Little White Lies

Anyone who says that they do not lie to their spouse/significant other is completely full of crap.

(Seriously.)

I lie to Hubs on a daily basis. Not about anything important, of course.

(Usually.)

There's a lot of "Sure, that sounds great!" and "No, I'm not mad" and "It's fine, I'll do it myself"'s, but every once in awhile things get a little interesting and I'm forced to use a very small part of my brain in order to come up with some half-baked scheme that doesn't even sound true in my head.

I'm not exactly sure WHY I do it, because I put very little effort into it, and as a result, he always catches me. Or, nearly always.

HUBS: (coming into the bathroom while I'm in the shower) Hey! Are you using my razor?

ME: No!

HUBS: It's in your hand.

ME: Umm...I ran out of mine.

HUBS: (pulling a brand new pack out of the cupboard) Oh, really?

ME: Damn it.
***

I'm not sure exactly what possesses me to fib about things that are so inconsequential. I guess I just feel like it's easier than getting into the nitty gritty details of why I did or did not do whatever I'm lying about.

ME: *yawning* Just leave the dishes. I'll dry them in the morning.

HUBS: (skeptically) Right.

ME: I will! First thing.

HUBS: No you won't.

ME: It really makes me upset that you have so little faith in me.

**day passes, Hubs comes home from work**

HUBS: So. The dishes?

ME: Damn it.
***

I would like to point out, for the record, that Hubs is also guilty of the occasional omission of truth. And his are far less convincing. Mainly because he can't keep a straight face even when he's not lying.

ME: Hey, can you get (some inane item) out of the garage for me?

HUBS: *silence* *crickets*

ME: Hello?

HUBS: I'm sorry, what? I didn't hear you.

ME: *frown* Yes you did.

HUBS: No, really. I didn't. Did you say something?

ME: *even bigger frown*

HUBS: What did you say about going to the garage?

ME: I thought you didn't hear me.

HUBS: Uhm.
***

Obviously, I don't condone lying to your spouse when it comes to IMPORTANT topics, like fidelity, debt, or favorite American Idol contestants, but I will readily admit that I find it very useful to implement the "little white lie" into daily life, especially when dealing with unfortunate flatulence incidents or the occasional forgotten chore.

In fact, I don't even like to call it "lying." I prefer to say "smoothing the marital plane." As in "Are you kidding me? I LOVE watching 'How It's Made' with you! I don't find it mind numbing or useless AT ALL!"

Best. Wife. Ever.