Obligatory Idol Results show and a diss on "Self" Magazine

OK, because I promised everyone I would, here's my take on the idol results show. First off, loved all the special guest musical numbers -- hated the montage by the Idols themselves. Ugh! Secondly, how the heck was Matt G in the bottom three. That made me sad. But I can't say I'm upset that Michael went home. I knew he wasn't destined to win the whole thing. But I still think that Scott should have gone home before him.....and Meagan too for that matter. There you go.

Moving On.....

Last night, I flipped through February’s Self magazine while soaking in the bathtub. (What? Like you don’t do that?) Usually Self is not too bad—it’s full of ditzy exercise tips mixed in with the typical Cosmo junk and just enough “health” topics to set apart from being…well…just a suckier version of Glamour. But, whatever. It’s good for bathtub flipping.

The first article I read was Self’s breakdown of all the levels of vegetarianism. (Is this really informative to anyone over the age of 13? Seriously. Don’t we already know this crap?) I have to confess, I was too bored to actual read the article, but I did check out the celebrity bedazzled flow chart that ranged from Meat Eaters (Jessica Simpson) to Self’s new made up word of the day—Airatarians! (Those are people who don’t eat anything but air.) Har-har.Um, Self? Those people are usually called anorexics. Let’s not poke fun at people with real issues, okay? Especially since I’m sure next month you’ll come out with some stupid Anorexic Awareness article and try to be all PC and sensitive. Gag.

Moving on….ah, yes. We can’t have an issue without the obligatory “Have Hot Sex TONIGHT” article. Without these types of articles, how would I have ever learned that certain areas should be trimmed into hearts and stars and dyed with Kool-Aid for special occasions? Hmmm?!?!? (Spanks Cosmo, circa 2002!) This month’s article was about trying new things—like a threesome! Or dating a girl and batting for the other team! Or how about firing up your marriage with an AFFAIR? After all, you never know what you’ll like unless you relax and try new things.

Sage advice, Self. Words of wisdom, I’m sure. But since I actually have MORALS, I don’t think I’ll be sleeping around with another man (or woman) anytime soon. Also? I just vomited a little in my mouth.

It was one of those issues that made me toss it aside and say, “Am I crazy, or am I one of the only sane people left?” Or maybe American society now resembles a really bad MTV Real World episode and I am too absorbed with work and motherhood to notice.