I miss having perky boobs. I miss having a waistline.
Since I miss my perky boobs and my waistline so much I am thinking of going on the Survivor Diet. This involves travelling to an island with minimal supplies.
A deserted island with bathroom facilities is a must. Running water is also a must. And electricity. (I did not say I was going to rough it, I just said I was going on the diet.)
I will be on a tropical island with lots of fruit trees and edible berry bushes. There will be copious amounts of clean water to drink. There will be no chocolate. Or cookies. (*gasp* Take a deep breath) Yes, it will be difficult, but I feel that it is what I have to do to get my body back.
I cannot live anywhere close to sugar.....bad sugar. I cannot have access to stores or restaurants. I will swim in the ocean that is blocked off from all sea mammals. No big fish, snakes, sharks, crocs or eels can come within a mile of my swimming area please and thank you. Because if they do come near me I may just have a heart attack...or get eaten and the entire experience will be pointless.
I will jog on the beach. Ok, who am I kidding...... I will walk. Alot.
I will spend my days in the water and in the sand getting all pretty and healthy. I will read gossip magazines and maybe even a novel or two. I will listen to my music. Bluegrass music will not exist on this island.
I will not eat chocolate. Or cookies. Or anything that is remotely unhealthy. I will be the picture of optimal health.
I will drink water because it is the only beverage available. No soda. No Kool Aid. No juice.
Borrring.
I will lose weight. I will get in shape.
I will come home, look at chocolate and have no desire to eat it.
I will only eat salads and fish, and all the good stuff that people are supposed to eat.
And then I will get a boob job.
The End.
Yes, these thoughts actually do run through my mind. Now if only I can find someone who will let me stay on their well equipped island for free.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
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2 comments:
Haha, that is so funny! I was just saying to Mark the other day because I have been 9 days junk food free, that they should have rehab for people like me! It's addicting all that yummy-ness...an island for JA's (junkfood anonymous)!! Great idea!
Erin I think I will have to join you and Emily on this island diet adventure! Sounds like something I totally need! I really think you're on to something there...and yes free would be nice!
Dana
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