Blog Every Day in May -- Day 24

May 24 -- Your three worst traits

Wait, what?!?  I don't have any bad traits.

Bwah ha ha!  I'm sure my friends and family would disagree with that.  So let me ponder on it a minute.

#1 I put the PRO in procrastinator

I am definitely a queen procrastinator....and then HOLY GUACAMOLE something has to get done.  I sometimes look back on my life and realize how much easier I could have made things on myself.  From schoolwork when I was a kid to housework as a wife and mother.  When I am at work I am always the dutiful worker bee, the one who takes initiative, the one who works her a$$ off......but I find it hard to transfer that over into my personal life.  Laundry can wait for later, the vacuuming doesn't have to be done this second, I"ll scrub the floor after I do....well, something else.  I mean, even when it comes to this blog.  Today I'm trying to make up three days worth of posts, because I just didn't do it when it was supposed to be done.  I am definitely not your Type A personality.

#2  I tend to put myself down.....a lot

I don't know why it is, but I have never had a cup overflowing with self-esteem.  I have never tended to hold myself in high regard.  I was a sub par student that didn't have many friends, I lost in the school elections, I didn't make the cheer leading team.  Growing up with a tall, beautiful, athletic sister, it was difficult for me to feel attractive.  It made no difference to me that I had a beautiful singing voice that people have always raved about.  Or that I am a brilliant writer who really should have a book published by now.  I feel inferior and always have.  Even as a wife and mother I don't feel like I'm cutting it and will often tell myself so.  My husband deserves a thinner, prettier wife who keeps a nicer house.  Other people look at my children and comment on what a great job I've done raising them, how they are such polite, helpful, brilliant boys.  But in my mind there are sooooo many things I could be doing better.  I'm not smart enough, talented enough, good enough.  I don't do enough.  I honestly can't tell you why I've always felt this way.....but there it is.

#3 I Almost Always put Myself Last

I think a lot of moms are guilty of this.  We are so concerned with the running of the family, the raising of the kids.....everyone's needs, everyone's happiness, wants, wishes, cares and dreams come before our own.  And to a degree this is how it should be.  We brought these little people into the world, and until they can adequately care for themselves, it is our job to do it.  But that doesn't mean you should feel guilty about taking time for yourself or spending a little money on yourself.  I really need to remember this sometimes.  I mean, I haven't had a hair cut in almost a year because I think I could and should spend that money on something my kids want or need.  But sometimes what they really need is a happy, healthy mom who knows how to take care of her own needs.