See what happens when I try to build memories for my children?!?

Are any of you familiar with the sweet book “I Love You Forever”? I hope so. Because I think only those who know this book will understand the depths of this tragic post.


I love this book. I have all these rainbow and unicorn dreams that my sons will grow up with beautiful memories of me reading this book to them. And then one day, they will read it to their kids. And their kids will read it to their kids. And WON’T LIFE BE GRAND?! All because of this book.

If you don’t know about it, it’s about a mother and son going through different stages of life together and the one thing she always tells her son (um, on every singe page of the book) is:
“I’ll love you forever. I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”
Only I never get that far.

It’s more like “I l-l-l-ove you for--WAHHHHHHHHHH! SOMEONE PASS MOMMY THE TISSUES!”

My mascara is running down my face, my boys are looking at me like I’m some sort of freak show, and I’m blubbering “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU! And one day, I’m going to be old and you are going to be older and I’m going to drive to your house and put a ladder up to your window just like that mommy did and—what? No, that’s not scary. It’ll be MOMMY! At your window! Checking on you! See, I’ll always be here for you and--What? Will I fall off the ladder? No, I’ll be real safe and--OH JUST FORGET IT!”

(What? Ok, so the book brings out some major emotions in me, alright?!)

The other night, I go to read it to the boys at bedtime. We get about halfway through and Ryker starts saying “WAIT. You skipped a part.”

“What? You know I would never skip a part in this book.”

“Yeah. You did. The ba, ba, ba part.”

“What?”

“The ba, ba, ba part.”

“What is the ba, ba, ba part?”

“Daddy always says ‘baaaaa, baaaa, ba’.”

It was then that I heard my husband unsuccessfully trying to stifle his laughter in the other room. And I suddenly put everything together:

SON OF A.............

ba, ba, ba = blah, blah, blah.

MY HUSBAND BLAH, BLAH, BLAHS IT.

THE “I LOVE YOU FOREVER, LIKE YOU FOR ALWAYS” PART.

On every.single.page.

gasp.

can’t breathe.

why doesn’t he just put a knife in my heart? it would hurt less than the blasphemy he just committed to my sweet little heartfelt book.

Later on, Husband says to me: “So where is the dad in that book?”

“Well, the mother obviously kicked him out to the back room because he made fun of the sweet song she sang her son.”

“Nah. I think the dad couldn’t take anymore of the mom’s annoying song that she sang twenty million times a day so he decided to go get a slurpee and go for a drive in peace. And the son was all ‘Take me with you, Dad! Please! Before mom starts singing that weird song to me again!’ And then the dad was all “If you think that’s weird, just wait until she’s old and drags a ladder to your window in the middle of the night and sings that creepy song while you are trying to sleep!’”

Sigh.

Well, goodbye rainbows and unicorns. I’ll miss you…NOW THAT THIS BOOK IS TOTALLY RUINED FOR ME.