because I put very little effort into it, and as a result, he always catches me. Or, nearly always.

HUBS: (coming into the bathroom while I'm in the shower) Hey! Are you using my razor?

ME: No!

HUBS: It's in your hand.

ME: Umm...I ran out of mine.

HUBS: (pulling a brand new pack out of the cupboard) Oh, really?

ME: Damn it.
***

I'm not sure exactly what possesses me to fib about things that are so inconsequential. I guess I just feel like it's easier than getting into the nitty gritty details of why I did or did not do whatever I'm lying about.

ME: *yawning* Just leave the dishes. I'll dry them in the morning.

HUBS: (skeptically) Right.

ME: I will! First thing.

HUBS: No you won't.

ME: It really makes me upset that you have so little faith in me.

**day passes, Hubs comes home from work**

HUBS: So. The dishes?

ME: Damn it.
***

I would like to point out, for the record, that Hubs is also guilty of the occasional omission of truth. And his are far less convincing. Mainly because he can't keep a straight face even when he's not lying.

ME: Hey, can you get (some inane item) out of the garage for me?

HUBS: *silence* *crickets*

ME: Hello?

HUBS: I'm sorry, what? I didn't hear you.

ME: *frown* Yes you did.

HUBS: No, really. I didn't. Did you say something?

ME: *even bigger frown*

HUBS: What did you say about going to the garage?

ME: I thought you didn't hear me.

HUBS: Uhm.
***

Obviously, I don't condone lying to your spouse when it comes to IMPORTANT topics, like fidelity, debt, or favorite American Idol contestants, but I will readily admit that I find it very useful to implement the "little white lie" into daily life, especially when dealing with unfortunate flatulence incidents or the occasional forgotten chore.

In fact, I don't even like to call it "lying." I prefer to say "smoothing the marital plane." As in "Are you kidding me? I LOVE watching 'How It's Made' with you! I don't find it mind numbing or useless AT ALL!"

Best. Wife. Ever.

2 comments:

Your Mama said...

...hahahaha.....this one is possible the best blog in history..for sure......no really....honestly....you don't believe me?.....damn it.....
hahaha....Loved it and SO TRU!

Mark and Emily said...

LOL!!! That's making me laugh, I agree with your mom this may be one of the best ever!

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