Out of the Mouths of Parents

Yesterday, while chatting online with a few other mom friends, the topic of 'I never thought I'd say that' came up. One of the moms, who is a teacher, got things started with a few statements she says she never would have imagined herself saying.

"Stop farting on his head," and "there will be no more licking her," were two she shared.

I got to thinking, I'm sure there are many things parents say that, pre-children, would have never left our lips. Here are a few that come to my mind from several conversations in this household:

"That is meant for the toilet, not your mouth."

"Why would you do that to your brother's bum?"

"Do you think Santa likes that tongue?"

"No, babies do not come out of your bum."(there seem to be a lot of bum related comments...hmmm...)

"If you keep doing that, your face will stay like that." (Did I actually use this one? Yes, sadly.)

"The plants don't want to eat your dinner."

"Wait right here. I have to deal with the poop explosion upstairs first."

"Don't pick at it or it will never heal."

"Stop catching your fart."

"Pick your own nose."

"Don't bite him, he's just a baby."

"You think this is mean?!"

"You can get kicked out of school for peeing on a tree during recess."

"Quit stealing all the plastic baggies!"

"No, you may not pop your brother's head like a grape."

"Who told you about butt cheese?"

"Stop licking my leg!"

"If letting him dip his pancakes into his orange juice means he eats a decent breakfast, then so be it."

"What do you mean you accidentally picked your nose?"

This is but a sampling of the amazing way we communicate with our children. I'm sure that in some far off galaxy they are hearing transmissions of these very phrases and thinking "we are *so* not getting in touch with that planet!"

I'm sure I can't be the only one with a weirdo family. Please share with me some of the off-the-wall things that have been heard in your houses.